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Grieving Ex Boyfriend

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My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. I am devasted! We were suppose to get married. He started becoming more distant and finally I moved out last week. He was such a sweet guy and treated me so good but lately has been filled with rage and anger towards me and doesn't want to be around me, He said he needed time to heal and work on himself cause he is no good to me as a boyfriend right now. He lost his father about a year ago and his grandmother about 4 months ago. He has now taken on the role of his father since he is the oldest. About two months ago his mother had a breakdown which caused him to have one. I did not know how to deal with this because I deal with loss in a different way. When I lost my grandfather last year I had to block it out of my heart and move on. He has been depressed now for a long time. I have been verbally abusive towards him throughout our relationship and pushed him away because my ex before him had cheated on me. I know this was wrong and I had alot of issues which I am seeing a therapist for now. He said he finally got to the point where I have pushed him away completely and he feels broken. Then christmas came and he was getting worse said that it's really hard without his dad and grandma. Whats strange is that last christmas was ok for us and his dad had been gone for 8 months already. Is this normal for the grieving process? Does it sometimes take awhile to sink in? Will this man ever come back to me or is it best to just let him go? Thank you.

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Yes it's not uncommon for grief to take a few months to truly sink in. At first you're in shock and it kind of protects you...then everyone goes on about their lives and leaves you to deal with everything, and it's tough. With his mom's breakdown and all of the stress of trying to be the head of the family, that's a lot to deal with and enough to push a young man over the edge, in itself, let alone with two huge losses in such a short time.

It's good that you're seeing a therapist for your own issues. We can't control the outcome of what happens with the other person, only work on ourselves. You ask if you have a chance of making it with him or if you should move on. He has broken up with you. It's very important to respect his decision and move on in your life. It's good to take time, after a breakup, to work on yourself and not have a relationship with someone, discover yourself, what you learned from this relationship, what you want out of life, what you can do to get there, etc. Whether or not you ever have a chance with this young man again or not is anyone's guess but I wouldn't hope for it. Be extra careful not to try and get him back or manipulate the situation...right now he really needs you to accept his decision, as hard as it is and he can't take any pressure from anyone. It's up to HIM if he ever wants to give it a chance again or not, but that's not likely soon, if ever...if he should decide to give it a go at it with you, you may have moved on by that point and it will be too late, only time will tell.

There are plenty of us on here that have been through this. It's recommended to have no contact after a break up to give yourself time to heal...cut ties, no texting, phone, FB, etc. After you've gotten over each other it's up to the two of you to decide if you can or want to handle friendship, but it takes time, plenty of it.

Try to spend time with your family and friends, now is the time to take up a new hobby/interest/class, something you've been wanting to try. I spent months cleaning after Jim broke up with me...it expended energy and helped me sleep better. If you're having a hard time sleeping and cry alot, please talk to your doctor about it. This is a really tough thing to go through and I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

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