Memories

[Durbin]

It has been 5 months now since I lost my husband to lung cancer. He died in the hospital the next night after I called the ambulance the night before. I'm finding it difficult emotionally as I went out yesterday for a brief moment to the shop and the memory returned of where we used to sit in the cafe there. This has happened a lot recently - seeing where he used to park the car in a certain place. I hate going out because of all the memories it invokes and seeing couples our own age still together hand in hand. My partner was 84 years of age and he is now free from all the pain I know but I am hurt inside all the time - the heart is heavy and people can be so insensitive e.g. they say things like my husband and I are off on holiday and we are going to enjoy ourselves. I could kick them. I have had a lot of comments like this. I am 71 years of age and live on my own now and I certainly know what loneliness is - its terrible.

Yes I try to get about but wherever I go or whatever I do he is not with me any more as we used to do everything together - shop, travel, dine out etc. I am so depressed and families really do not understand what it is like. The only people who understand are the ones who have lost their loved one.

[kayc]

Durbin,

I'm sorry you have need to be here as all of us, it is the most terrible thing in the world to lose your beloved partner. There are other losses just as horrific, but this loss has so many secondary losses, it affects your everyday existence on every level.

Yes the loneliness it palatable. We adjust somewhat, but not entirely. It's just a new existence than we had before.

You are right, no one can understand unless they've been through it. We get it.

[Lina]

I am so sorry. I understand about being surrounded by memories...everywhere I turn I see echos of my husband. The loneliness is truly heart wrenching. I had no idea what this was like until I experienced. *hugs*

[Cosel]

Durbin,

You are not alone. I understand how much the memories hurt. It's been 17 months since my husband passed away and I remember going to the store by myself for the first time and seeing the couples walking together and shopping together. The sadness was unbearable and I was in tears watching them and asking why my partner had to leave

me alone. Driving in the car was even worse because he always did all the driving. I hated to go anywhere because the tears would flow as I was driving and remembering.

I think , maybe, it the was the loneliness I felt that would get me.

The shopping and driving are getting easier, but it still hurts. People tell me the pain will lessen but I am still waiting for that to happen. I agree with you that if someone has not been through this ordeal, they do not understand the pain and hurt you are feeling.

All of us here get it. We are there or have been there. We are thinking about you.

Cosel