My Husband

[pkucera8]

I lost my dear husband Chris on March 1, 2012. His original diagnosis of melanoma was in June 2010. He went through many surgeries to remove the mass on his back and lymph nodes, had a skin graph from his thigh to his back and had injections of interferon (which I understand is typically used for people with hepatitis C) which did no good for melanoma. For someone that was always healthy and did not seek medical attention for any reason, suddenly have to go through all of this was so hard. June of 2011 he started having problems with balance. We found out he had a brain tumor. He went through (I don’t remember how many treatments) radiation which did its job, but then February of 2012, we found out he had 6 plus new brain tumors. Chris lived 3 weeks and 1 day after that diagnosis. My best friend was gone. I really didn’t know how I was going to go on without him. Our lease on the condo was up the end of the same month. I lost my Father less than 6 months before my husband. I was caregiver to both, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. I had/have no job ( we lived on his disability) but I have no benefits until I turn 60. A few years from now. I packed up our lives and put everything in storage, moved in with my son and his family. I really have had no time to grieve because I live in a house with 6 other people so I have no time for myself. Memorial Day weekend, my Son, his family and I drove to Dallas (where Chris was born) so we could spread his ashes. I have learned a lot about myself since all of this began 2 years ago and I suppose that being caregiver to both father and husband has helped me see all of this differently than maybe I would have otherwise. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. That was really hard. I had to put the picture of us away for awhile, still too new I guess. We only had 29 years together, but I loved him dearly and we had a very good life together.

[mfh]

Dear pkucera8,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It appears from your post that you would both get your hopes up only to have them dashed against the rocks again. And to lose your home and privacy at a time like this just makes it all the more difficult. I am so sorry. It is a long road. My husband died 2 + years ago and the loss was gut wrenching and my grief continues but is easier to deal with now than it was for the first year or so. I truly did not think I would survive nor did I want to but others who told me it is better were right. My grief is very much present and always will be at some level and that is ok. The things I have learned in these two years are many and they are amazing. I know more lessons lie ahead and I know I am not the same person I was before Bill died. You came to the right place. You will find understanding people here who will listen and share. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

I am sorry for all of your losses, you have had so much to deal with in such a short time. I am very thankful you have your son to go to, but I know how difficult that must be as well. Have you considered looking for work to afford you some measure of independence? Maybe even as a live in caretaker, since that's something you've done. One of the hardest things for me has been getting used to this being alone all the time since George died, that's very hard. So many times I wish for the right thing to say to those here, but I realize there is nothing that will set their world straight again, the only one who can do that has died, but we are here for each other, to listen and to care. I am just so sorry you lost your love of your life. (((hugs)))

[pkucera8]

Dear mfh, thank you for the kind words. Yes, there were those moments when I thought everything was going to be ok, especially after the radiation, but that's not the way it went. Naturally I was devistated but Chris did not talk nor did he want to talk about what was going on with him. He told his broher at one point that he just needed to sort it all out in his mind and deal with it. I on the other had couldn't even look at him without sobbing. He dealt with his situation and his death with alot of grace and dignity. Not sure I could do that if it were me.

[pkucera8]

Hi Kayc,

yeah, you're right about alot at one time. I got to the point that I had to laugh because I thought no one would believe it. My best friend told me I should write a book..lol... Yes, I have a great support system. My son has always been my greatest supporter and continues to be. I do want to go back to work, but in the last 3 months I have been helping out with grandkids, to and from school etc. But I have always worked and enjoy it. I will probably go back to caregiving as the job market is still pretty bad. Ihave dealt with Hospice a few times and they have given me some great leads on organizations to follow up with. So, until we talk again....have a great day!

[Lina]

I am so sorry. What a horrible roller coaster you went through. *hugs*