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Miss Ngu

Grief And Peri-Menopause

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Hi, thanks everyone for your interesting posts I too googled grief and menopause and ended up here. I wrote today on what would've been my mum's 80th birthday. My mum passed away in November 2018 and with suffering with grief I didn't notice that my last period was February 2019 so by August I went to the doctors who did a blood test to confirm I was Peri Menopausel. On talking to a colleague last week I told her that I'd been suffering from grief so didn't think about my period, I was 47 so thought it'd be years off but she said it the menopause could've been brought on by the grieving of my mum. Why didn't my doctor tell me this? I look forward to your replies. 

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I have friends in their 60s and 70s still dealing with it.  Mine was over with within about a year, in my mid-50s.  Stress affects it like everything else, so it doesn't surprise me any that grief can trigger it.

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3 hours ago, Tea Tea said:

menopause could've been brought on by the grieving of my mum. Why didn't my doctor tell me this?

Sadly enough, not all doctors are informed, educated or experienced in grief as a specialty, and they don't know what they don't know.

Here is an updated version of the post that appeared earlier (May 29, 2012) in this thread:

Mother Loss: When Grief Is Mixed with Menopause

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About a year and a half ago, i lost one out of the three, most important persons in my life! My grandmother! She's wasn't just my grandma; she was basically my mother. She raised me from the day i was born, bcuz my mother was only 16, when she had me. My mom was out of control n just plain and simple, didn't want to be a mom and didn't want me period! She told me so herself, many times! Anyways, I was devastated, when my Gram passed and still am! Time doesn't heal anything, to me, time has only made it worse! I miss her more and more everyday! At the time that she passed, I was 40 going on 41 and literally the day of her wake, is the exact day, (i know for a fact) that i started early perimenopause. I woke up n my stomach, was extremely bloated! To the point i looked, about 7 months pregnant! Even my family members, who came to the wake, that i haven't seen in years! Came up to me and asked me, if i was pregnant. I didn't get my period, which i didn't think I would, bcuz i have never gotten that bloated, from pms ever! I chalked it up, to being extremely stressed out, sad, depressed n going through grief. I have never lost anyone that close to me before! So, I wasn't sure what ur body may physically go through, when ur grieving. Months passed and still no period! I was so caught up in my grief, that i honestly wasn't paying attention, to not getting my period. I'd say, about 4 months went by, before i suddenly realized i hadn't had it, in a long minute. So, then i thought i really was pregnant and took multiple pregnancy tests! All of them, came back negative! It never crossed my mind, not even once, that i could be starting perimenopause! Bcuz, I'm so young! A woman usually starts perimenopause, around the same time, their mother did. My mom didn't start it, till she was 51. Or,  it can be bcuz u got ur period, at a young age, which i did not. I got it 2 days before, my 14th birthday, which is average for a girl. Then, i started getting really scared! I wasn't pregnant and perimenopause, never crossed my mind! I honestly didn't know much about it, to know that i was showing every sign and symptom, of it...mood swings, hot and cold flashes, no sex drive, weight gain etc. Like i said, i started getting scared! I was thinking something was seriously wrong, with me, like cancer or polyps. Then the fact that i literally had, absolutely no sex drive! I didn't even want to be touched, by my fiancelet alone sex!  That alone started causing serious problems, in our relationship! He thought I was cheating on him and almost left me. That's when i finally thought, to seek medical help. I didn't want to lose my fiance! I love him with all my heart! He's one of the three, most important ppl in my life, that i mentioned earlier! My daughter being the first, my Gram, then him! Plus i needed him so much, at that time, bcuz of losing my Gram. So, I made the appointment, with a medical dr. They sent me, to the ob/gyn. And the ob/gyn ,did all kinds of tests and it came back, that I was definitely, starting perimenopause  and i was definitely, really early!  REALLY, REALLY EARLY!!! I know for a fact, that losing a loved one, who meant the world to u, can definitely, without a doubt in my mind, make u start early perimenopause! I just really hope the medical community, will do more research on this subject! So that more woman, don't have to go through the guessing game! The way I did!

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