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Do You Feel "abandoned" By Family And/or Friends

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Thank you for the response and the advice. So sorry to hear about your operation, happy to hear a neighbor is helping.

I know what you mean about how difficult it is to ask others to help. I am the kind of person who has always helped other when I saw the need, No one has ever had to ask. I just do it. So its difficult for me to understand why no one helps me.

I really don’t like living alone, I feel that if I did have friends/ Family around it would help. Getting back to work is somewhat helping while I am there but once I come home I am sad. 

Again thank you for your response,

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It was just a day surgery and is not a big deal except I can't bandage my own back.  It is SOOO hard for me to ask for help!  Goes against my grain, I've had to take care of myself for so long and am fiercely independent!

After George died, it was hard to come home to an empty house, I had pets, but you know what I mean.  He wasn't always here when I got home but I knew he would be, therein lies the difference!  It took quite a while for the changes to sink in and reach the point where I no longer expected it or it didn't hit me so hard.  I prefer being married to being alone, but I also realize that not just any marriage would do...he was "the one!"

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Happy to hear that your health is doing ok, but so sorry for your loss, and when bringing up friends and family, they seemed to have literally disappeared, kinda like if it's not yesterdays news, then it's passe, the friends that I use to get calls from have stopped, their lives have continued on, as which they should, they have gotten over the grief, and I don't blame them for it, so when speaking with me, they see that I have not gotten over anything, I still live in my past, if you ask me how I am doing, I will say that WE are doing fine, and will include Nancy in the conversation, they tend to think that I am not facing reality, well they are not with me at the end of the day, when I am physically alone, if that's not hard reality, then I don't know what is, I keep Nancy alive, and no one seems to understand that, so I suppose they just don't want to hear it, and that's ok, it lets me know where they stand, as there are still a cpl of friends that are still in there with us, as you mentioned with George, my Nancy was and still is the only one for me!!!  I wish you all the best with your days and nights, and are able to hold onto some comfort, Take care.

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Had a bad day yesterday and agin today, the tears keep flowing. I cant even stop long enough to go to the store. I feel as if I have regressed. I had  a memory flash of my husband and I during a family reunion he was driving and we were going to a flea market, laughing and having a good time.. I guess I realized that it will never happen again and threw me off in a crying spree. I had texted a friend to chat with last night and of course the only response was I am so sorry. I though they were a friend anyway. I would have called but it so hard to talk on the phone, I think it would be easier to talk in person, maybe that human interaction would help I really miss it. I cant help it I feel abandoned not only by my husband who passed but by everyone. My son does call to check in on me and I know he lives 2000 miles away, but I still feel abandoned. I just need a big hug and to feel someone’s arms around me telling me I will be ok. Like my husband did. He was a great hugger. I know what you mean by the saying we part, I signed a Thank you card with both of our names. 

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I felt that too when George died, everyone ditched fort!  It's like they moved, left no forwarding address!  If I called them it "wasn't a good time, could they call me back?"  Only they never did.

I've had to do this on my own.  If not for this place, I don't know...

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@huntersbAll of what you describe is very common, natural and to be expected.  What looks like regression is one of many switchback roads that we encounter on this journey, where the road doubles back on itself and you could swear you were just here a bit ago.

It appears the date of your loss was about 2 months ago, and I would like to suggest that you be very gentle with yourself yet.  These realizations of what was lost, what can never be again, will hit you over and over again.  Special days, anniversaries, holidays etc all will come marching on and you will find yourself swamped all over again.

It is hard to be isolated, and in these times it's even more pronounced when you can't be around others.  Grieving in these times is magnified many times over, it seems.  🙁

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2 hours ago, Kieron said:

What looks like regression is one of many switchback roads that we encounter on this journey, where the road doubles back on itself and you could swear you were just here a bit ago.

Such a perfect description, this is! You do have a way with words, my friend! ♥️

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Thanks, Marty, but I think Darrell was the one who pointed out the switchback metaphor when I first arrived here.  Either Darrell or George/IPraise Him.  😊

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I understand that others have gotten over the grief that we all shared at one time, when a lending ear was so easy to find, and they were so understandable, they have processed it through, but they still have their lives intact, they've lost no identity, their lives are as mine once was, just keeping the status quo, going to work, paying the bills, nothing has changed for them, sure they don't have my Nancy to call anymore,  but at the end of the day, their significant other is still there to listen and support them, and to tell them that their loved!! the only person on this planet that understood me and loved me unconditionally is gone, the only one that I could rely on is not here to tell me that everything is going to be alright, even when things weren't, as long as we were together it didn't matter, I always told Nancy the world could come to an end, and that I would have no fear, as long as we faced it together, well the world did come to an end, and no one, absolutely no one understands that!! I can't bring Nancy back, god how I wish I could, I asked the Creator to come back and take me, and that I would take her place, but to let her breathe again, and live out her life, but I guess it was listened to, so now I have to wait to get to her, and each day is a new chapter in pain, pain that never goes away, so i just wait!! Thank you

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What you are saying is so true...that's why your grief and theirs is not shared even though the person you all loved is one and the same...your relationship with her was different.  For them, they CAN go on, for you it's much more difficult, for you, you have but to live with it.:wub:

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I lost my Mom on September 18, 2019. Her 10+ year journey with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) affected my entire family. My Sister and I were her caregivers, which especially took a toll on us. She was a quadriplegic for several years and it was difficult as my Mom was fully cognitive until the end -the emotional, physical, and spiritual suffering was extensive.

I have found the grief process to be a very lonely journey. To my despair, my friends avoid me, and when I do reach out to them, they just talk about themselves. I find that in their selfishness, they do not care to understand.

One evening I called a ‘supposed’ friend and asked her how she was doing. She immediately responded by asking me how I was, to which I responded that “I’m doing okay…” and elaborated on a few things. She then yelled that I should “get over it” and that I should allow myself “three days to grieve”. My heart broke. I told her that I needed to go and then hung up. She then responded by texting a picture of the sunset.

Now, this is a person with whom I thought was my friend. I talked her through the death of her estranged Father, took her to doctor’s appointment after having foot surgery, and overall, and was there for her when she wanted to talk.

I am confused as to why my grief is such a burden to others. I do not elaborate heavily; I just share basics such as “I miss my Mom terribly.” It is cruelty at it’s worst.

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20 hours ago, Grief Stricken said:

I lost my Mom on September 18, 2019. Her 10+ year journey with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) affected my entire family. My Sister and I were her caregivers, which especially took a toll on us. She was a quadriplegic for several years and it was difficult as my Mom was fully cognitive until the end -the emotional, physical, and spiritual suffering was extensive.

I have found the grief process to be a very lonely journey. To my despair, my friends avoid me, and when I do reach out to them, they just talk about themselves. I find that in their selfishness, they do not care to understand.

One evening I called a ‘supposed’ friend and asked her how she was doing. She immediately responded by asking me how I was, to which I responded that “I’m doing okay…” and elaborated on a few things. She then yelled that I should “get over it” and that I should allow myself “three days to grieve”. My heart broke. I told her that I needed to go and then hung up. She then responded by texting a picture of the sunset.

Now, this is a person with whom I thought was my friend. I talked her through the death of her estranged Father, took her to doctor’s appointment after having foot surgery, and overall, and was there for her when she wanted to talk.

I am confused as to why my grief is such a burden to others. I do not elaborate heavily; I just share basics such as “I miss my Mom terribly.” It is cruelty at it’s worst.

I want to welcome you here, I am so sorry for your loss!  To have loss is great enough, but to have "friends" let you down in your grief just exacerbates it!  When my husband suddenly passed five days after his 51st birthday, I was stunned that ALL of our friends disappeared overnight!  My two best friends did not even bother showing up at his funeral, instead opting to make plans to do something more enjoyable.  I make a point of going to funerals for my friends, whether it's "enjoyable" or not, it's part of honoring the person who died as well as being there for their family.  Where is compassion in people today?  They have a lot to learn!

I hope these articles will be helpful to you.  I found that grief rewrote my address book.  If this is how their behavior continues, honestly, we don't need that.  It is okay to cut them loose.  I have worked on making new friends and I guarantee they are not so shallow as the former ones.  One of those "friends" since passed and her husband hit on me!  Not amused.  He has since passed too.  Amazing.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/grief-support-when-others-fail-to-meet.html
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/friendships_b_2838996
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/in-grief-feeling-let-down-by-closest.html
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/friendship-why-i-not-longer-hold-onto-relationships-that-no-longer-serve-me_b_8027096

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