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Is There Anything Which Can Ease My Pain?


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Three months passes since my first loved one in life left me. I did not realized how deep I was in love with him until he left. He left at the time I started criticizing him & said I cant decide about being with him for my whole life. He left & I did every thing to persuade him back but nothing worked. I wrote him many letters but he answered none of them. I cant forget his voice when he said that he loved me and I do miss him more & more as time goes on. I cant cope with it. I feel blue & desperate. I feel that I will never be able to love some one like him. Nothing seems to ease my pain. He even did not believe my love

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I know how much unrequited love hurts, I don't think there's any pain so deep and I'm sorry you find yourself going through this. Sometimes there's no way we can anticipate the impact of our words on someone until it's too late, but often it's not our words that that did it, it would happen anyway, it's just those words were used as a platform on which to break up with us on. If the love was as pure and strong as it needed to be, it would not have fallen apart so easily, and that's the truth.

I know you feel you will never love again, and right now it's too soon to even consider, but please believe me when I tell you that you will get through this and yes, you will even get over him. Getting over someone is a gradual process that sometimes we can't even see progress when we're in it until one day we realize we went to sleep without crying and we feel YAY, and then we notice the tears come less and less and finally we realize we can think of that person without our heart hurting. How long it takes varies by our own adaptability, the duration and quality of the relationship, etc. It can take a few months or a few years, but the worst of it is usually the first few months.

It helps to know we are not entirely helpless victims in this heartbreak, although it can sure feel like it...the dumper holds the power, the dumpee is left having to deal with it. The things that have helped me in the breakup/recovery process is keeping busy. Return his belongings and retrieve yours. Unfriend him on FB...I know, that's hard to do, but seeing and hearing about him will just prolong the agony. You really don't WANT to know if he has someone new, etc., trust me. The goal is to reach the point where you feel nothing in regards to him, then you'll know you've moved on and are over him. Or at least feel caring but no pain. Another thing you can do is spend time with family and friends. Take a class, start up a new hobby, do things you've enjoyed in the past, even if you don't feel like it. Force yourself, it will be helpful. Meanwhile, take care of yourself, eat healthy and exercise every day, it will release endorphins that will help you feel better, something you could really use right now. Write out your feelings...expressing yourself is a good way to get it out so it's not bottled up. Forums are a good place for that because you get feedback that validates your feelings and lets you know you've been heard. Right now you feel powerless because someone else stripped you of your power, so anything you can do to regain your sense of power is good, like knowing you're heard. Get any reminders of him out of sight. If you don't have it in you to get rid of the items he gave you or that remind you of him, at least put them where you don't have to see them...in the garage, a back closet, storage unit, somewhere where it's not hitting you in the face on a everyday basis. This will hurt but it is an essential part of your progress. Sometimes the only way to move forward is go straight through the pain, we can't circumvent it, it will still be there to go through in the end.

I wish you luck...remember, you are welcome to come here and post any time, there'll be someone here to listen and care. I've been through much heartache in my life, I know what I'm talking about. But I'm a survivor and I'm okay now. And I'm okay without anyone in my life...maybe someday there will be another love and maybe there won't, but it's all okay either way.

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Hang in there, it will get better. (((hugs)))

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