Stacyines Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Well, I've continued to have on-going nightmares related to Deric. I can't seem to prevent them, sadly. I've attempted to speak to a psychologist, increased my medication ( both anti - depressants / sleeping meds) and this is an on going issue. I either wake up crying or extremely suicidal which is far from my list. It's as if my nightmares trigger this motivation I plead not to have. Is it normal after grief? Maybe because I consider his death at my fault? Or I'm not coping with this properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Dear Stacy, Number ONE THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL!!!!. I think deep down inside you know if he had not been taking those bath salts, his mind would have been clear. You have no way of knowing how much he had taken after he left that morning. Yes it is easy to feel guilty, I did after Pauline passed. That was my BIGGEST emotion was guilt. Why I do not know. I took the better care of her than any husband would have. She is the reason, I am in nursing school today. Is it in your subconscious that you really want to be with Deric, and that is the driving force behind these dreams, or is it that you just keep living that moment in time over and over again. I think that you are just having a hard time wrapping your mind around all the things that went on in your young life. Your brain is still developing skills and ways to process experiences at your age. Stacy you are doing really good in life. You have made goals and are reaching them one by one. Go easy on yourself. I just had my Doctor increase my Med's so I can focus in school. Grief is different for each one of us, how and the time we go though it, each in our own way, own time, some seem to take years to be able to take that first step into a new life. You have already, maybe just to keep busy, but it is a positive step. What you experienced was so traumatic, you might even have PTSD from it. They say I do from being a long term care giver, over 4 years. That was why my health declined this summer so fast, it was PSTD. Maybe you should seek out more help along with what you are getting now. But Please Stacy, YOU never asked for this to happen the way it did, I know it is hard, But IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Stacy, dear, I can assure you that sleep disturbances are not at all unusual in grief. You might find this article to be helpful: Getting Rid of Repeating Nightmares: A Simple, Potent New Recipe See also Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Stacy, I might have missed a post on this but just wondering if you have checked as to whether or not the medications you are taking might be causing nightmares. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 An excellent point, Mary, and I thank you for making it. It's always wise to know the side effects of any prescribed medication, along with any possible interactions with whatever else you may be taking. You can talk with your pharmacist and / or your prescribing physician about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 And some, especially in young people, can cause suicidal thoughts. Talk to your doctor about this ASAP. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 I also ditto that, talk to your doctor, asap! It's NOT your fault! I wish I had a magic wand that could wave this away, you should be having the time of your life, not going through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salley Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Stacyines, I am currently reading Joyce Carol Oates recent book, A Widow's Story, and am finding it quite comforting and very easy to relate to. She covers her battle with suicidal thoughts and hallucinations. The book is of her account of the first year of life following her husbands unexpected death. I am finding this book very helpful in my work with grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Salley, good book. I also benefited from it. I think she remarried while writing it. If it is the same person, some of her readers got angry that she never mentioned it in her book. So interesting. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacyines Posted January 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Well I've spoken to doctors and shrinks. And have amazing support so far. It randomly occurs, so it's rather abnormal. I attempt to keep distracted. Especially while I work on my film. That's my focus and goal in order to create Deric's foundation. But now I'm really curious in checking out that book! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Marty has quite a list of books and articles that are extremely helpful. I also have read about 40 books on grief and on life after life since Bill died. They console me and I am happy to share titles (after my publication deadline) if anyone is interested in them. I also listen to podcasts on public radio and at SoundsTrue.com Today was my turn for a nightmare that woke me up...actually the sobbing woke me up. I feel for those who have this happen often as it has been a horrible day pulling out of this....eyes burning from tears. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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