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Loss Of A Parent

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My father passed away on June 8th. It has been so difficult for me... I am at a total loss as to what I need to do and how I can help my mother in grieving. Do I enlist in a grief support group? Do I seek counseling? This is the first close loss in my family and I feel at a total loss... Can anyone provide any direction?

Thank you


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Deb, dear, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I cannot imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. Not only are you dealing with your first close and significant loss, but this is the death of your father ~ so not only must you cope with your own grief, but you're also concerned about your mother, who now is mourning the death of her spouse.

You've asked for some direction, and in addition to the compassionate support I know you will experience from our members here, I think it helps for you to learn what is normal in grief, so you'll have a better understanding of your own reactions and what you can do to manage them.

I encourage you to explore the links you will find on these particular pages of my Grief Healing website:

Death of a Parent or Grandparent - See especially Helping Your Grieving Parent (Article by Helen Fitzgerald) and Helping Yourself Heal When a Parent Dies (Article by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.)

Helping Someone Who's Grieving

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Hi Deb

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad in January, he was 64 and my parents had been together since they were 15. It's so hard to grieve yourself and also worry about your mom. I found that getting counseling for myself to give me permission to think about my needs and getting counseling for my mom has helped immensely. She still calls or texts 20-30 times a day and I feel as though I have become her parent, but the counseling has given me the tools to do what is best for not only her, but myself as well. Losing my dad has been life changing and is so very painful, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your famliy. Beth

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Hi Deb, my dad passed away 7 months ago. He did everything around the house for my mother. She did not want even drive, although she had her license. She has had no choice but to pick up the pace of her life and is doing quite well now (goes to the gym and yoga everyday. She does have many friends which I'm sure has helped. My wife and I live 10 min away and visit her. She seems to be holding it together quite well but it was not like this until 4 months after my dad's death. For the first 6 weeks she could not even sleep by herself. Her aunt slept with her. My dad was 63, I am 35. I can't be a parent to my mother as I have 2 kids of my own. My aunt told me that she needs to become more independent and do things herself. At first, I thought that was kind of rude, but realised it's the best thing for her. Losing a father sucks but does get easier with time. It hasn't even been a month for you so take it day by day. I wish you all the best.

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  • 8 months later...

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