Shakita Posted October 24, 2005 Report Share Posted October 24, 2005 I am Shakita, a 25-year old single mother with 2 young children, son age 8 & daughter age 4, and younger brothers and sisters, ranging in ages 17-23. Our Mother passed away June 11, 2005 and I feel like ever since that day I watched her leave this world, I felt as if I left this world too. I am trying to deal with the terrible heartache that I have every day, because my world revolved around my Mother. My children thought of her as Grandma, but as their Mother too, because she was so good to them. She was the glue that held this family together, and now that glue is gone the pieces are slowing coming apart....She was kind to all she knew and reached out to all children, because she knew what it was like to not have her mom around, her Mother passed away when she was 12. Everyday I wake up and cry. I hurt so bad. I dont let my kids see me like this, and we talk about her a lot in such a positive way, not because she is gone, but because of how she was, and I would always tell people about my mother even before she passed, but I do ache every single day. I am crying as I write this. My Mother was one of the only people on this earth who understood me, I could always go to and she loved me for me. She taught me so many things I carry on in my day-to day life, yet its hurtful knowing she is not here anymore. I am happy she is not in the horrible pain she faced daily, because of all the surgeries and things that happened when she was younger, yet I miss the person who helped me become the person that I am today.I dont know how best to deal with this, simply because I dont want to see a counselor who knew nothing about her and cannot comfort me because they really dont know what I am going through. It also does not help that my stepdad started dating another woman about a month after my mom was gone, and just moved from the house where she raised us to be with this woman and where she lived for the past 21 years....I dont feel like I belong anywhere anymore......I dont feel like I belong to anyone anymore, I dont feel like the Shakita my mom raised emotionally anymore. I dont know where to turn. I have had thoughts of leaving this world myself, but I know there are people who need me, such as my kids and brothers and sisters, yet one of my sister continues to say hurtful things to me and treats me as if I am the stepkid in the family and as if I dont belong.....And to tell the truth, I know I belonged to my Mother, but where do I belong now? My dad is pretty much a non-story, my Mother's parents are deceased, and no one is there for me....I know I am the oldest of my mom's kids but when does this hurt end.....I will never be the same again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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