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Looking For The Positives

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Not that I ever feel happy, but last night I got a very brief respite.  BBCA ran Top Gun and Footloose.  I love action pics.  A little more romance than I care for but it was made as a chick action flick.  Footloose is such a classic.  I had seen the remake and you just can’t do that to a film like this.  Kevin Bacon, Tom Cruise and Michael J Fox, all so young.  So a big 80’s fix.  That was my fav decade for music.  Back to the Future was in that time too.  Now I have to go back to reality.  That I’m not in my 20’s/30’s and I am alone and widowed.  Couldn’t dance if I wanted to.  Hobble to refill my water.  Go to sleep and start all over again.  I’ve matured in my viewing tastes, but that time wa ps magical to me.  All was right in the world.  Mind, body, soul and love with the most wonderful man I ever knew.  

To quote another movie.....all Gone With The Wind.

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I'm glad you got to watch a movie you like, there was NOTHING on tv here last night!  Came on line instead.

And now they don't even like Gone with the Wind, want to do something to it before we can see it again.  It was the culture of that time, right or wrong, it IS part of our history, we can't re-write it, only learn from it.  I don't feel watching that movie is glorifying the culture, but that's just my opinion, apparently the world views it differently.  My sister and I had a heated discussion last night about all the things going on, we have very different takes on it.  I love talking to my family about issues because we still love each other and respect each other when the discussion is ended and it helps us see another perspective even if disagreeing.  There's many facets to everything so everything isn't just one-sided.  Nothing is 100% this way or 100% that way but contains both.  I guess I view it kind of like my life...I have been through a LOT in my life, things I wouldn't wish on anyone, things I would never ask for, but neither can I completely regret them as I learned from them and they shaped and molded me into who I am today.  They were all used for a purpose.  That is how I see the evolution of our country's history...while we can regret that some things happened, the fact is, they did, and we're all learning through it and we have and are evolving.  If we never learned anything, THEN it'd really be regrettable!

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3 hours ago, kayc said:

while we can regret that some things happened, the fact is, they did, and we're all learning through it and we have and are evolving.  If we never learned anything, THEN it'd really be regrettable!

Definitely re-quotable.  I will use it again, if it is okay with you.  

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We are on season 8 of 12 seasons of "Bones" and they use flip phones.  Now, I use a flip phone, but this was so old and I had never watched it.  Just don't watch while eating.  It is keeping me up until I have to go to bed at 4:00 a.m.  I sleep till noon.  I was a morning person.  I did get up about 9:30 once and the day was so long.  I hate we have to leave our golden years (really rusty iron years) behind with such a downer illness.  

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2 hours ago, Marg M said:

Definitely re-quotable.  I will use it again, if it is okay with you.  

Of course!

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Being another that gets up at noon (by choice), Ive thought of changing that several times but there is a problem with that. I have nothing to do most days now.  It would make getting doc appointments or tests  easier, but I don’t want to live my life for that.  When it gets to be around 6, everyone else is home too and I didn’t have to kill all that time.  Having lived this way for decades, I/we filled the nights easily.  Now I experience the loneliness without the pressure of dealing with the outside world.  It’s hard to see the world going on, even with the pandemic, as people find ways to fill the time with someone.  I only have 3 people I would see in person, not counting docs or counselors.  One a resident at the nursing home so completely out.  Another won’t do physical contact and the third is coming over Saturday to set up my AC.  I’m not used to people anymore.  Mostly because I have nothing to say so listen to all their activities.  Salt in the wound, tho that is not their intention at all.  

 

 

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I'm glad you get your A/C in Saturday!  Not having one, I hate the heat...will be in the 80s the next two days but after than back to lower temperatures and rain for the next week or so.  Okay by me!

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I’m having a hard time sorting out how I feel on the changes being made concerning a time in history we find repugnant now, as we should, but did happen.  I don’t see erasure as the answer.  I’m OK with getting rid of the flags and statues.  But wanting to change movies like Gone With The Wind is nuts.  I was rereading your post, Kay.  Agree on your take.  Now that racism is forefront, we need to keep going that direction.  

The AC I have is helpful.  Only so much a portable can do.  It does help.  You’re stuck in one room tho.  Have to keep emptying a water reservoir and if I don’t while I have the TV on, it will trip my DVR and restart it.  That’s OK as long as it’s not recording.  Have to pin up the sheet blocking the kitchen before bed.  I shouldn’t gripe, but I’m old now and I’ve earned it.  

My younger dog threw up last night close to bedtime.  She inhales food and eats gawd knows what in the yard, she had been out for last potty break.  What I’m trying to understand is WHY in a house with drool towels, dog mats and area rugs they STILL do that on the carpet.  Had to drag out the shop vac at 3:30am.  Had a bad back day as it was so that added to it.  I’ve only had this ongoing poblem with Goldens.  Their so noble when not acting goofy.  

Off to lunch and figuring out how to kill another day.  It always starts so badly by waking up.  Have to. call the hospital billing as a claim is being reprocessed.  Fun fun.  Hoping to get a shower in.  Well, barely an hour in, 15 to go.  

 

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18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

WHY in a house with drool towels, dog mats and area rugs they STILL do that on the carpet.

Haha!  That's the age old question for me too!  Kodie eats EVERYTHING and I have throw rugs everywhere but he'll manage to get some spot that I can't throw in the washer!

Going to be hot again today, can't complain thought, it's not Phoenix (THAT is hot!).

Survived all day trip to town yesterday.  Got $328 Kate Spade dress for $28, pretty happy about that.  I rarely fall in love with a dress but I did that one...tried it on in front of everyone in the store over my shirt/shorts (can't use dressing rooms now) as it has a fitted waist that looks small.  Got Kodie a new toy on my way back from the dentist, he got so excited!!  He gave me a kiss, ran to his toy, came back and gave me another kiss!  He was so appreciative!  Arlie used to get excited to get a new toy too.  Great report at dentist, gums healthy, they love that I'm off of sugar.

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Finally got my hair cut today.  Took off 4 inches.  Drove home with my hair down.  Haven’t had it down in months except to dry.  I’m glad that it’s done, but sure miss that I like it down, but that was because I was with someone.  This gives me time between washings as showers are intense being disabled. I couldn’t even get it washed being unable to put my head totally down, tho other places usually worked more with me with a rolled up towel.  But crossed off my list anyhow.  

Talked with my doc today and supposed to get a knee drained next week and schedule a dermatology appointment for my legs.  Just when I thought I was free of tests or procedures for awhile.  Gonna call the drain people and have them look at the scans and see if uts big enough to make this worth it.  The procedure is intense enough,  but have to add in the walk from the parking lot.  This means charging my portable oxygen to carry in too.  I don’t want to take chances of getting lightheaded.  It’s times like this, as much as I hate lockdown, I’d rather just dive into bed hoping this was yet another nightmare.  

Went by the community center to donate again and again they gave me food of which I mostly turned down.  Just took some chicken and rice for my kids.  I told them I did not need it,  but they insisted.  

The positive today was my youngest dog did not throw up this morning.  She had for a couple of days.  I’m still trying to figure out why, in a house with drool towels, throw rugs, a carpet pad by the back door, she thinks the carpet is better.   

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I'm glad you got your haircut!  Little things like that can make us feel human again!  Could you go to a salon for your hair washings?  They usually have you lay back in a chair with your head supported and they do all the work.

No answer for the dog, haven't figured that one out myself.  Discovered my puppy had an accident on one of my new rugs so had to wash it last night...Lane Electric was shutting our power off at 10 to switch over to Bonneville Power, took six hours, I barely got it washed/dried before the shutoff.

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That was the problem, I couldn’t lay my head down enough.  Salons are able to wash and condition hair fast.  But I can’t see going to one3 times a week.  I was jus hoping for th fancy stuff as I use Sauve or whatever is on sale.

ally pooped in bed again.  Guess this is going to be her schedule.  So far I’d rather that as the bed coverings or smaller to wash when needed.  It just breaks my heart for hr dignity.  Not that she feels that emotion.

Power outages are ALWAYS a pain.  So much stuff to reset when it comes on.  And why can’t they happen during the day?  I hate lighting all kinds candles I have to get out.  I have some strategically placed, but not enough.  

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Finally getting dry up here...able to walk up to 4-5 km on the Golf course once a week.....ride a cart the other times. Have baby birds chirping like crazy so things are happening. Have 20 baby Geese at Golf Course...almost tame..

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That time of year!  I hear the nightingales calling for mates all night.  I little less every few days.  Summer love!  🦆

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We must have gotten your rain, Kevin, ahh well, everything needed a drink.

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My wife loved songbirds. Today I was sitting outside and a beautiful bird roosted right in front of me, and was just looking at me. I thought that maybe my beloved wifes spirit was in that bird. I don't  know if that is silly, but id like to believe it.

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I really wish I did get feelings like you did, mick.  I’ve felt nothing that gives me a sense Steve is still around.  Only my memories or sometimes in dreams.  I did change radio stations on my alarm because I got so tired of being woken to songs that triggered memories constantly.  I had heard the term 'grief toolbox' and maybe this is one you have I am missing.  During the first year I thought some things were signs, but as time has passed I have seen they are not.  Just coincidence.  As Marty said,  who’s to say it isn’t.  I hope you see many more songbirds as that sounds like a beautiful way to maintain some connection.  💖

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When I moved into the apartment after Billy left, a cardinal perched on the wrought iron railing right outside the living room window.  I never saw it again.  Maybe he knew where I was and it was okay.   

 

hope.jpg

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Sorry, must have been too big for one post.  Hope I didn't screw up things.  I used to type manuscripts and fit them in a box to submit to medical journals.  I could fit them in, and that was so many years ago.  I had the cardinal picture saved, but it was too big for the box.  

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Mick, I saw a blue dragonfly (he knew I loved dragonflies) the other day and it hung around me for quite a while, I wondered the same thing so you're not alone in your thoughts...who know how any of this works but if it makes us feel better to think such things, who is to say we're wrong?!

Marg, I love your quote!

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