Piece By Piece

[Turquoisepony]

June 20, 2005, my heart, soul & being was shattered into millions of fragments. Michael's death was a giant cannonball that slammed into my brain and stomach. I frantically swept up crumbled bits & pieces of what was left of me. Tried to put me back together EXACTLY as I was before Michael died. Nothing fit quite right. As I reassemble me, it becomes apparent some pieces will never fit so I am learning to create new pieces to fill the voids. Piece by piece, I will reenter the world. The very same world I have quarantined myself from.

Rather than stay in my limbo of chronic mourning, it became necessary for me to face the choices in my new existence: to die because Michael died, to live crippled because I no longer have my other half to complete me, or to forge, out of pain and memory, new adaptations for the life that will be created as I move forward in my quest to become whole. Through mourning, I let Michael go from this earthly plane and have taken him into my inner world. Through mourning, I will come to accept the difficult changes this life altering loss has commanded.

I am so filled with humble gratitude for all of the spiritual growth and the emerging of my own identity. I would forego it all to have my darling Michael at my side again. Alas, that I cannot choose!!

[MartyT]

My dear friend,

Reading your posts in these forums is like reading beautiful poetry. You have a unique and lovely way of expressing yourself, and on behalf of all of us here, I want to thank you for sharing your special gift with the rest of us.

Wishing you peace and continued healing,

Marty T

[WaltC]

...Through mourning, I let Michael go from this earthly plane and have taken him into my inner world.  Through mourning, I will come to accept the difficult changes this life altering loss has commanded. 

I am so filled with humble gratitude for all of the spiritual growth and the emerging of my own identity.  I would forego it all to have my darling Michael at my side again.  Alas, that I cannot choose!!

Your post is encouragement to others who also feel the pain of loss.

At a Grief Counselling session tonite I left with one thought that made the two hours worthwhile to me.

We should always remember that when our spouse died part of us died too, BUT also remember that because you have survived and live on, part of your beloved spouse lives on also

My thoughts are with you during these troubled times.

[MartyT]

My dear Walt,

Lord Buckley once observed that the real flowers of life are the people we come to know. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your gentle and continuous tending to those who have come into our garden.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[kayc]

Turquoisepony,

Wow! How eloquent your words! You express so beautifully put, what the rest of us feel as well. You should be a writer. I too have learned that there is much to be gleaned from everything we go through, and as I've traversed this journey, it was no different...I have learned so much and hope to use it so it not be a lesson in vain. Of course none of us would choose to lose our beloved spouse, but as you put it, that choice was not ours to make.