Looking For The Positives

[kayc]

That and he inherited great brains from his father!   

[kayc]

Got to see my grandchildren Sunday as Vincent turned 2.  My son has become quite the professional cake decorator (for his kids' birthdays), unreal!  Here's pictures, also a picture of my granddaughter's last cake that my son made.  The track was actually grey not brown, it was from his homemade fondant.

 

 

[widow'15]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

Got to see my grandchildren Sunday as Vincent turned 2.  My son has become quite the professional cake decorator (for his kids' birthdays), unreal!  Here's pictures, also a picture of my granddaughter's last cake that my son made.  The track was actually grey not brown, it was from his homemade fondant.

Kayc:  Your grandchild, Vincent is so adorable.  How good you got to spend time with your family and celebrate a birthday in such fun way.  And, your son is really amazing - he can do anything can't he?  From repairing autos to making beautiful birthday cakes.  You were an amazing Mom to have shared some genes with him.  Dee

[kayc]

Yeah, but he didn't get his "abilities" from me, he just really is a truly amazing person...his character is of the highest and surpasses even his abilities, in my esteem.  He has a servant's heart.  Little Vincent seems to be taking right after him!

[kayc]

  13 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

That's Amazing!Isn't it funny how we find the people who are in our corner when we need them the most and our angels when we are feeling our lowest. All of us seem to be surrounded by kindness and all we need to do is be open with people and given the chance most will help.
 

I've really seen that with this horrendous storm we just went through.  13-16 days ago I was struggling not to give into the blackness...no electricity for 8-9 days, no phone until yesterday (it was back briefly then gone), vehicles behind 6 ft of snow, no water to flush with, food going bad, couldn't get to the coolers because the building they were in was blocked by 6 ft of snow!  In the blackness of the night listening to my trees breaking all around me, tons of branches and quite a few trees...it's the eeriest feeling in the world.  And all alone.

Yesterday began the reprieve from snow.  Oh sure, I still have snow everywhere but it's no longer snowing!  We're seeing the sun appear, in the 50s and by this weekend the 60s!  My son showed up just when I needed him most, and when I saw him I told him he was an angel and I cried.  People helped others...our small Baptist Church provided refuge for 60 stranded middleschoolers and 20 of their chaperones.  Dairy Queen, Subway, the Food Bank, and Red Cross all helped and another pastor loaned a huge barbecue grill and others generators to be able to take care of them.  All of that was going on while I was cut off from the world, unable to get any news.  One of my neighbors passed out drinking water, another fruit, another birdseed for the birds.  The young went door to door checking on the elderly.  My son shoveled snow and friends of his showed up to help him.  The whole town saw their own miracles...even a train was stranded in our town for a couple of days.  That made national news but they at least had heat, food, water, even showers!  There were many in dire straits with no heat, water, etc.  But we came through it.

And that's the thing that sticks with me...we weathered it, we came through it and now we see a little light at the end of the tunnel!  Much like our grief journeys only with grief it takes longer, but the analogy is there.

Yesterday I got the rest of the trees and branches out of "Arlie's fence" (my dog's)...I still have the rest of the yard to do but it will have to wait until the snow melts and I will need some help disposing of all of the debris, it's huge.  But it felt so good to have Arlie's yard cleaned up so he can run and play without injuring himself on a stob, and that I was able to do that by myself in just a couple of weeks, I could not have imagined!

It's amazing what we can do...little by little, one day at a time.

[MartyT]

♥️♥️♥️

[kevin]

Well got back from my trans continental auto trip....What a great time except for the floods, cold, and now snow.......Visited people, relatives, step fathers, and some stops were definite "triggers", but brought smiles........Nice to be back to my "new Home".......May should bring summer because Spring still isn't here(30-40F)...Golfing Tuesday even if in snowshoes.....Cooking AlphaGetti for GrandKid now.....always a favorite...

[Gwenivere]

Welcome back!  Where is the new home exactly now?  We’re about 20 degrees above you.  Looking at 70’s next week.  If you golf in snowshoes, you gotta post a picture!

[kayc]

It's been in the 30s and 40s at night but 60s daytime...moving into 70s this week.  Wow, you're having snow!  I'm so glad it's been gone here about a month.  I finally got my trees/branches stacks gone, it's been two months since the big snowstorm and less since the subsequent rainstorms that caused so much damage.  Glad for Spring!

Enjoy that grandchild!  I'll see mine tomorrow at a funeral, wish it was for something more enjoyable.

[kayc]

I made it through surgery and home okay but had some issues with my car dying at a low speed three separate times today.  Glad to be home.  He said to expect pain the next couple of days, I have to come back in 12 days to have the stitches out and in three months for another exam, they said it's a requirement when they find Melanoma.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

[Gwenivere]

Glad your home, Kay.  Bummer about the car.  Why do things like that happen when we are already dealing with something significant?  Not like grocery shopping.  Anyway, if you have pain, I hope they gave you good meds!  I always figure that’s the least they can do.  😎

[MartyT]

Good to know that this surgery is behind you, Kay. I'm so sorry that your car kept cutting out on you. You are one determined lady, and an inspiration for us all. ♥

[Gin]

Glad to hear that at least the surgery is over.  Hope the car starts behaving and the follow up has good news. Gin

[brat#2]

Glad the surgery went well and you made it home Kay.  Take it easy the next few days and you are in our thoughts.

 

[CairnLady]

Kayc,

Wishing you a speedy recovery. Rest and be extra good to yourself.

[Widowedbysuicide]

Sending wishes for a good result and a well deserved rest and recovery.

[kayc]

Well, didn't get much rest, fitful sleep over car problems, by 5 am I was on the computer looking for a new car, I've always known I'd get another Civic, they're so dependable.  Took me all day but I bought a 2016 Civic LX with only 8740 miles!  Still has new car smell, all the maintenance records, one owner.

 

[widow'15]

kayc: now that's a perfect Mother's Day present.  Nice.  Dee

[KarenK]

Nice Mother's Day today for me. I woke up thinking it would be a rather sad day as Debbie would always call on Mother's Day and my birthday. When I walked into the kitchen, there was a basket flower arrangement sitting on the island. My son had bought it for me. He said he woke up and realized that I really have no one left to buy anything for me except for him  so he went out and got them. I was pleasantly surprised as neither he nor my grandson are big on gifts except for Christmas. During childhood and marriage there were gifts and cards exchanged for every occasion. It was just a way of life, one which he did not adopt. I give thanks for the blessings I still have.

Kay, so glad surgery is behind you. Your Mother's Day gift is beautiful and you so deserve it.

[Gwenivere]

How wonderful for you, Karen!  I know how hard Debbie is on your heart.  Kudos for your son.  ⭐️

[mittam99]

Kay glad you're on the mend and congrats on the new Civic. Great choice. With only 8,000+ miles on the clock you literally are still breaking that motor in. Amazing find. That Aegean Blue is a really sharp color too.

If you have any questions regarding the car let me know.

[george p]

This is my first try at joining the web site, I have read several of the posts about the loss of a spouse.

 I really don't know where to begin so I may ramble a bit. I lost my wife of over 58 years on 3/3/2019 . She had been in failing health for about 3 years, but her passing was sudden. She had been a huge part of my life for over 60 years , now I feel lost . My grief counselor told me that it would take a bit of time for it all to become real to me and boy was she right. I was so busy trying to get all of the arrangements made after Mary passed I did not have time to face reality. We had planned a lot of our passing already so I knew her wishes , that was a great help . I had been buying most of the food and necessities for some time so I was okay in that way, I also had been doing most of the cooking and all of the housework for some time. Mary was able to take care of herself mostly , she struggled with some things but she got most of them done.

 I could ramble on forever about what has happened, but I wanted to find some positive. Over the weekend both of my sons called and we had good conversations , one of my nieces and her husband came to see me yesterday (Mothers Day) and my oldest grandson called. They knew it would help us all through the first special day, and it sure did.

I do okay most of the time, but I am struggling to cope with my loss , reading other people's posts helps, I feel very fortunate that Mary didn't suffer in her passing , it all happened in just a matter of a few minutes, it was 3.40am and the 911 help was here within minutes after my call, but she had passed before they got here. They tried to revive her but could not , that was the way she wanted to go . We had several people in our lives that suffered for long periods, with no hope, before they passed , so we saw the grief that everyone endured. 

 I will just take it day to day and see where I go to.

George p 

 

[CairnLady]

George,

So very sorry for your loss. This is the group no one wants to join, but you will find understanding and support from the folks here.

This is a place where you can safely post all your thoughts and feelings.

I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly in July 2016. Almost 3 years and I still struggle with grief. One day at a time, and to borrow a saying from another member, one foot in front of the other.

Sending you wishes for peace in your heart, comfort and solace.

[kayc]

15 hours ago, mittam99 said:

If you have any questions regarding the car let me know.

Is this the same year as yours is?  Mine is 2016 Civic LX.

[Margm]

George, on July 3rd, Billy and I would have been married 58 years.  Instead, he made a fairly fast exit October 17, 2015.  We had fought some illnesses and our attitude for all of them was "no, it is not time to go."  We got through them.  My head was on his hospital bed, he woke me up, we had been in the ER since daylight and it was after 4:00 am when we got to the room.  My last retort to him was in anger because I was not going to let him go.  He was trying to tell me he had to go.  We only knew he was so sick for five weeks.  If I even heard a wrong sound on his blood pressure monitoring I had him at the doctor..  We did not know his whole body was covered with cancer, mostly liver.  We had five weeks of hell, but I kept his pain down with morphine and would not discuss it with him.  He was not leaving me yet.  It was not time.  I was not going to let him.  It was that morning that God let me know I was not the boss.  It was the first time I demanded something  of Billy that he didn't listen to me.  In October it will be four years.  But, he was me and I was him.  I hear a door open and expect to see him for a nanosecond.  I feel I have felt his presence and it actually scared me because Billy did not believe in anything supernatural.  We do what we can.  We handle the feelings by crying at insurance and dog commercials.  I get choked up with just four words and cannot repeat them without crying.  No certain words, just words.  I get angry, I feel guilt, I feel lonesome although I have people around me 24/7.  The other day I actually had some time alone.  (I usually have to get in the car and drive to have time alone.)  And sometimes I feel C.S. Lewis's quote: "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear"  Talk to your wife all the time you want to.  Sometimes when I say my prayers at night I wind up talking to Billy and I don't mind Jesus listening in.  Billy just looks at Jesus and says "what can you do, its Marg" and neither minds.  Keep reading.  People on this forum help.