Dad's Birthday

[Beth M]

I lost dad on January 13th 2012, just yesterday it seems, not 6 weeks ago. Tomorrow is his 66th birthday. I am taking my boys and I up north to spend the day with my mom. I am dreading every second of it. I know I need to be there for my mom, but I feel like I just want to be alone with my grief. I will go, and I will support her and I will be there so my boys can shoot their guns that my dad gave them etc... but I feel like I am smothering just thinking about being there on a day that we would normally be doing those things with my dad.

The books I have read and those I have talked to that have been in this situation say to just keep talking about your feelings.....don't any of you ever feel like those around your are simply tired of you talking about it? I feel like that. I am surrounded by people who care about me, but feel very alone.. Thanks for listening.

[MartyT]

Beth, dear, I think you will find that your need to talk about your grief far outlasts the willingness of those around you to listen. That is precisely why this place is so important, so valuable, so needed. It is a safe place to take your grief, and no one here will ever tell you that we're tired of listening to you talk about it.♥

[Beth M]

Thank you very much, this site has been very helpful. Beth

[niamh]

hi Beth,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Dad and having to face his birthday so so soon on top of it. I don't have any words of real comfort, I don't believe they exist. I too lost my Dad suddenly 26 months ago and I was his biggest fan & will forever be my Daddy's girl.

I do think as time goes on the rest of the world forgets what you are going through every single day and many people do tire of hearing about it. This site and everyone here continues to be a lifeline for me and I hope you will find that too. Nobody here ever tires of hearing the same thing, the same feelings. While none of us knows exactly how we each feel there's so much we can relate to so I hope you always feel like you can keep talking and sharing here.

My Dad and losing him is still the first thought when I wake and the last thought before I go to sleep 7 days a week and a billion times throughout everyday. It's still a huge deal to me and it always will be as far as I am concerned.

I can so relate to you trying to do something that normally your Dad is part of, I still have a hard time doing things like that, the emptiness is just so HUGE and things feel so wrong because he's not there.

I am sorry you are dreading today so much and that while you want to be alone you will go spend it with your Mom and boys. I hope you get through the day "ok" for want of a better word. Sending lots of good wishes and peace to you and thinking of you on this awful extra hard day.

((hugs)) to you

Niamh

[Beth M]

Niamh

Thank you so much for your kind words, and I am sorry for the loss of your dad, there is certainly nothing in this life that prepares you for that loss! I'm glad to be on this site and know that what I am feeling is "normal" lol Those in my life who have not had this loss, just seem to think this should just go away. My 12 year old son won his basketball tournament yesterday and the first person I went to call was my dad..... Being up north for his birthday was good for my boys and for my mom, they felt a sense of peace and enjoyed riding four wheelers and shooting his guns. It was nice to see my boys doing the things that my dad taught them to do, but agonizing knowing he wasn't there and was never going to be there again. My mom had a birthday cake and wanted us to sing Happy Birthday to him, I did it for her, but the tsunami of emotions that overcame me was overwhelming. Thank you very much for your thoughts and good wishes, it certainly helps to be able to express myself and know that there are many who understand. Thank you.

Beth

[credu2007]

Hey Beth I have to tell you I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom on May 31,2011 and her birthday is on Monday March 5th. I am hurting so much right now I can't stand it. My mom was my best friend and in my mind ALL I had. I talked to her everyday, I took her every where she had to go, I took care of her every minute she needed me. She had Chroinc Obstructive Pulmonary Diease (COPD)and I knew her diease was coming to an end but I didn't expect her to leave me when and how she did. I was with her when she passed. I thought I was doing ok till lastnight and tonight. Im hurting so much right now I just want it to stop. I am a single mom of three children and I would love to be alone in my grief but it is not an option. The only time alone I have is at night when the kids are in bed asleep. I do believe talking about your loss helps. I do get tired of talking but when i feel the need to talk about it I do. I am hear to listen to you and thank you for listening to me.

Crystal

[Beth M]

Oh Crystal,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so bad, I do understand. It's hard to explain that kind of pain to anyone who hasn't had this kind of loss. Like your mom, my dad was that go to person for me. My dad had pulmonary fibrosis which is similar to your mom's COPD, and I too knew I was going to lose my dad, but there is certainly no way to prepare for it. I did go and talk to a grief counselor as I was becoming very frustrated with my brain not working ( I work full time as an RN and am in grad school so I needed my brain to start working!), and her advice did help. She said to make a box of memories of my dad and each night set aside 20-30 minutes that was just for me to grieve, no kids, no homework, no phone etc... and to take this time to go through my box, or journal, or talk to my dad but that this was just my time to grieve. It has helped to set this time aside for myself. I was a single mom for 9 years up until last year and so I know how hard it is to find time for yourself, maybe this would help you to have a specific time that is for you and your mom. My thoughts are with you during this very difficult time, and I too am here to listen if you need to talk. This site has been so very helpful for me and am glad I found it! Hope you are able to find a reason to smile today (I have started making myself think of at least one thing that my dad did to make me smile or laugh when I am having the worst of times with my grief....laughter through tears!) Thank you again for listening.

Beth

[Manquer]

Crystal,

Both my parents are gone. I have a journal dedicated to each of them. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and survived just one short year after the diagnosis. Once she passed I gathered photos, cards, letters and anything else that reminded me of her and started a journal logging our journey through that last year. Now I write in it every year on her birthday and on the day that she died I try to honor her by drinking her favorite drink and preparing a dish of hers that I love. It helps a lot. Now I've recently lost my dad and although I have a journal for him ready to be written in, I'm just not ready. He was one of my best friends. I have so many letters, cards and pictures to remind me of him i don't know where to begin. But I know once I do the process of compiling his journal and reflecting will help a lot. Perhaps you could start a journal or scrapbook for your mom? For me it's helped put memories down on paper so I know I won't forget. I also like to compose lists of favorite memories or just little flashbacks which always make me smile.

My parents will be apart of me forever. I now have a tattoo for each of them so not only are they with me spiritually my physical self can carry apart of them as well.

[Princesspeanut]

I don't know if this would help you or not...I lost my Dad 17months ago. For his birthday, the first one I wasn't there to celebrate with him, I still had a celebration for him. I bought a balloon, went to the roof of my building and sent it up to heaven. I ate his favorite foods and played his favorite music. I also cried, I let it out and I let myself grieve. In a few weeks it will be his 60th birthday. Thinking of something special to do for him to remember the wonderful day God gave him life.