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Dealing With Life -- And Dad...


Miss Ngu

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Thought I'd bring my grief over to the Behaviors section...since life is all-so-new to me once again...

Today is my Dad's 81st birthday, and his first without his wife of 60 years (my Mom), who died 9 months ago. I am not feeling well, but went out to breakfast with him, to see him, and celebrate his day. As we are driving to the restaurant, he says he wants to tell me something, and only I (and my husband) can know. This means...don't tell my sister. Ok -- here we go... he tells me that he went out to dinner with a woman last night. Someone he knows. They had a nice time. Funny, here I am missing my mother while going to a restaurant we would all go to, and now, my thoughts have been shifted rather abruptly. Ok - I am happy that my Dad confides in me and trusts me. We had a nice breakfast, and, on the drive home, even talked a bit about my Mom and brother (who died 4 years ago Feb 27th). I am so torn. I know that my Dad is lonely and primarily wants someone to go to dinner with, so, I know this is all probably a good thing. I am just in such new territory with my conversations with my Dad. I also know that his behavior is normal for some -- and he is not trying to replace my mother. And, I know that my behavior and reactions to what he is saying to me are normal. It's just hard.

Good news...I told my Dad that my husband and I were thinking of moving a little further away, and he didn't seem to have much of a problem with it. So, that was a relief. I guess I felt I had the space to tell him something that might challenge him as well (spiteful child that I am).

Here's my cat update -- for those who care...

The "new" cat came home after her 2nd spay/exploratory surgery and is recovering well in her "safe room" (away from our two "existing" cats). The Veterinarian said that he found some remaining ovarian tissue and removed it, so, she should stop going into heat. We are going to start the re-introduction this week with the new cat and the existing ones. Will go very slowly with the introduction process, and hope that they all can become friends -- or at least tolerate each other in peace.

Here's my menopause and grief update...

Never got a reply from anyone, so, I guess I am the only woman going through this...

No, really, there isn't much info on the web regarding women going through the change of life and grieving the loss of their mother at the same time. It is mentioned as a one-liner in some books and articles, if the writer had that experience, but, not much seems to be written about both of these processes happening simultaneously, even though MANY middle-aged women have mothers who die during this time of their lives.

I always feel better after I write on this site. Still working on "enjoying" my new life -- while doing my grieving work. Getting used to no longer chatting on the phone with my friends. Freed-up a lot of time! My husband and I are dieting together -- which is a good thing, I hope. I can keep living through these changes. I will always have my Mom as my #1 cheerleader (I can feel her in my heart). I just have to remember that!!!!

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