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Coping After The Loss

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It is three and a half months since my husband passed away from lung cancer and I feel the loss keenly as I now live entirely alone without anyone to talk to. I have had several advice handed out to me - go here, do that, take up a hobby and so on. I have found out after trying to see what is out there in the worlds for me that I do not care for the things that are on offer such as activities. I am a lady of 71 years of age and have a chronic chest condition called Bronchiectasis and I am on medication so I do not want to jump around doing line dancing, keep fit etc.

I do go to my local library once a month as I love reading. I also watch TV in the evenings. I find however that wherever I go, say on a bus as I do not drive I feel alone or if I go out for a short walk as I cannot walk far, I am always alone. What hurts the most is to see couples my age together in shops, out and about and they can share companionship together. My husband and I used to do everything together - travel, shopping, eating out when he was well and now its all gone. The other day I was at a supermarket and tears started to well up as I could only see the food that he used to like.

We were married for almost 24 years bar 10 days and I was his carer. He was ill for a considerable time - had diabetes, operations i.e. anneurisms in the groin and in the main aorta, knee operations, couldn't walk much etc.

It is very lonely now - I have 3 children but two live away so I don't see them. I do go with my youngest daughter to do some shopping sometimes but she is very busy with her family and is in full time work. I need to find somethingi.e. to feel some contentment again within not just trying this or that and not really liking it.

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Dear Durbin,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's terrible isn't it?

There was something in your post that I found interesting. My husband, Dick, also had Bronchiectasis. He had a condition called Primary Ciliary Dyskenesia which resulted in Bronchiectasis. I think I can understand why you are not interested in Line Dancing. Some days, breathing is exercise enough isn't it? Are you on oxygen?

Dick died 4 years ago from complications following double lung transplants. I agree that life is very lonely. I imagine you are tired of people telling you it takes time, but in truth, it takes time.

We have to learn how to live a new life, one without our spouse. I am 64 years old, Dick and I had been married 39 years. We did everything together. It's hard to have to go on alone.

I would encourage you to continue to come to this website and read what everyone has to say. It does help to know that you are not alone. Share how you are feeling. It has helped me to know that I am not unique. These people listen and care!

Reading the posts of people who are farther along in this journey has given me hope and made me feel that I am not losing my mind.

God Bless,


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I think one of the hardest things is how lonely this journey is. If you had a friend to call to go WITH you to the library, out to lunch, etc. now and then, it wouldn't be as bad, would it? I live in the country so it's harder to find ways to meet people, but there has to be a way for us to connect with others more. Any ideas anyone?

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