Losing Arthur Is Like A Never Ending Panic Attack..

[Lina]

I suppose it sounds odd to compare losing ones spouse to a panic attack, but truly right now it feels similar. I feel like I can't breath, like I am being buried alive. One moment I want to hide in the closet and the next I want to run as far away as I can get. I have times when I want to just scream until no sound will come out anymore. The thought of never seeing Arthur again makes my skin feel like a million ants are crawling all over me or that my skin is too tight and I am being compressed.

I want to escape the knowledge that he is gone...that I am never going to get to hug him again, that I will never stroke his beautiful face or hear the beat of his heart. I realized that in a way grief is very selfish...while I know that others have been experiencing the loss of a lifemate since people first started falling in love...it feels as though I am the first to experience this...as though my experience is uniquely horrible. I have moments when I feel rage when others talk about how much they miss him and grieve for him....not at his mother...somehow she is the one other person that I feel can possibly grieve for him as much as I do.

Grief is horribly irrational.

[dave s]

Yes Lina grief is horribly irrational, and yes I still remember how in those early days it did seem like I was having a panic attack, especially when I would come home from work and force myself to walk into the house, I felt that my legs would buckle and I would have to run into the bathroom and throw up, the wide range of emotions of anger,sadness, and yes some happiness that his suffering was over, my emotions were so labile. Please remember 1 day, 1 minute at a time, a whole lot of deep breaths, a whole lot of work and patience....and time........ and my favorite phrase from this experience " gentle care" of yourself....at just over 1 yr I can honestly say.....it will improve......you are going to be ok.....but in the mean time....I get it! Hang in there!

[wmjsca]

Hi Lina,

I am truly sorry for your loss. I felt the same when I lost my fiance 18 months ago. I found that each day was a struggle. I am attaching a link which really helped me. They will send you a daily e-mail each day throughout your first year...which is the most difficult. I hope you find comfort in this resource. Love, Marietta

http://dailyemails.g...dailyemails/my/

[kayc]

Lina,

I had never heard it described as a panic attack, but yes, it's very much like that. I promise you it will get better, that the anxiety will subside substantially. Some people say the second year is worse but I'm almost wondering if they've forgotten what the early days were like...the discovery, the shock, being without them at first, that was the most horrible part to me. It's hard to function when you can't think, and how can you when your brain is in so much shock!

I wish I could say something to comfort you, I used to hate it when people said "it just takes time", yet I've found that to be true. I'm glad your MIL gets it, at least you have someone who understands...my George's mom had already passed, but my son seemed to get it, he was grieving himself.

[zeeks]

I believe the term "irrational" is an understatement! For I totally agree with youe analogy. It is as if life for the world goes on, yet you are stuck as if frozen in time. Feeling the "best" part of your life is gone with the wind so to speak. It has been 6 years for me, and although I have tried options to "get on with life" even for the sake of my girls, it is as if nothing I do changes the lonliness, the longing, the desire to have my "life" back. Roger was my life, my reason for being... Your statement hit home with me like nothing ever before...thank you.

[pkucera8]

Lina, my dear, my husband passed 3 months ago today. I am not sure how long it has been for you, but I truly understand how you are feeling. I had to put our picture away because it was just too hard to look at and know I wouldn't be able to talk with him and laugh about so many things especially our grandkids. I will say that only you know how you feel. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do. No one grieves the same way! You are in my thoughts.

[kayc]

pkucera8,

I can't count how many times I took George's picture down, put it back up, etc. I finally have left it up because I like looking at it and seeing him, but it took time for me to be able to see it without stabbing pain. I agree that one needs to grieve whatever way is best for them and that may change from time to time.

[missing him]

I have the exact feelings. I feel like I can't breath, my chest hurts, tingly sensations all over my back. I think what you are feeling is normal and it is how you are handling the loss of your Arthur. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to try and get through this horrible situation. People told me I would experience anger with my husband, I haven't (yet). I miss him too much to be angry with him because he is no longer here. Breath and take one day at a time.

[Lina]

I do feel angry sometimes...sometimes at him, most of the time at the universe. Most of the time I simply miss him horribly. I truly feel like half of my heart is gone. The missing is horrible.