Loss Of Good Friend

[Birgit]

I lost a good friend last week to bone cancer. She had only found about it a month ago, although she was a survior of breast cancer last year. She had informed us that she was terminal. I am having a such a hard time with my grief. She was 60yrs young. Planning on retiring with her husband next Feb. She was such a kind-hearted person. Everyone was a friend. She was like a second mother to me, as my relationship with my mother is strained. We had a luncheon with other friends about 10 days ago. As always, she was stoic and upbeat, reminding us that she was terminal: thatshe was making her bucket list. And now just gone. She had a Pet scan. The doctor couldn't pinpoint the origin of the cancer. It showed that it was every where: ribs, femurs, spine, skull. I am extremely angry at her doctor for not paying close attention to her. She had been complaining for months about pain in her legs and unexplainable weight loss. She had said he didn't seem concerned about either. Told her the weight loss was good. That she just has arthritis. Given her history, he should have been concerned. She kept leaving messages to make an appt with his office, no one returned phone calls. She actually drove over an hour to his office to make an appt in person. I don't understand why she didn't go somewhere else. The quickness of which she had died is the heartbreaking part. I am just so sad.

[MartyT]

Birgit, dear, I am so very sorry for the loss of your cherished friend, and your story is a such a tragic one. I can only imagine how unjust and unfair this death must seem to you.

Your post reminds me of a blog with writings that you may find helpful and comforting. The author, Victoria Noe, believes there are profound differences in mourning the death of a friend, as opposed to that of a family member, and she writes regularly about that on her blog. She also is in the process of writing a book about this special kind of grief. See FriendGrief.