Looking For The Positives

[Salley]

Gratitude is a concept that greatly interests me and I repeatedly think I must look into it. But then weeks go by and gratitude never enters my mind. Yesterday I was confronted with it again. I had not received any invitation for an Easter meal until yesterday. I will be traveling to Columbus (two hours away) with some of my best friends to eat with their son and his family. Last year this friends' son gave me a wonderful gift. My husband had been in the homebuilding business for over 37 years and had an overwhelming amount of tools, ranging from a planer, drill press, scaffolding, table saw, ladders, boxes of nails, pump jacks, 25 different power tools; plumbing, wiring, drywall, concrete, painting tools and supplies...This son made me an offer that he would come and take ALL this equipment and tell him what to make the check out for. Having all this equipment off of my property has been a psychological boost for me. Now I am going to his house tomorrow and he is thrilled to be able show off to me how he is using, and neatly storing, Rich's tools. Oh gosh, now I am crying. This is going to be harder than I thought. Anyway, I am grateful to be with loving friends for Easter, and for all they have done for me.

Beth

[mfh]

Enjoy your day. Bill and I ended many of our days with a gratitude "competition" naming what we were grateful for that day. Fun and a good reminder. Sounds like you started with the awareness of having the tools moved on and a day to be with friends. Enjoy, Beth.

[Cheryl]

Last night I shared an evening hike to the top of Camelback Mountain. Brought along some pesto, cheese, sliced meats and olive medley. Had a little snack at the top and watched the sun set. Then shared a blanket at the movie in the park and drank fabulous wine followed by pizza. A trip back to my house brought an entire night of sharing stories about life lessons learned. It was a night of no pressure, good conversation and snuggling on the couch. It's been two years and seven months since he died and I never thought it possible that my heart would allow me to move in this direction. The anxiety and overwhelming feeling of loss are gradually turning into new beginings and opportunities to be just me.

Feeling pretty positive about the future today. Nice!

[kayc]

My positive for today is it is sun-shining! It is 70 outside, believe it or not and just yesterday all most of last week it snowed. Go figure, this is Oregon!

[mfh]

Calm but quite sad today. This is the day (2 years ago-today-Holy Saturday) that I buried Bill. I distracted myself a lot today to help. Just too tired to go there after the past month. 3 invites tomorrow plus some painting later in the day. Working on a meaningful painting...have not painted in too long.

Peace to all on what is a holiday weekend for many of you,

Mary

[HAP]

Dear friends,

I got a note from a favorite former student I had lost track of today. She didn't know about Jane until I wrote her back. So many former students live so far away...

I mowed the lawn for the first time today and began bringing order out of the chaos redoing the bedrooms created. he living room at last looks like a living room again.

Someone on Facebook created a Walking with Jane Easter Egg. It is a blue egg with black zebra stripes. When I get a copy I can post here I will let people see it.

The hyacinths I left on Jane's grave earlier in the week were still there today. Given how often what I leave there gets stolen I have to count that as a major positive. I left some cut daffodils from the yard and put a garland around the base of the stone for Easter. I will spend tomorrow with my in-laws.

It will be 16 months on Tuesday. I will get through that, too.

May whatever holiday you celebrate this weekend be filled with peace and beauty.

Peace,

Harry

[HAP]

And here is the promised Easter egg:

[mfh]

I like the egg a lot, Harry. A sign of life...hidden but present. Have a good day. Easter peace, Mary

[HAP]

Dear Friends,

I have been absent here for a number of days. I had to go west for a journalism conference. I presented two well-received sessions and did the mentor training program that was the real purpose of the trip. Just as i reached the point of being semi-recovered from the jet-lag it was time to jump on the plane again.

I received the official invitation from Dana-Farber to join the Visiting Committee for the gastrointestinal department while I was gone.

I have finished all the taxes except for the state tax on Jane's estate interest. I am waiting for the form on that.

For the last several days I have been working on a series of posts for the Walking with Jane website that has taken me away from the last days of Jane's life to remembering more about who we were for the 23+ years we spent teaching together--and the kinds of things we taught by our life together that went beyond anything in any curriculum. I sometimes forget that there was a time before those last months. The writing of those pieces has reminded me we were something other than a couple staring death in the face.

Last night I went to see a revival of "Boeing, Boeing," a bedroom farce from the early 1960s. The thing was pure fluff and very funny. I laughed through the whole thing. The acting was wonderful.

Mary, I had not thought about the hidden life within the egg. I like the thought.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

It's been a quiet two weeks lately...one of my friends had family visiting and then came down sick, another friend has been working and tied up with family emergencies on off hours, so the last two weeks it's been rather quiet, but it's been okay. My dog has been a wonderful companion, without him I don't know what I'd do, he's just so funny! And he seems to know when I need affection, he's just a god-send.

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Finished the last of the taxes this morning. Judged stories for NESPA this afternoon. Discovered a way to kill the lily beetles en masse. Finished the next to the last piece on my current series.

And then there was the falcon this morning who flew awkwardly out from under the deck this morning, landing awkwardly mid-way across the lawn. He ended up letting a starling fly out of his grasp so he could fly away from me--not that I made any move toward him. I thought he was hurt. The starling was glad of my picking that moment to come out on the deck, I'm sure.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

Tells us about your Beetle plan.

I hope the Starling wasn't hurt!

My positive today is I have a homemade batch of cinnamon rolls in the oven...the dog and cat are eagerly awaiting, they've kept me good company during my preparations. Sometimes you have to create your own positive!

[HAP]

Dear friends,

Took a friend and my sister-in-law to Dana-Farber' President Circle at Fenway Park for pizza dinner and the Red Sox game. While the game itself was a disaster for the home team, the night was much fun--and very strange.

How strange? I was introduced to the chief of staff of the DFCI--who already knew who I was and said he'd been to the website and was impressed. I spent all night with people from the development office stopping by to talk about the website and my joining the Marathon Walk again this year. Over the weekend I received the formal invite to join the visiting committee there for the Gastrointestinal Cancer department. They are moved and impressed--and we have not done anything near what I want to do yet.

Two of us won two of the three raffle prizes for the night. And I never win anything.

Of course the Red Sox played like a bad single A team--but we will not discuss that.

Peace,

Harry

PS to Kay: Ace Hardware Spider Spray. They are dead, dead, dead.

H

[kayc]

Spider spray for Beetles? Good to keep in mind!

Had a horrid sound emanating from my car today, turns out it was a rock in the brake, thank God, I was imagining all kinds of things, none of which were good. That was a positive for me today!

[Anne E]

Here's my strange positive for yesterday. I volunteer at Project Literacy here in Canon City. I tutor, one-on-one, two girls, Lexus-third grade and Haylee-fourth grade.

I have tutored Lexus for almost two years and am quite fond of her. Last night, her mother told me they are moving to Los Vegas. Bummer. It was pretty tearful! Sure hate to see to see her go. Lexus has progressed very well through the program and was probably going to graduate from the program this summer, so she is upset because she will not be able to graduate! The move to Los Vegas will be a good one for the family. They will be closer to family and because of her father's declining heath will be taking over an established family business. It's just hard to say good-by to Lexus and her mother.

I was also told yesterday that Haylee will probably be dropped from the program since her mother does not seem to be willing to see that Haylee attends regularly. I am very upset about this, but can see the reasoning. There is a long waiting list of children wanting to receive help from this FREE program. While Haylee certainly needs the help, it can't be offered if she is not present. I am so sorry for Haylee, but there is not much I can do for her if she is not there and she can't bring herself. I would like to take her silly mother and shake her until her teeth fall out! It's hard to accept that in-spite of all we have done through the program to be accommodating and supportive, the education of her daughter is just not a top priority for the mom. It's sad.

There is a positive in this! I feel very good and proud of the work Lexus and Haylee and I have done together. Their reading skills have improved greatly and their self confidence has grown leaps and bounds. I feel very good about my part in their growth. Lexus has made huge improvement which can be directly related to her mother's desire to find help for her child and to be part of the process. I wish Haylee's mother participated half as much. She seems to want to drop Haylee off and have someone else "fix" her. It's so frustrating and the child is the victim.

We all are looking for a purpose in our new lives. I have spent many, many days wondering what in the world I will do with the rest of myself after Dick's death. It occurs to me that I have found a niche that works for me. I enjoy the time spent with a child and find fulfillment watching that child succeed and gain a feeling of accomplishment.

All things considered, this was a positive for a Tuesday.

[MartyT]

Oh Anne, those children are so blessed to have had you in their lives, if only for a little while. This is National Volunteer Week, and I want to honor you for the important work you are doing ~ such a positive difference you are making in this world, giving of yourself this way. Bless you, and others like you. ♥

(I hope others reading this will take a look at this article: Healing Grief through the Gift of Volunteering)

[Anne E]

Thank you so much for the nice comment. I absolutely believe that I gain probably far more from volunteering than the kids I work with. Looking forward to being a small part of their lives gives me purpose and so very much joy.

Today my positive is.......my taxes are done and I DON'T OWN any money!!!!!! Yippee!!

Anne

[kayc]

Anne,

Commendations for your work with these girls, I'm sure there will be many more to follow. And I think you meant to say you don't OWE any money, not you don't OWN any money! Although most of us can say at tax time that we don't OWN any money either! LOL

My positive yesterday was getting to be with my sisters and daughter:

My quadriplegic sister, Donna, got a new caretaker this year, after many years with her prior "family", it was time. She has a new home and really likes it and her new caretakers. I am so proud of Donna for her attitude in life and her willingness to make adjustments, I know it can't have been easy. Donna had a car accident when she was 25 and it killed her little boy, age 3, and she lost her baby to my parents, who adopted him a few years later, and her fiance disappeared on her as sometimes happens. She was a 4.0 student at the U of O going for her accounting degree and working fulltime as a paralegal. In the blink of an eye, her life changed. Today she is almost 70, wheelchair ridden, it's hard to understand her because they butchered her vocal chords in her emergency tracheotomy, yet she is grateful for the little pleasures in life. We sisters and my daughter take her out once a month, and she looks forward to that. She still has her amazing brain and can speak French fluently, if any of us could understand her. I am so thankful for my sisters and my brother, they are the most amazing siblings one could have.

[Anne E]

I did mean owe any money, but sometimes our subconscious takes over!!!

[HAP]

Dear Friends,

I signed my will today.

It was the final act of an hour-long meeting with my lawyer that began with a review of the language for the by-laws of the Walking with Jane Foundation and a couple of additions to the purposes of the organization. In a few days the paperwork for that next step in our campaign against NETs and Carcinoid Syndrome will be ready for submission to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Then it is simply a matter of waiting for the official notice that will signify the birth of a new entity.

Part of me thinks it is fitting that on the same day we begin the final steps to bring the foundation to life, I took the final steps that will dispose of my material possessions after my death. Somehow I feel those things really are no longer entirely mine--that I am merely holding them in trust for those who come after me. I have always felt that way, but never so clearly as I do tonight. I have always known that this body would, despite my best efforts, die. Jane's death reminded me of that in ways that were anything but subtle. But signing that document just before noon today underlined that sense of mortality in a new and very different way--one in which there is a strange sense of peace that I have not experienced before.

Jane and I were never materially wealthy. We have a house. We saved some money for our retirement. We earned our pensions. Eventually, I have enough quarters that I may get a pittance out of social security. But I am still clipping coupons and looking for sales. My car is over a dozen years old and I am hoping to get another three or four years out of it. I worry about inflation. I worry about the economy. I am not Warren Buffet or even Mitt Romney--neither of whom will ever have to worry about what will happen if they get sick. And I have seen just how expensive a serious illness can be.

But we were wealthy in ways Bill Gates will never comprehend. We had no children of the body, but our children of the mind are everywhere. They build bridges and houses and buildings of every shape, size and description. They are surgeons, oncologists, and primary care physicians. They staff hospitals and schools and police and fire departments. They drive ambulances and trucks and fly planes. They are mothers and fathers--husbands and wives. They are cooks and waiters and waitresses. They do every job you can imagine--and likely a few you cannot.

We did not make much money in our lifetimes--but we made a difference in the lives of every student who came through our doors. And those students are making a difference in the lives of others who will make a difference in the lives of still others and others. In those terms, we were--and are--wealthy beyond imagination.

And the gods willing, we will keep building that kind of wealth long after I am dead.

Peace,

Harry

[mfh]

Harry, doing a will does make one think. I re-did mine shortly after Bill died...and it makes one think..again...that we will indeed, cross that threshold one day. I totally relate to the peace it brought with it. Before I left on this trip I made out a set of directions that I gave to a friend (just in case) on where the key to the safety deposit box, house key, etc so my brother and sister (who have copies of everything)...would be reminded of what to do...who to contact about Bentley...and on and on. It made me aware that death can indeed come at any time...and reminded me that I do not fear it and that it is ok whenever it happens.

I am always amazed that when that last breath is taken, all the "things" we surround ourselves with suddenly, within a split second....matter not. I learned that when friends died and when Bill died. All his tools that he cherished, his books and poems....have meaning only for those who follow.

I also understand all the "children" you have on this planet. Bill and I never had children together but I have "mothered" many in my life and they go on...

Another step forward, Harry. Be at peace, Mary

[kayc]

Harry,

You have had a good life, really, and we realize with you that you can't measure riches merely monetarily. I feel the same as you do. In this last year, being "underemployed" and considering all of my options, including moving, I've given much thought to my material possessions...mentally I have let go little by little, considering what my kids might want, considering what's important and what can be easily let go of. It's a weird process.

I also feel, like Mary and Harry both, although I have two children of my own, I also have many more that I've mothered over the years, other children I have taken in or helped raise, or touched their lives in a mighty way. Today I see them on FB and am so proud of who they have become and what they are doing with their lives, and it is no small satisfaction to know I've played a part...

[Anne E]

I really like what you all have been saying. Thinking about what, if anything, I will leave behind is something I probably spend too much time pondering.

Dick and I were blessed with the adoption of our son and enjoyed raising him. However, he has not married and has not made me a Grandmother! Imagine that.

However, rather than focusing that I don't have Grandchildren of my very own, I have found that reaching out and "adopting" children is a good solution. It is so satisfying to spend time with kids. I don't do "herds" of young ones well, but I really love one-on-one or two or three. I like the thought of just enjoying children without the burden of full time discipline and all that.

Hopefully, I am leaving a few little people on the planet who know that for a short time, there was someone who thought they were very special and worth spending time with.

I have told my little Lexus and Haylee to remember in the future, when things are difficult for them and they are not feeling so good about themselves, there was a lady they spent time with who always thought they were beyond terrific.

Isn't that really all we can do in this world? Remind people that we think they are beyond terrific? That's my purpose for the time being.

[kayc]

Here is my positive today...in my back yard...

[Queeniemary]

I love to read about what all of you are doing. You are all making a difference in so many different ways. Anne, those children will never forget you! So sorry I missed your BD, Happy Belated. We are very close in age, I am 66, and have also outlived a lot of people close to me.

I have not been on the site for a few days. We are have been planning our spring fundraiser for the Ozark ARts Council. It is a Chocolate Deck-Au-Dance!! With silent auction of art and other items, lots of choc. creations, wine, beer, and dancing on the deck....hopefully we will raise lots of money for our non-profit this Sat. night. Tonight I am making a couple of choc. creations to take tomorrow...wish me luck, not good at this stuff! Truly would rather stay home, but I am on the board, and will go.

My positive for the day....it has been now over a week since I have smoked, and I seem to be doing pretty good with it. I am not gaining any weight, but not losing any either. I really want to get this 10 pounds off, but stopping smoking is more important right now.

And I have just learned today that another granddaughter is having a new baby, so that will be two new great grandchildren during this year.....

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas