In Remembrance Of My Dad

[Taxan]

I am 18 years old and my dad passed away on the 10th. I came to know on the 11th when I reached where he was. May he rest in peace. There are many emotions which cannot be described. The most prominent feeling I am having is the feeling that this is unreal and feel confounded. I cannot really say whether this qualifies to be called a poetry, but what ever came to me I just typed in and thought of sharing this. Some people may be able to Identify with this while others may not. I feel like I could have so many more things in the poem but this is all I wrote.

It seems unreal that I cannot meet my father any more,

It seems like a joke that I am not allowed tocall him once more,

Was it just a dream when I came to know?

My mother seemed so helpless and heartbroken,

I can recollect carrying his body to a temple,

I can remember him being covered in wood andoil,

Images of him burning are still fresh in mymind,

But what is this great doubt still present inmy soul.

A thought keeps me occupied,

This nightmare has dragged on too long,

Maybe I am about to wake up,

There were other tragedies I have faced in mydreams,

This time too I will bear with the sad feelingtill I have awoken,

So I hope my father hurries up now and makes merealize so too.

I have come back to my secluded dwelling,

Everything here seems unchanged,

Looking at my surroundings I feel that therereally is no change.

The last I remember having affirmed theexistence of his life with my own senses,

Was when I last visited him at the start of hisgreater fall,

I wasn't aware of his struggle and lived in mybubble of ignorant bliss,

Unaware of how the bubble was about to burst inmy face,

Catching my unawares.

Oh, how I have wronged my father,

How selfish I have been,

I wish I could have said more to him.

I could always feel the gap between us,

I had always known,

But I never knew that because,

I was just afraid what to say,

He would not come to know,

That I had loved him dearly too,

If not more but equally so.

So many thoughts not shared,

So many unknown experiences,

I cannot remember last when we had a heart toheart,

He remained a mystery to me and me to him.

He had ached for more closeness and attentionlike a son does from a mother,

But sacrificed his feelings just because hethought he gave me too much trouble.

I cannot define what that man was,

But I believe he was the closest to the word 'Angel'in my Life I could see.

The greatest man I had ever met,

Had remained a mystery to me.

Hiding behind the shadows in suffering,

Bearing with the most unbearable pain,

He used to quietly come to me in the middle ofthe cold night,

Just to kiss me gently on my forehead,

And to cover me with the blanket I tossed awayduring my sleep,

So that I would not have to face an ounce ofpain.