Miss Mia Did Not 'come Home' Last Week

[miakittymeow]

Hello All,

My beloved cat Mia did not come home last week. I have taken the normal steps - checked the humane society, scoured the neighbor hood with fliers, etc - but still no Mia.

It has been long enough now, where I am quite sure that she will not be coming home. The grief is nearly unbearable. She was only six and a half. I though she was going to be with me for a long time to come. Part of what makes it so difficult is that I did not get to say 'goodbye'.

While I have found it helpful to read many posts on this forum, I could really use the support of someone in a little more 'concentrated' manner than through posts. I welcome direct emails or Yahoo IM, if anyone would like to share their experience or have support to offer. If you wish to post a reply here, that is certainly welcome, too!

Thanks so much -

Miss Mia's Mom (Lori)

[Eliza]

Dear Lori,

I'm so very sorry to hear about Mia's disappearance. I have found this site to be very helpful, so I encourage you to keep coming here. But, I'm going to go ahead and direct you to another site that, I think, will be even more useful to you in this circumstance. It's at www.lightning-strike.com. It is a grief site that is exclusively for pet loss, and they have a special section for dealing with the grief that goes with losing animals this way.

I don't want to encourage false hope, but they may even be able to help you do more to find Mia. One week really isn't all that long. Some pets have be reunited with their people even after several months. At this point, I wouldn't give up. At least keep checking with your local animal shelters (they say to do this every day) to see if she turns up there.

Also, there are animal communicators out there who might be able to contact Mia and get information from her that will help you find where she is -- or even to determine whether she's still in her body. That last sentence may make you wonder about my sanity, but I do believe that this is possible, and I encourage you to look into it. You can check out www.hurricane.net for animal communicator Annette Betcher. Her website includes testimonials from people who have found their pets with help from Annette.

In any case, please keep reaching out for support and comfort from those of us who understand what you're going through. Losing our beloved furbabies is so extermely difficult, and to lose a pet without having the chance to say goodbye can be especially painful. We understand and we're here for you!

Hugs and best of luck,

Eliza

[MartyT]

Dear Lori,

Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers at this very difficult time.

Occasionally people will attend my Pet Grief Support Group, not because their pets have died, but rather because they're missing. These animals may have escaped from their home or yard, run off while traveling with their owners, been taken in by a stranger, or even outright stolen.

Whatever the circumstances, because of the uncertainty involved, this experience can be a most devastating kind of loss, in some ways even worse than a death. That's because you have no idea what happened to your cat, whether she is living or dead, suffering or at peace, homeless and wandering as a stray or living with somebody else.

The feelings associated with this sort of pet loss are the same as if your cat had died, such as sorrow, longing, denial, anger and guilt. But this grief is also complicated by your own need to keep hope alive, which constantly interrupts or delays the process and makes it far more difficult to resolve. It is like harboring a wound that cannot heal.

I'm not sure what if any steps you've already taken to recover your missing cat, but I can offer some suggestions. If you've already done any of this, please forgive me for telling you what you already know. It's just that putting a careful recovery plan in place could make a big difference, especially early on. The following information may be useful for others who may read this, too.

Recovery plans for a missing pet would include the following:

- Initiate a search. Begin to look in your own neighborhood. Try to think like your cat: check those favorite haunts; look under shrubs and cars.

- Rattle some treats in a bag or a dish as you call your cat's name. If you see anyone along the way, inform them of your search. If you need to search a larger area, use a bicycle. If you go by car, ask someone else to drive so you can focus on watching for and calling your cat.

- Contact Pets 911, telephone 1-888-PETS911 or on the Internet at www.1888PETS911.org

- Contact your local animal control office and describe your cat (type of animal, name, breed, color, size, distinguishing marks if any, and license number if your pet was wearing a collar and tags).

- Check with local animal shelters, and be willing to visit them to look for your cat in person, if that is required.

- Post "lost cat" signs (with large, readable print) throughout your neighborhood, on all four corners of major streets and intersections, in veterinary offices, pet stores and grooming centers; on community bulletin boards in schools, laundromats, grocery stores and libraries, and anyplace else you can think of. Include the following information:

Type of animal (i.e., cat)

Breed

Brief description (size, sex, color)

Your cat's name

Location where cat disappeared (nearest cross streets)

Phone number where someone can be reached at any time

Reward, without specifying the amount

Reproduction of your cat's photograph if available

- Place a notice in the Lost Pets section of your local newspaper's classified section, and check every day for notices in the Found Pets section.

- Alert your neighbors, mail and newspaper carriers. Take your cat's photograph with you and leave a copy of your "lost cat" flyer with them. Enlist the help of neighborhood children, and offer them a reward.

- Focus on other pets in the household, if there are any, since they too may be missing their animal companions.

- Determine what can be done to prevent such a loss of other animals in the future and take steps to make it happen.

- Find someone to talk to, someone with whom you can identify and express all the feelings and emotions associated with this kind of grief: suspense, frustration, pain, sorrow, anger and guilt.

- Stay in touch with a pet loss helpline, support group, chat room or message board (such as this one) on the Internet, which offer the care and support of others who understand and can empathize with this most difficult kind of loss.

- See also the Missing Pets page on my Grief Healing Web site.

I hope this information proves useful to you, Lori. Please don't underestimate how difficult this kind of loss can be. It is a different sort of grief, but it is grief nonetheless, and you ought not feel as if you have to endure it all alone. Please know that we're all thinking of you and wishing you all the best in your efforts to find your beloved Mia.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[miakittymeow]

Dear Marty and Eliza,

Thank you both so much for your support and additional ideas for finding Mia. I will not give up my search. And, Eliza, I had read your recommendation for contacting Annette Betcher on another post last night and sent her an email. I will be calling her tomorrow as soon as her office opens. Miss Mia and I are very close, so I hope that Annette will be able to help me!

My neices and I embarked on an extensive neighborhood calling today. Nothing turned up but I was certainly educated as to just how many places she could be.

I'll keep you posted on the search for Mia.

Thank you,

Lori

[miakittymeow]

Mia has not been found, yet. But the search is gaining momentum.

I spoke with a pet communicator today who described where Mia might be and the things she was seeing. After speaking with her, I think Mia may be just beyond where I have been searching. Several of the things that the communicator mentioned that Mia is seeing are a little beyond my current search: big trucks (the next building over from where I stopped distributing fliers is a big garage that houses 3 or 4 home heating oil trucks), a deck that is very high that she wants to get up on, but is too high and she can't get on it (the next house after the oil truck garage has an apartment house in back of it that I think has decks off of the second story), and gently sloping ground and houses with daylight basements (until the oil truck garage, the land is very flat, then after that garage, the land slopes gently for a while, and there is a whole neighborhood in that area where most houses have a daylight basement).

So I have not seen her, but I have several new places to check out.

I miss my girl dearly, but I have renewed hope. I only wish I knew last week all I know now about missing cats.

[Maylissa]

miakittymeow/Lori,

I'm so glad the communicator has been of some help. Don't give up!! At least you've now acted upon your new-found knowledge. I'm praying daily for you to be reunited with Mia. Is there anyone else you can enlist the aid of in searching for her? The more ears and eyes the better! Make sure you canvas that aptmnt. block, too, as maybe someone's seen her. But don't limit your search to what seems to fit that description, either, as there may be more than once place that also has the same 'scenery'. I've heard of other people making that mistake, or being SO close, like within 100ft. of the location, but not looking in just one adjacent area until later, where they then found their animal. Did the communicator tell Mia to do anything to help her find you as well? I know there are several of them who are known for tracking lost animals, so you might even consider trying another one as well if you can't find her soon....or checking back with the one you already used. We're all rooting for you and Mia ( I'm SURE! ), so keep up the good search! If we all pray hard, maybe we can help her get back to where she belongs!!

[Maylissa]

Lori,

I just Googled for lost and missing animal communicators, and this very useful site came up:

http://www.katberard.com/com_lost.htm I've added something since I first posted this to you this morning, so read on!

Also, be sure to read all articles on missing cats from this link from the above site (VERY useful, and it depends on whether Mia was an outdoor or indoor cat normally! ):

http://www.lostapet.org/missing_cat1.shtml This is Page 2 of the 2-page article on missing cats - check them both out, plus "How to Make a Lost Cat Sign" properly.

While she's not doing this herself at the moment, she lists a bunch of others who are, along with their email or websites. She also has a section on the whole process ( and what to expect, or not ) as well as some 'homing' exercises, etc. that you can also include on your own, to help them get back home. Carol Gurney is another one known for her work with lost animals, but I'm not sure if she or her assistants are speedy enough or not, as they must receive payment first. Just thought I should pass this on to you, as this particular site is a wealth of information about missing animals. Still thinking about you and Mia, still praying for you both!

[Eliza]

Lori,

I'm so glad to hear that the search for Miss Mia is gaining ground! I'm praying for you both to find each other! Please keep us informed because I know we're all thinking of you and keeping our fingers crossed!

Wishing you the best of luck!!

Eliza

[miakittymeow]

Update on Mia-

I've had a few responses to the ad and pic in the paper. But they are not her. I have responded to ads in the paper, but they are not her.

I have handed out a lot more flyers and talked to a lot of people, but the last possible sighting was last weekend.

I wish I had better news.

Please keep praying!

[Maylissa]

Lori,

Will do!! Did you get a chance to read over those websites I listed? I've printed them all out myself, for future reference, as the information and methods of searching are so new and effective. Did you notice that there were several instances mentioned of cats being found WEEKS later, after people employed that site's methods? Have you gotten a trap to set in your yard yet? or checked back with the communicator? ( since she may have moved even minutes after your first communication ) And are you using the 'homing meditation' method from the other site every day? (((((((((((((((((I'm still hoping and praying for you and Mia!!!)))))))))) Don't give up on her yet!!

[Eliza]

Dear Lori,

I know this must be very frustrating and upsetting, but I think you're definitely doing the right thing! At least it's good to know that people are responding to your flyers. There's certainly hope that the next sighting might be her! I would definitely try the methods on the website Maylissa suggested. They seem like they could be very helpful.

Keep the faith! I'm still praying for you and Mia to find each other, too!

Best of luck,

Eliza

[miakittymeow]

Dear Eliza, Maylissa, and Marty,

Thank you all so much for your support. Mia is still missing.

I have not been keeping this sight updated with all my latest efforts, but I have read the suggested websites suggested by Maylissa and Marty, and have been following the advice. (newspaper ad, telephone posters, fliers to houses and at haloween party, posters in stores, checking shelters and vets, callings while walking (and driving to hit neighborhoods too far to walk), contacted 2 animal communicators)

I miss Mia dearly, at times and it is really difficult to keep up the hope because it hurts so much to have to constantly remind myself that she is missing in order to keep searching. I love my girl and don't want to let her down. She is so small (7.5 lbs) and the weather is getting colder.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Lori

[Maylissa]

Dearest Lori,

I've been worrying about you and Mia all along. I'm so incredibly sorry you haven't been able to find each other yet. You must be exhausted, with all the hard work you're putting into it, all the anticipatory grief and worry......I've kept praying for you every day, and frankly, I'm quite angry that Mothergod isn't helping you out more!! With all you're doing, you definitely DESERVE to find your sweet girl!! I wish I could be there right beside you to physically help out in the search. Did you get anything of use from the second communicator? I, too, have been thinking about the weather. I didn't realize she was so small - almost as small as my own girl. Although, just so you don't have ot feel as badly about it, size isn't as indicative as their basic constitution when it comes to the ability to feel warm. There are plenty of small feral cats, too, who do just fine.

Your dedication and devotion to Mia is a most wonderful and loving thing and isn't something that will be overlooked, even should she not be recovered. But I'm still keeping in mind all those cats who weren't found for weeks and months. I feel your anxst and wish I could just wave my magic wand and have this all be happily resolved for you!! I know it must be so draining to keep up hope and keep searching, but at least you know in your heart you've been doing all that can reasonably be done to find your girl. You didn't give up, as so many do after an even shorter time, and that's to be highly commended. I will definitely keep up with the prayers and wish you the very best and highest luck possible!

Keep us updated as you're able. We're all with you in this! ( I assume that's a picture of your dear Mia ~ she's beautiful. )

Much love,

Maylissa

[Eliza]

Dear Lori,

Thank you so much for checking in, even though I know how hard it must be for you to have to report that your Miss Mia isn't back with you yet. I, too, have been thinking about you and worrying about you both and hoping and praying for a quick and happy reunion.

I am so proud of you for all of the wonderful effort you're putting in to find your sweet girl! (What a beautiful girl she is, too! She reminds me so much of my Tigger!) You are such a loving and devoted mama to her! But, I know it must be an emotionally exhausting time for you. My heart just breaks for what you're going through and I wish so much I could be there to help you, too.

I agree that, even if the unthinkable should happen and you don't find your girl, you will at least know that you did everything possible to find her. But, for now, I'm keeping the faith, and continuing to pray for you both. Please know that we're here for you and sending out positive vibes!! You're not alone!!

Love and (((HUGE HUGS!!)))

Eliza

[miakittymeow]

Dear Eliza and Maylissa,

Weekends are so hard! I really missed you guys this weekend when the site was down.

Miss Mia is still not home. I had a call last Thursday from a lady who saw her picture in the paper. We both knew it was a long-shot, because she lived 45 minutes away. But since we both had state highway crews repaving near our houses recently, it was possible that Mia hopped in a worker's vehicle, and rode to another area. That kitty looked so much like my Mia, but it was not her.

The other sightings have been for tabbies with white feet - not my little girl either.

But there was some good news last week. In the course of searching for Mia, I met another lady who lost a kitty recently. She was cat sitting for her aunt who was in the hospital. She was taking the cat to the vet when it escaped and ran away. Three weeks to the day, she got a call from some people who had been feeding the cat and thought that it looked like the cat on her posters. Sure enough it was. It would not come to her, but she was able to trap it and return it to her grateful, elderly aunt.

I'm still checking the shelter twice a week. But other than that I don't know what else to do besides sit tight and wait.

Thank you both for all of your support. It means a lot to me.

Love and HUGS back!

Lori

[Maylissa]

Dearest Lori,

Oh, my heart is breaking, too, with this sad news of no happy reunion yet! ( I, too, was anxious w/o the site working for over a week ) I have to ask...have you been putting out food at your home and did you ever get a trap yourself to place outside? ( if you remember, that was also what some people in our neighbourhood had to use to get their cat back in the house....she was hanging around, one or two houses away, but was too scared to make it all the way back home...until the lure of the food caught her attention )As for the shelter, do you know what their policy is for how long they keep a cat and whether that's dependant on whether the cat has visible I.D. or not? Are you going there to check or just phoning them? Sometimes the workers don't check as carefully as the guardian would as to description, depending on how busy they are. And have you tried that 'homing' exercise every day, from that one site? Is there only the one shelter around, or might there also be a separate rescue group in operation, too? ( some of them don't advertize as much as the bigger shelters ) Are you still calling the local vets, as well as ones a bit farther away, and checking the 'Found' ads in the papers? I SO wish, STILL, that I was there to help! I realize it's a part-time job doing all these things, but they're so necessary. Were it me, I'd be a total wreck by now. This must be so gut-wrenching for you! I'm still thinking about you and Mia every day and still praying for her safe return.

(((((((HUGS and HOPE back!!!)))))))))

Maylissa

[Guest Guest]

Dearest Lori,

I've been trying to check in on you every day, and am so glad that the site is back up. I'm so very sorry to hear that your search hasn't been successful yet. I think you are doing everything that can be expected of you. You obviously love your Mia girl tremendously, and it's a very good thing to keep hope in your heart, while trying to continue to lead as normal a life as possible. You never know what tomorrow may bring! I think you're right to keep checking the shelters and the newspapers. I'm glad to hear that people are responding to your ads and flyers. That's a very good sign!

And it is wonderful to hear that your friend's aunt got her kitty back after three weeks! I know that it can happen. One thing I thought about was that you were worried about the colder weather. But, I think that cats are very good at finding warm, dry places to stay out of the weather. That may inhibit the search in some ways, but it may help to know that she's probably not always uncomfortable, and it may help you think of places she might be hiding.

I feel like I'm not being very helpful, but please know that I'm thinking about you and Mia every day and that I'm still holding on to hope that you will find each other again before long!

Take good care of yourself!

Love,

Eliza

[miakittymeow]

Dear Eliza and Maylissa,

Thank you both for your help, suggestions, kind words and love. Today was actually one of the more promising days. Responses to the ads have slowed down quite a bit. But today I had calls of two possible sightings. They are quite close to each other, so they could very well have both been her. On Sunday I walked through the woods looking for her and calling to her in a line almost directly between today's two possible sightings! I hope my baby smells me and knows I am looking for her.

Yes, I have actually been visiting the shelter 2-3 times a week. They keep new cats in quarrantine at least 3 days before putting them out for adoption. Some of the kitties stay out for adoption for a week or more, so if someone brings her there, I will definitly find her.

There is also a small rescue, they don't get too many cats, so I feel confident that if she is there I will find her by phone. The people there are friendly and will describe all the cats that have come in (with only 3-4 cats a week, you can do that). Unlike the shelter that probably sees about 10 cats a day come in. The only other rescue I have found in the area is closed, so as far as I know, I'm checking the places I need to.

I have gotten a trap, but I'm a little reluctant to set it until I'm fairly sure Mia or similar kitty is actually in the area. I've seen two skunks in my yard at the same time. Also have seen some in my neighbor's yard. I really do not want to deal with a skunk in a trap. They are all around here. And my town currently does not have an animal control officer to help with a skunk dilemma.

I guess that pretty much gets you up to date.

Thanks for the support,

Lori

[Guest Guest_Eliza_*]

Dear Lori,

Thank you so much for the update. I was so glad to hear that you're feeling encouraged about Mia. I continue to think about and pray for both of you every day! You are such a great, loving mom to her! I'll keep sending positive energy your way in the hopes that every little bit may help!

Affectionately,

Eliza

[MartyT]

My dear Lori,

I’m sure that if you had found your beloved Mia by now, you would have let us know, but I want you to know that we’re still keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I have a special place in my heart for you, as I’ve learned from my own experience the agony of a pet gone missing – as I describe in this excerpt from my book, The Final Farewell:

One Christmas Eve [my beloved cockapoo, Muffin] went off hunting and was gone for four days. It was the saddest and most painful holiday I had ever known. I was inconsolable. How does one resolve that kind of grief? Was he dead? Was he hurt and lying in some cold, dark ditch somewhere? Had someone picked him up and stolen him? Would I ever find out what had happened to him? How could I go on with celebrations with family and friends when my heart was breaking? How could I leave the house even for a moment, knowing that he might come back home while I was gone? Shouldn’t we search for him one more time? How could I be so upset over a dog?

I also want to share with you (and all who read this) some interesting things I’ve learned from your situation, in hopes that you and others will benefit. (I must attribute much of the credit for my new-found learning to Maylissa, whose diligent Internet searching and informative posts led me to find some marvelous “missing pet” resources I would not have discovered otherwise, and I am so grateful to her for that. Thanks, Maylissa!!!)

As I explored the Web sites Maylissa recommended (which are now listed on the Missing Pets page of my own Grief Healing Web site), I decided to purchase Kat Albrecht’s book, The Lost Pet Chronicles: Adventures of a K-9 Cop Turned Pet Detective. I’ve just finished the book, and it’s a wonderful read! I also learned so many things I’d never heard anywhere before, and I want to share with you some information that made me think of you and Mia.

On pp. 238-239, Kat notes that “Sometimes it takes weeks, even months to find a missing cat. Physically, your cat is somewhere, and the majority of lost cats are found within a half mile, usually closer, of their territory. Although it is possible that someone has transported your cat a long distance from your home (either by mistake when the cat crawled in their van or because they are a cruel cat hater), you must act on the assumption that your cat is nearby and that you will recover it. If you lose hope or become discouraged by others who are trying to tell you to give up your search efforts, you will reduce your chances of recovering your cat.”

On page 236, Kat also points out that, based on her vast experience as a pet detective, “We do not know enough about lost-cat behavior to predict which cats will remain hidden and which cats will travel. To be on the safe side,” she suggests, “combine aggressively distributing flyers and setting baited humane traps.” She also suggests that you join a lost-cat discussion board that offers tips and emotional support, and that encourages you to remain diligent and persistent in your efforts to bring your displaced kitty home. The one she recommends is moderated by Pauline Phung, at http://p209.ezboard.com/bcatsinthebag.

Only you can determine how long you’re willing and able to keep hope alive, Lori, but I hope it brings you some comfort to know that your lost pet story certainly has educated me as a pet loss counselor, and I’m sure it has raised the awareness of many other animal lovers as well. I promise that as a tribute to you and Mia, I will continue to do all I can to spread the word about the vast resources available to those whose cherished animal companions have gone missing.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[miakittymeow]

Dear Marty,

Thank you so much for your support and helpful tips for finding my beautiful girl. You are right, I would have let everyone know if I had found her. In this case no news is definitely not good news. Tonight marks the 6 week mark of her being gone. I have not given up hope. But I do worry about her as the weather keeps getting colder. We had snow on Thanksgiving and over the weekend. I just want her to be OK.

Thanks again,

Lori

[miakittymeow]

Tonight marks 10 weeks that Mia has been gone. I miss her so... and I pray that she is not hurt, cold, hungry, or suffering. I was hoping that somehow she might find her way home for Christmas. She's my baby, and I will always love her.

[Guest Guest_Eliza_*]

Dearest Lori,

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that your Miss Mia has not found her way home. I was thinking of you and your darling girl over Christmas and hoping for a miracle for you both. I know how much this must hurt, not knowing where your baby girl is. I want to offer any kind of support and comfort that I can, although I know it can't be much. At least please know that I think of you both often and pray that you are both blessed with peace and comfort no matter where you are. (It is possible that Mia has found a warm and loving home, even though I'm sure she'd rather be with you!) I will continue to pray for a happy reunion. If that blessed day fails to arrive, may you be comforted by the thought that you did everything possible to find your Mia.

I don't know if it will help at all to know this, but Mia's story has encouraged me to install a cat enclosure fence in my yard to keep my Charlie and Sophie safe from such a worrisome fate. They may not appreciate it right now, but it has given me much needed peace of mind. Thank you and your Mia girl so much for that wonderful gift!

Please take good care of yourself. I wish you a much happier New Year!!

Much love,

Eliza

[Guest Guest_Maylissa_*]

Dear Lori,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your last, sorrowful post, and even sorrier that your sweet Mia hasn't been found yet. I've been so full of pain myself over this season that I just couldn't think about any more sorrow, much less offer any words of comfort or hope - just the way this grief goes at times, I guess. But, like Eliza, I've been thinking of you and Mia all through the holiday-time and my heart is breaking for you as well. I'd hoped as much as you did that you'd be given the best gift of all, in the return of your dear girl. And also like Eliza, I'm still hoping that at least she's been taken in by someone, though she may not be where she really belongs. This must be SO incredibly hard for you, and this is where words fail to express the empathy I feel for you, and her. This is how any parent feels when their child is missing and there aren't any sure answers that can take one out of the horrible limbo of not knowing what has happened.

But no matter what, I, too, offer you whatever support I can. Just know that there are other, loving hearts here who would take on your pain and exchange it for happiness and relief if only we could. My prayers are still with you and Mia, and that will always be so.

Much love,

Maylissa

[tattoodlb]

Hi,

I am wondering if you have any news yet? Are you putting food and water out incase she is around your house? Maybe you should put out some of her favorite toys/blankets or even something that you have worn so she can get your smell. Cats have an amazing sense of smell.

My thoughts are with you, there is always hope. Have you tried a trap incase she is too scared to come to you?