My New "normal" Without Pete

[Wifflesnook]

Oh thank you Mary. As usual you just get the right words, I totally go along with the tsunami metaphor as it was just so sudden today. I am sad all the time obviously and I suppose I get used to that but then out of the blue came this sudden awful realisation and I knew that really I had been living in a sort of denial world even though it hadn't seemed so and the veil was stripped away and I saw the awful truth of pete's death too clearly. I will just have to be prepared for these tsunamis which will obviously keep on battering at me. Yes this group really helps me because I have read so many of your stories and know how much you loved your partners and how much like me you feel about their loss. And basically we all have to cope on our own but we walk alongside each other in our grief.

[mfh]

Jan, it is hard to prepare...perhaps now that you have experienced this, you can just know it happens and the big thing is that every time it happens you survive which makes the onslaught less intimidating but no less painful. I have survived many many of these and I know I will keep surviving them. This is what makes it difficult...really being confronted with the reality of the loss and starting to see that it is, indeed, forever...or in my belief system...until I join Bill somehow. yes, the group is a safe place with no judgment and a lot of understanding and compassion. Most out there in our lives just do not get it though I have been surprised at how many have surfaced. I know it is 10pm there and hope you sleep well. Peace, Mary

[ANC1117]

Jan C,

I can recall the first day I tried to "fit" into my life before Celene's passing. I woke up, I got in my truck, I drove to the job site, I met my father on site, I began to work, I took baby-steps and then... the supervisor I had met just days prior to Celene's passing showed up and shared his sympathies for my loss. I held back the tears, went into the room I was working in, alone, and cried. I found it hard to see what I was doing through the tears. I finished my tears long enough to finish my tasks and headed back home. I remember the uncontrolled tears that fell that night in the shower and as I laid in bed. 8 months later and I know I am not even close to the person I was before. I remember that supervisors praising me for being on that site. He told me that he had mentioned to my father that "I would not be back". In a way he is correct, I may be in my physical being, I also know this physical being is not the me with Celene. I wake up every day and experience new lessons learned as to who I am, knowing I am still not the me I will be.

I know it will take time and I accept the bad days with the good days. Being a part of this group helps me on those bad days. Reading the messages shared allows me to channel my feelings toward other's pain, along with learning ideas from others on how to possibly move forward. Prayers and wishes - Anthony

[ANC1117]

Thank you Anthony, Kayc, and Missing-Him.

So many lovely people here, helping each other get through

this pain... I appreciate the support so much, and send

my heart and hugs out to you all!

Liz

Liz,

You are welcome and hope that some of my life's new lessons will be helpful to others. I hope your trip to Colorado was pleasant and you received a lot of loving support. I will have to say that their came a time when I experienced "Family Overload" and found it comforting to just sit back in the recliner with Celene's Boys (our dogs) and watch some TV. Prayers - Anthony