Hope Is Lost

[Guest]

I sit here at 3:00 in the morning, not able to sleep for fear that my daughter will end her life today. In the midst of my grief over losing my husband of 25 years, I have been fighting anorexia nervosa in my daughter. Anyone who knows anything about this disease knows that it is exhausting, demanding, infurating and sepressing when you are at your best. she will not seek assistance and assures me that she can make herself healthy again all on her own. I'm exhausted and can't think straight anymore.

where doI go from here?

[mfh]

Rose, I am sorry that you have lost your husband. I know that pain too well. It sounds like you need some support if you do not have any. I would urge you to locate a grief counselor or therapist to help you deal with your own loss and to assist you in dealing with your daughter. Yes, anorexia nervosa is serious and your daughter needs assistance which she may or may not accept. But first of all you need some support in dealing with this. I do not know where you live but see if there is a Hospice in your area or check in with your local church or physician and have those folks help you get some consistent assistance for yourself. This is a tough tough path made more difficult by your daughter's illness. I am so sorry. Mary

[kayc]

Rose,

I am so sorry you are going through such a double whammy. Years ago I had two friends whose daughters suffered with this. I don't know to what extent your daughter's illness has progressed, if any of her system has begun shutting down, if she's lost hair, if she's passed out, but often when it reaches this point they are admitted to a hospital and like it or not, they are introduced to "help" and are often referred to a specialized treatment facility. It is not a matter of will, there is so much work that needs to done "inside" and it really does require professional help. Family often feels guilty and frustrated as they stand helplessly by, not knowing what to do. I hope you know this is not your fault, and my heart goes out to you as this is indeed a very difficult situation to find yourself in. I don't know how old your daughter is or if she is in school but if she is, could you talk to them, perhaps some intervention could be forced? Anorexics usually insist on dealing with it themselves, but we both know that is usually a losing proposition, for they need help with it, more than they realize or admit. They are so often perfectionists and are used to dealing with everything themselves, but sometimes they need to learn to rely on help, a very difficult lesson to drive home to them.

As Mary suggested, getting help for yourself is a good place to start, so you don't feel so alone in this journey. You have much on your plate, any support you can get I'm sure would be most welcome. Please keep us posted how it is going!

[MartyT]

Rose, my dear, I agree completely with the sound advice you've been given by Mary and Kay. Anorexia nervosa is a serious and potentially life-threatening disorder, and your concern for your daughter is entirely justified -- but I'm sure you already know that. As they've said, your first obligation is to take good care of yourself, as one so recently bereaved. I don't know what resources you've investigated so far, but I hope you will find one or more of these articles to be helpful:

Are You Reluctant to Seek Counseling for Grief?

Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You

Look to Your Hospice for Grief Support

Me? Need a Grief Counselor? No Way!