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Remembering Jack - "in The Moment"


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To all my new Web Site Friends,

On 10-2-04 my Partner of 27 years found out he had a brain tumor. His first operation went well – and after 10 days he was release from the hospital. Although it was a very bad Cancer we had hope. Following a fall on 10-22-04 - a few hours at the emergency room and a night at home he fell into a coma and nearly died on 10-23-04. Somehow he recovered – But a stroke had now left him blind. So for the next 10 months he endured brain cancer and total blindness. He spent 16 weeks (on two separate stays) from October 04 through March 05 in the hospital. He came home on 3-15-05 and remained in our home until his death on 7-31-05.

Jack was a remarkable individual. During his 10-month illness he continued to live his life (with cancer and total blindness) as he had lived life before he got sick – “In The Moment”. I would ask him many times during the course of his illness – “Are you happy”? – And he would always reply “yes”. Jack was a successful Businessman in Fountain Hill Arizona – a Hairdresser who was absolutely loved by his customers. His friend and family adored him - and I loved him as he loved me – unconditionally. I saw this “Prince of a Man” slowly lose his ability to walk – then stand – and eventually saw him bedridden – all within 10 months of perfect health. He also had periods of delusion and “thoughts” that he could see due to his Cortical Blindness I was beside my self watching him die by inches – but he approached death as he had life – Living “In The Moment”. I have never known any other individual so capable of living his entire life “In The Moment”. I am sure now that is why I was originally attracted to him 27 years ago and why I loved him so deeply. It made no difference to him whether he was perfectly healthy or seriously ill – he still lived his life one moment at a time – never in the past and never in the future. How many of us can make that statement? I am determined to live the remainder of my life in the same “In The Moment” manner as Jack – and thereby find some meaning in his death.

For me the loss of my life long Partner - so early in our lives - has been a crushing experience – we were just getting ready to enjoy an early semi-retirement when he was diagnosed with brain cancer – went blind – and then died. He may have lived only 56 years - but because he lived “In the Moment” every day of his live he lived completely for each of the days of his life. I am grateful for the time we had together AND I am determined to share with others Jacks secret of living well. We all need to live “In The Moment” - it is absolutely the key to happiness AND the way to find meaning in life.

Although I have been in continual grief since Jack’s death on 7-31-05 I am determined to memorialize my partner in various ways - and to pay tribute to Jack by living my life better and also “In The Moment”. I will be grieving Jack for a very long time – our love was deep and strong – so the grief will be as deep and as strong as that love. I expect it will last my lifetime in some respects – easier as time passes – but always there. My new relationship with Jack is evolving each day in my mind and in the memories I will be carrying with me as I work through this grieving process.

I am new to this Web Site – and I have only been in the grieving process since 7-31-05 – but in reality I have been slowly grieving the loss of Jack since he was diagnosed in October 2004. I have slowly been losing different parts of Jack long before his body left me on 7-31-05. Grief sometimes begins long before the physical body leaves us. I have read 18 different books on grief since Jack died. I have educated myself on this long and tedious process called grief and I am determined to have Jacks death produce in me a better person. I believe I am on the right road and I am doing it “One Moment At A Time”.

Al my best - to each of you - in your journey through grief.

John (Dusky is my handle on here)

Life Long Partner of Jack – Love you Baby

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My dear Dusky,

Your moving tribute to your beloved Jack touches my heart. You are indeed “on the right road,” and we are grateful that your grief journey has led you to this warm and caring place, where you are able to share with the rest of us what is so special about this beautiful person whom you so dearly love.

May your precious Jack rest in eternal peace, and may perpetual light shine upon him.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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