Communication: It's So Hard

[amw]

My segnificant other/partner was told today that the pet san they did last week shows an increase in aggressive cells in the tumors in his neck and spleen, and the other tumors throughout his body are growing slow. But right now the areas they are most concerned are his neck and spleen. He was suppose to have had his third chemo treatment today, but the dr. said it wouldn't help much for the aggressive areas and he's less concerned about the other tumors at this time. They want to do another biopsy to see what mixture of chemo meds might help the more aggressive tumor cells, but I worry that before they will be able to get him in he will have to have a trac. He was close to having to get one the day before thanksgiving, I know how much he doesn't want to have one, and when he does have to, we will no longer be able to talk. He is keeping alot of his thoughts and feelings bottled up, and I want him to be able to share them, both good and bad. That's always been one of the best areas of our relationship, we could always talk about anything and everything. But now he keeps so much from me, I can only guess that he thinks if it's not said than it's not happening I just want him to be able to talk to me and express what he is feeling and thinking about. Is he angry, scared, and what he needs and so on. He just seems to withdral more all the time, and I need thisfrom him, as much as I know he needs it from me.

[JKC]

It is so hard. My husband had difficulty at first talking about the inevitable things....treatment, hospice, etc. I would encourage him by saying how I felt and then asking him to do the same whenever he could. If you are fairly sure that he will lose his voice, you may want to make some videotapes and ask him if he's willing to make a tape just for you of him talking to you. The videotapes that my husband made for me were priceless and helped me get through some very dark times. Good luck - take care of yourself.