Losing Now In A Different Way...

[mik]

I recently lost my longtime partner to cancer. I have posted numerous times in that topic. I recently started a relationship with another individual. I ended it for varying reasons. It was a short relationship. I feel as though my grief is out of porportion to the amount of time and extent that our relationship flourished. I find myself unable to get him out of my mind..any help with this would be greatly appreciated?

[Brokency]

Sounds like maybe you loved him? Are you certain your reasons justified ending the relationship? Only you know this, but if you felt this strongly about this individual, then maybe it's worth working through some things.

[mik]

There were many complications...another women that he loved as well. Did not want to find myself even more hurt. I abruptly ended it to save myself further grief. It is not easy being the one that breaks the relationship off either. We always feel bad for the one who gets left behind..but it is just as bad to break up when you still care very deeply for someone but know it will not work in the long run...

[kayc]

Kimberly,

I'm sorry you're going through more loss. Whether or not we end it or the other person does, it's a loss all the same. When Jim broke off with me nearly two years ago...neither of us has chosen to date since. It's okay to take your time with loss, to feel the grief, to give yourself ample time to heal in your own way. Perhaps you weren't ready yet for another relationship, or perhaps it wasn't the right one for you, but you can still recognize that he was a good person that you feel a lot for and it's okay to feel a mixture of feelings. With time, you'll reconcile all of these feelings and perhaps can be friends. For now it might be good for both of you to take a breather from each other so you don't stir up feelings and give yourselves a chance to heal. It's hard, gosh, I can't tell you how much crying I did and sleep I lost. I still miss Jim, but I recognize that it's good to be friends rather than (for us) being married.

Try not to feel guilty...you made your decision for reasons that are valid so allow yourself that and know that it's good to listen to your inner voice when it speaks to you. (((hugs)))

Kay