"how Are You?"

[widower]

Is anyone else tired of saying "fine" or even "OK" when you get this question? Just once I'd like to hand them this when they ask. This pretty much sums up "how I am" and have been since my loss. Pardon my self indulgence.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let airplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message she is dead

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

She was my North, my South, my East and West,

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

[mfh]

Oh, yes. I am sure we all feel that way sometimes...I surely do. I have seen that poem before....it is perfect...and sad. Mary

[widower]

Thanks Mary - and sorry if that was "too depressing" for anyone. Just wanted to let it out, which I think we all need sometimes. I certainly hope nobody gets "stuck" in that mode. Somehow life is still worth living, and I try to remind myself that she would want me to do exactly that, and if anything, being sad might only make her sad, and I don't want to do that! I guess just those initial "how are yous" bug me in that way ie I feel I can't say how I really feel, but just give the politically correct answer.

[MartyT]

Not depressing at all, widower, because it rings so true for all of us. The poem is Funeral Blues, written by W. H. Auden and published in 1936. I was blown away when I first heard it delivered as a eulogy for his lover by actor John Hannah in the movie, Four Weddings and a Funeral. You can listen to Hannah's recitation of it on YouTube, here: http://j.mp/zvEE8a

[widower]

Thanks - yes I do now recall that from the movie -

[kayc]

I had never heard that, it is beautifully penned. I don't think it's depressing at all, it's very well written and just describes so aptly how we've all felt.

[LarrysGirl]

I didn't feel its depressing, it expresses what I feel and have felt. I stopped saying I was fine or ok pretty quickly in my grief. I felt so angry with myself for saying I was okay. I wasn't. Did they like hearing how I felt? Not one bit. Most couldn't deal with my misery at all. Oh well, they will understand when they are in my position. Deborah

[kayc]

Deborah,

Yes they will. (((hugs)))

Kay

[mik]

At least someone asks you. Everyone seems to have forgotten.....

Kim

[widower]

Not really. See my thread in the "Bereavement" area.