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Missing My Grandma. . . .


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Everyday I think of her. I don't cry everyday anymore - but I sure do miss her every day. Some days my mind still blocks out that she is gone. My mind can't grasp that she isn't walking around her kitchen clicking her teeth doing something.

St. Patty's day is coming up - Grandma was proud to be 100% Irish - so the kids and I split a shamrock shake at McD's for her (she loved those things). I have a photo of her in my kitchen so I can see her when I cook. I have a photo of her in my hallway so I can see her when I walk anywhere. I have one of her table runners in my entry way so I can see her when I got home.

Things have been crazy here. The youngest of my four kids was just diagnosed with autism (my oldest has autism) - and I wanted to call and talk to Grandma. . . but I couldn't. We finally just sold our house (yesterday) and when I got the news the closing was complete I wanted to call Grandma and tell her. . . but I couldn't. Everyday there is something I want to share with her - but I can't. She was the only person in my life who fully supported me, who I could count on day or night, who I could tell anything to - and now she is gone.

I have never had a lot of friends. I am different than most people my age - I generally find I don't have a lot in common with people (I think I bore them!) Grandma never made me feel different - she loved me for who I am. Grandma was my best friend. I am finding Grandma was a lot of people's best friend.

I miss her so much - I just want her here. At the same time though I realize how selfish that is. Grandma had 36 years with me. Grandma was tired. She couldn't see. She couldn't hear. She couldn't do the things she loved anymore. She was in pain. My Grandfather died in 1969 - and she missed him so much. My aunt died in 1961 - she missed her so much. I know Grandma is where she needs to be - no more pain - no more blindness - with Grandpa and Aunt Mary. . . . I just miss her so much and would do anything to hug her again.

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((hugs)) to you Angel. I find too I think my mind still blocks it out at times, I think it's the only way I can survive with this invisible anaesthetic.

Aw I didn't realise your Grandma was Irish. I like having the things my Dadliked to eat also and always make a point on my special days to get one of his favourite things to eat.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about you youngest child, same thing happened with a close friend of mine recently, it sounds so hard to cope with on the best of days. I have things every single day too that I want to share with Dad, a lot of them are so small and I don't end up sharing with anyone else because sometimes there are so "insignificant" but yet so significant if it was between me and Dad.

I know I still really look forward to the day I meet him again.......sometimes I wonder how will my mind keep track of all the things we need to catch up on.

love and hugs to you Angel and hoping as always that your Grandma and my Dad are still somewhere by our sides,

Niamh

x

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