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I Lost My Brother


Shevonne

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I lost my only sibling to lymphoma cancer in October 2001. He was only 43 years old. He left behind 2 sons. He was a single parent and the boys were 19 and 15 at the time of his death. While we were relieved to have him finally painfree, we were still recovering from his death when this July 2003 his oldest son was killed in a rollover car accident. I was so very close to him and am having a hard time understanding why both were taken from us. I have such a hole in my heart and don't ever think life will be the same.

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I am very sorry to hear about your losses and I wish I could say that it gets easier but it never really does. You will always feel an absence. The pain is not as severe or gut wrenching as time goes on. I lost my brother Nov. 21, 2001, the day before Thanksgiving. He was only 51, 3 weeks shy of his 52nd birthday. He had not been sick at all and died suddenly of a massive heart attack. It was a tremendous shock to our family and friends and it took me months to be able to function normally again. I eventually ended going through counseling, which helped me sort out my emotions. I could not focus on my relationship with my boyfriend at the time and all I could think about were the things that my brother and I would never be able to do again. I felt as though a part of me was missing. For the longest time I spoke about him as though he were still alive. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he had died. I still miss him and think about him much of the time.

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I'd like to recommend an informative and helpful book by Judy Tatelbaum, MSW entitled The Courage to Grieve: Creative Living, Recovery & Growth through Grief (Perennial, 1984, ISZN 0060911859).

Judy's brother David was killed at the age of 20 in an auto accident, when Judy herself was only 17. Her book is a poignant description of the profound effect this loss had upon her, and how it took her nearly fourteen years to face her grief fully and once again find meaning in her life. Today Judy is a respected psychotherapist, lecturer and educator who has dedicated her life to freeing people from the emotional suffering that accompanies grief.

There also are several Internet sites aimed specifically at those of us who have lost a sibling. You'll find many of them listed on the Site Map page of my Grief Healing Web site, under the DEATH OF A SIBLING category.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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  • 1 month later...
  • 7 months later...
Guest Michaelssister

Sorry to hear about your brother. I am some understanding. I lost my brother July 1999 and some days I still can't believe it. It will be 5 years in a couple of weeks. I guess that's why I have been looking for something about the lost of sibling. There is no explaining to anyone have them tell you by saying time heals all wounds because that is crap. Infinity is the only time to heal this pain. This I can tell you and advise to maybe ease those bad days. Remember, be reminded and cry when it happens.

I would be interested if anyone sisters out there that lost the only brother they had??

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Guest_michelle

Michaelssister-

I lost my only brother. we were only a year apart and now its just me. i knew him all my life, my big brother. there wasn't a time when he was not in my life. it is hard to have only yourself and your parents. losing a sibling is something different and i found that when it happened i had no one to talk to--no other siblings to understand how i felt. did you lose your only brother?

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  • 4 months later...

Everone I am so sorry to hear about your loss im only 13 and i lost my older brother chris last month he was 19 he died on octber 29 hes birthday was october 14 so now he is 20 i dont knwo how to go on living my brother was my best friend i have never felt a pain like this.. i need help sad.gif

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