New And Grieving

[ChristmasCarol]

I lost my beautiful mother Dec 9, 2011 to breast cancer. She was in a hospice house and wanted nothing more than to go home to die. Thankfully we were able to make that happen. My sister and i cared for her around the clock for the last 3 days of her life on this earth and it was an honor for me to be able to do this. She brought me into this world and loved me, i held her hand and loved her as she left it. The pain of her loss sometimes more than i think i can bear. As the endcame Mom seemed to age 20 years.she was almost 76 but looked much older at the end. One of the things that is really tearing me up is i can only see her face in my mind as she looked at the end and can't picture her when she was happy and healthy. I am afraid it will as be this way. Has anyone else experienced this?

[DebFromLodi]

You will get passed those last images. I promise. Give yourself time. I watched my mom die on Feb 2, 2008 and it was hard to let go of the image but now when i think of her, i remember the good times. Don't get me wrong, it can still haunt me if i let it but i choose to remember when she was alive and well. I am so happy for you that she was able to go home to die. My mom was in a rest home. We got the call first thing in the morning and all rushed to her side. She was not responsive at all. Just laying there and we sat with her for about 5 hours. Then she left us. I said to her: "mom you were with each one of us kids when we came into the world. Now we were all with you when you left this world." To let someone go has got to be the greatest gift we can give. I am so grateful that we could be there with her so she did not have to go alone. And i choose to believe that at the moment of her death, her mom and dad came down and took her hand and walked her through to the other side. she did not feel any pain because she was already out of her body. That gives me comfort.

Good luck to you in your journey.