Looking For The Positives

[kayc]

He looks so much like I did as a baby, but he's also starting to look more like Bethany's family, her nephews.  It must be a good combination, because he's gorgeous, and even has his grandpa's dimples!  I call him Smiley in my mind, because he's always smiling!

[Margm]

Kay, what a gorgeous, handsome, happy baby.  This is my smile for today.  Thank you. 

[kevin]

Good looking happy baby......

[kevin]

I'm on week number 4 of my rehab from my hip replacement and was outside doing some light raking...Able to walk with assistance of poles easily. Daughter coming down to assist me in getting my house in "sell readiness"  mode...Will list April 10th and hope it doesn't sell too quick....Still a touch apprehensive of the move, as my health improves the more independent I feel(go figure).....Happy Easter to all......(another trigger)

Edited March 29, 2018 by kevin
grammer

[Gwenivere]

Great news in your rehab, Kevin.   Where is it you are moving to?  You sure have spunk to take on 2 big projects like these!

[kevin]

Gwen, Haven't nailed down exact location yet but it will be in Alberta...Either Edmonton(capital), or small town 3 hours away...The small town real estate is very reasonable  and services more readily available...Kicker is Free health care and no sales tax.in Alberta..But its hard to leave the Mountains...

[kayc]

15 hours ago, kevin said:

Good looking happy baby......

The top picture he looks just like me when I was a baby, the second picture he looks just like my son as a baby, and the third one he reminds me of my DIL's nephews.  Funny how it comes out in pictures! I get to see him and my granddaughter tomorrow!

[kayc]

12 hours ago, kevin said:

Gwen, Haven't nailed down exact location yet but it will be in Alberta...Either Edmonton(capital), or small town 3 hours away...The small town real estate is very reasonable  and services more readily available...Kicker is Free health care and no sales tax.in Alberta..But its hard to leave the Mountains...

I've lived in the mountains for 41 years so I know what you mean, but it'd be nice to not have to deal with snow as we age.  I wish you well in your impending move and changes!  Here's hoping your house will sell when you're ready and you'll find just the right place!  Free health care sounds amazing...Oregon doesn't have sales tax so I'm not used to what that's like.

[kevin]

Kay, you are so right about the snow...never hit home until this last operation, the importance of the downsizing and that includes driveway....I was first looking at a place to fit my furniture(wrong thought process), must sell or donate all but essentials......Don't need too furnish full basement.....or even need a basement...Just getting my head straight and stay straight........ but still will plant a garden, just incase it doesn't sell right away....

[Margm]

Kevin, I think all the furniture I moved was the desk Billy had picked out at a yard sale we just happened on, and it's chair, three bookcases, and the bed.  The mattress is so old I refurbished it with a cover.  I should have bought another bed but it is one of the old king sized that sits on two twin size box springs.  I don't even know how old it is.  I still have 15 - 17 of the huge plastic boxes with tops packed everywhere.  I opened one, a plaque that Billy had picked out for our 33rd or 34th anniversary was on top.  I just closed the box and have not even opened the ones that say linen's.  Just bought new ones and find I do not require anything from those boxes.  My poor kids will have to handle that.  Nothing of any value anyhow, just memories.  I have them in my head.  I actually have a generator in my dining room.  Somewhere.  What am I gonna do with a generator?  But, I left that big house as soon as I could get out of it.  The people that lease it have even put in new plumbing.  Hopefully they can put it in their name soon.  Never missed or were late with a payment.  Just like opening the boxes, I cannot even go back to that little town.  Grief is individual, but it is very painful if you open the box.  

[kayc]

14 hours ago, Marg M said:

I opened one, a plaque that Billy had picked out for our 33rd or 34th anniversary was on top.  I just closed the box and have not even opened the ones that say linen's.  Just bought new ones and find I do not require anything from those boxes.  My poor kids will have to handle that.

I figure it'll be easier for our kids to deal with it than for us to, it's not their memories.  I can see my son hiring a couple of scrappy teen boys, bringing his dump truck, and loading up the whole place in a couple of days once I'm gone.  My kids don't want or need any of this stuff.  For me, it's a different matter, everything has memories attached to it, everything.  Every single little thing.  It's painful to go through, let alone toss.

 

[Gwenivere]

I so agree, Kay.  Don’t have kids, but the executor can distribute what I designated which is small and dispose of the rest.  We’re kinda caught in the middle.  Plus, is there really a need to give  or keep things?   It’s hard living with the reminders, but even harder thinking about removing them.  Our furniture has memories.  And what would it feel like if this whole house was different?   It doesn’t feel like mine as it is without him.  Since I am not me without him, changing everything would be hard.  I don’t know who I am anymore.

[martha jane]

I feel the same way, Gwen. I thought it might get easier the second year but it hasn't.

[kayc]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 Plus, is there really a need to give  or keep things?   It’s hard living with the reminders, but even harder thinking about removing them.

I don't think so.  It'll be much easier for someone else to deal with after we're gone.  And if there's money in it for them as compensation, I needn't feel guilty about it. 

[Gwenivere]

Actually, I’m think we are agreeing.  Let someone else do it that doesn’t have the emotional attatchment.  Maybe I misread your original post.  I have it soooooo together mentally, not.  

[kayc]

I thought we were in agreeance too.

[kevin]

Daughter showed up to help me organize the house and pack easy boxes....My plan is lets get this Garage/giveaway sale going by the week end....Forecast for weekend is rain or snow.....Plan is what doesn't go will find its way to Red Cross or Local Dump ..........Can't believe it, leg is coming back really good...Cane only

[Widowedbysuicide]

So happy to read your great news Kevin!  

[Gwenivere]

Great about your leg, Kevin.  Too bad the timing is off.  We had a couple of garage sales, but always in summer.  I’d never do one again, to much trouble.  I donate or trash anything now.

[kayc]

I'm glad your leg is doing so well, Kevin, I'm sure it's because you're doing as instructed.  Don't overdo it with the garage sale, like Gwen mentioned, it's a lot of trouble for the pittance we get in return.  Get donation receipts for your taxes. 

[Margm]

Kevin, you are an inspiration.  Good luck with all you've taken on.  Sometimes it is worth it.  Although, driving back to town Billy left me in, it was bittersweet, had thoughts of "what if" and that cannot be.  No regrets, except I had to do things without Billy.  We had been planning on heading back home soon anyhow.   I needed to help take care of my mom.  As it was, moving back so soon after Billy's leaving, I was really a wreck and of no help.  The shock is that the 20 years I was away from "home" it was like I was Rip Van Winkle.  Time did not stand still and I find so many family and friends had left, just like Billy did.  So much bittersweet to life.  Guess that is what we do, we are born and we die.  I sound very cynical, but I mean it to be just sad.  

Funny thing.  On the country roads back to old town I left, I had to pass through a wall of smoke.  Someone was burning things in a very big way.  The smell made me think someone was burning skunks and I gagged and thought  how cruel.  Could not think of anyone doing something so cruel, maybe finding a home with lots of skunks.  Then it dawned on me on the way home, those were not skunks, they were "skunk weed" and the odor made me want to throw up.  I don't know the value of such weeds, but if a terrible odor makes the weed more valuable, a lot of money went up in smoke.  Did not see any cop cars.  Empty area, I guess a good place to grow such stuff.    

[kayc]

Marg, I've seen skunk weed growing on my place on occasion, it truly does smell like skunk!  I can't imagine a pile of them burning!  Never thought of them having any value.

[Margm]

Kay, there is a grade of weed that smells just like a skunk.  I call it skunk weed, but it is marijuana.  Oh yes, I'm an expert.  No, I do not smoke anything legal or nonlegal.  I will say Billy smoked it the last couple of weeks, outside by the RV.  My son got it for him.  He could not walk, but he saw me coming out the kitchen into the garage and he bowleggedly ran to me.  So, I can attest that it made him feel better.  It is supposed to increase their appetites, but his had gone so far he could not eat.  More bitter sweet memories.

[kayc]

Ours is called Skunk Cabbage, it's a large plant, smells just like a skunk.  It is a weed, I thought that was what you were talking about.  I've also been told that Cannabis helps the nausea and appetite that plague cancer patients.

[Margm]

I knew about the skunk cabbage/plant.  This new plant is new to me in the past few years.  I still just shake my head about this stuff, cannot imagine smoking something that smells like a skunk.  I think this area where it was grown, it is miles away from a police department, but still, if the sheriff rode down that road, they had to stop and ask questions, or maybe they were the ones doing the burning.  I don't know, but I was coming home before the picture of people burning real skunks got out of my head and I realized what they were burning.