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Near Death Experiences And Grief


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What a wonderful experience and life changing one at that. That nurse was indeed an angel. Thank you so much for sharing this. A close friend of mine had an out of body experience similar to yours....and like you she remembers every single detail. A few clients of mine over the years have shared their out of body experiences or NDEs.

Though I have not had one of those, I have treasured the apparition I experienced (of Bill) the night he died. Those moments in our lives are sacred and life changing.

And yours led you to Doug....meant to be, fae, meant to be.

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fae, I am glad you are seeking treatment for your ear, they can get bad so quickly.

I also had a NDE, when my kids were young, they were there watching them try to get me back, they couldn't get a BP reading on me at all and were afraid they were losing me. I watched all that was going on as if it were someone else they were working on, so I guess I must have been out of my body. I remember what I saw was very peaceful and inviting, and I wanted to go to it. I felt the choice was mine. I opted to stay because I felt my kids needed me, but I know when the time comes, it will be peaceful and wonderful.

George must have felt that way too because he chose to go. When I told him to hold on, twice, he shook his head twice, and we all know the end result. I believe his tired body wanted to let go. In the beginning there were times I felt abandoned, like he chose to leave me, but I can't imagine the kind of pain he was in and of course he would want to go to the light, the peacefulness.

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Oh thanks for these responses. I just came here because I was feeling very low. It was sparked off by the sudden appearance of Pete's cousin and husband. I thought they lived in Spain, but they have recently moved back to York about fifty miles away from me. And they have a caravan and are on a little site near here. But instead of alerting me to their coming they just popped in. And I was just about to set out with friend J who was going to cut around the pond in our field. I was so surprised to see them I failed in my usual hospitality (though I did offer them tea). I've got a breakfast with a friend in the morning and a BBQ in the evening so I had to tell them I was busy. They took my phone number and will ring me (they stay for a few days). I've not seen them since before Pete died and I found myself hating the conversation. Pete's cousin is a warm lovely person but when she said "Pete wasn't very old, was he? How old?" I suddenly felt totally angry and alienated from her and I still do. I've noticed this in me before. I don't like people to talk about Pete like that. Like what, you may say. My answer is I don't know. Like he has gone? Oh I don't know. It's as though my feelings, my grief, are very very private to me. I don't want anyone else to share.

Anyway reading these experiences helps me. I need to feel hope that Pete and I will be reunited. I need it like you all do. And I need my friends here to hear me when I scream silently. You all know what I mean. Jan

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Dear Jan,

Yes, I get it.

One of the hardest things to overcome has been my tendency to get angry with people who try to "take ownership" of Doug. One woman tried to tell me how Doug loved a certain musical artist. As if I did not know, since I introduced him to the music! Another tried to tell me how Doug felt about something, and that friend was completely incorrect. And some try to make statements such as the cousin made to you, "Doug was so young to go, he must have been very angry" and such things.

NO ONE is going to get entirely it that you and Pete were soul mates and knew each other from the heart out. Not the way you and Pete know that. And anyone who drops in should expect nothing more than to be dropped back out until we can fit them into our schedules. Unless they used to drop in when Pete was still living in his body. Maybe they thought that was still all right. But even that does not matter, because you have the right to live your life for your own happiness and peace. Good for you.

I am sending some {{{hugs}}} to you, because I am proud of you for taking care of yourself. Keep it up. :)

*<twinkles>*

fae

ps . . . you could always go outside and scream out loud if you want to, just make sure you do not scare the nesting birds. ;)

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Jan, I am so glad you chose to tell these drop ins that you had plans. With grief comes vulnerability and being caught off guard just does not work. It is sort of like a grief trigger, something that just catches you off guard and as a result you react to it as opposed to responding. You have a right to any feeling you have and no one has to understand it or accept it. You have a right to say "no" any time you wish to. Remember the Bill of Rights: http://www.hospicenwks.net/billofrights.pdf

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights-
By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel
obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one
who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and
cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to
assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.
You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help,
don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much
as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you
also have the right to be silent.
You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as
part of your grief journey. Find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your
body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don't allow others to push
you into doing things you don't feel ready to do.
You have the right to experience “griefbursts.”
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be
frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it
out.
You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be
around people who understand and support your religious beliefs.
You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will
always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share
them.
You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be
patient and tolerant with yourself. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death
of someone loved changes your life forever.
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Oh yes, Fae. That is it exactly. The sense of ownership, someone trying to take over my grief. Ok others are upset about my Pete dying but I can't stand it when they tell me. I remember a friend coming into our house, standing stock still and saying "Oh, this is the first time I've been here since Pete died" and expecting me to feel for her. As if!

I will try to understand what I felt. It's exactly what you said, Fae. And Mary, that is also so apt. I feel better already for sharing this.

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I know that it was very surprising to me to realize that George had other relationships that I was not a part of. And each of those people had a different glimpse of him than I did. I did not envy them that, but rather was amazed that he had so much to go around. I did not, however, want to share him with another female, and I remember his friend's wife trying to worm her way in there...I did not like it, not one little bit! She wanted his hat when he died. Hell NO! If I were to give anyone his hat, it would be to his friend Dan. So far, I have not been able to part with it. But it sure isn't going to some female that wanted more of him than she could have.

I know this is different than what you are describing with Pete's cousin, Jan, I don't know why this all came back to me, but it did. There was no one closer to George than I was, and no one he wanted to be that close to, but me. We were soul mates, best friends, lovers, and everything in the world to each other...just as you and Pete were.

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It may be different. Kay, but we are still,talking the same language about deep feelings. I suppose that our grief helps us to understand ourselves better, and maybe that helps us to care for ourselves better too. I know I have to care for myself as Pete would want me to. Your George would feel that way wouldn't he?

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Exactly, Jan!

We must take the love we feel for our Beloved and turn 100% of it to our own spirits, our own hearts, our own care, peace, and well-being. We must turn 100% of it toward our joy.

It is not that hard to do, just meditate on it. I can do it for a few minutes, but then I lose it. But at least I know how it feels now. :)

Good point, Jan, very good point.

Namaste,

fae

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It's nice to see my old post coming around again. Thanks Marty! I'll certainly take a look and listen at this video.

My gut feeling tells me there is something after death, and I'm an avid reader of the NDERF site, where people post their near death experiences. Many of them seem very honest and believable, but there are some that quite frankly sound a little made up - or at least embellished.

I suppose we'll never really know what comes next until we die for good. I live in hope though...

Melina

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Melina, you summed up what is so essential for all of us, that we live in hope. I suppose that's why we listen to others when they relay their NDE for they seem to have in common that they have peace, many state that they feel they have a choice, many share seeing a light they are drawn to. It is the commonalities in unrelated experiences that lends credence, in my estimation.

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I cannot wait to listen/watch these links. I just arrived home last night and have a bunch of things to accomplish today. This is a subject that I have been interested in for a long time. Thanks for sharing all of these.

QMary

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ironic for me that near the darkest hour of my life I see this post on NDE's.

I experienced one myself in 1967. Car wreck.

Pronounced DOA twice en route to the hospital. Once again during surgery.

I was sent back. Oh how I wish I could have been allowed to stay.

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You can't mean that, Chris. You would have missed out on so much of your life with Paula!

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  • 2 months later...

I was lying on the bed a couple of weeks ago thinking of my wife and how much I miss her when the phone rang with the caller ID saying “call from Carole”" L”., my wife's name, and the number that came up was our own home phone number, I answered it and, of course there was nobody there. This had never happened before and I have no explanation, I can’t think of any electronic issue that could account for it. Then unbelievably, a week later, my phone rang again with my wife on the caller ID as I was typing this story online. I used to think that those who were having signs were just subject of coincidence or wishful thinking but now???
I miss her so much but this was no coincidental occurrence.

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Although it would probably freak me out, I would be delighted to hear from my husband! I'm so glad for you! Near as I could come was a dream last night.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello All,

I am new to this thread but the subject matter has been part of my life for over 30 years of exploration into all things spiritual, so I am very glad to see that afterlife is shared here. I have had strong contact with my beautiful partner since his crossing and the relationship continues strongly.....I can hear him speak to me in my heart and this has changed the whole meaning of my life. Before I was more a student and dabbler in spiritual study and now I am learning to really live it and bring it out in the world more.....to live in both dimensions at the same time.

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Thanks Anne. You know for me, I am really understanding and knowing more and more it is just our belief in separation that keeps us from knowing and experiencing our multidimensional self that lives in both physical and non physical reality. In the video here, the speaker talks about experiences of hyperreality and I've had some of those. I think in those moments is when I really experienced myself as a Soul, a non physical Being. One was very much out of body and very much another place connected to the physical but not just 5 sensory awareness. It was so much more another kind of awareness of everything.

Annew

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Death is nothing at all I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident ?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight ?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past ; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again !

Canon Henry Scott-Holland (1847-1918)

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I love that, it's how I feel.

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I had been feeling it more and more in the past couple of weeks.....he is still SO here with me. It was a great gift to see it put in words and I am glad to relate to it Kay. Big hugs to you today. :)

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