Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Resenting Others 'problems' And Feeling Like A Witch With A Ca


Recommended Posts

I have some really wonderful online friends that I have been 'talking' with since we were all pregnant and had due dates in June of 2003. We have been friends for almost ten years I still love them all, but I am really struggling right now dealing with the normal ups and downs of their lives. I feel jealous when I hear that one of them is pregnant...it makes me think about how Arthur and I really wanted to have more kids together. I want to hurt someone when they complain about small annoyances with their spouses...and I honestly want to scream at one of them because she is upset about having to marry her beloved of seven years on someone else's time schedule....yes I know it sucks that she can't have the big wedding she wants, but her beloved is healthy, eager to marry her and is buying her a new house so she and her son can have somewhere safe and comfortable to live when they join him in Texas where they are moving due to job availability and a more affordable lifestyle. I want to tell her she is being ungrateful. I would give anything to have my beloved back and she is bitching that things are not going exactly as she dreamed. I know her feelings are valid, but I just don't have any patience. I hate feeling so mean spirited. There are times where I feel like Arthur took my compassion, empathy and patience with him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is so hard to have compassion, empathy and patience when you do feel those feelings are lost to you right now. It still is difficult for me to endure the litany of people who still have their "normal" life but seem to only find the negative.

The mean part of me wants to scream at them with all the obvious replies....you have no idea how lonely you will be when he/she is gone......you should be ashamed of yourself and be thankful for what you have...do you have any idea how much your complaining about what you have hurts me?

I have decided when I am in a group and the bitchin' starts, to pack up my stuff, make an excuse and remove myself from the group. I used to have a friend who behaved like the person you described, I privately had a chat with her and told how upsetting it was for me to listen to her unhappiness. We are no longer friends, she feels my grief is my "mental problem".

We do have to accept that life does go on all around us, pleasant and unpleasant. I believe I have the right to be upset at the insensitive comments of others, but I do not need to expect everyone on the planet to be sensitive to my grief.

It may be a good move on your part to just ignore the posts from this friend for a while. Remember that you are really vulnerable right now and need to be surrounded by positive calmness. Time and distance will help you, honestly.

Anne

P.S. You are no witch!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lina,

I so understand what your expressing here, when my new found love Brenda and I are out in public or just this weekend at the beach we notice couples who are very not in touch with the whole concept of being with the one you love...we notice the "take for granted" attitude many of these people express, we notice the bickering over the simplest things, we notice the texting while having dinner with little conversation with the spouse, and just yesterday we noticed a husband ridicule his wife for trying to assist him by helping him pack his electronic items so he would not forget any...we just look at each other and say "if only they knew" what it's like when your spouse is gone, at times we both share thoughts that we would like just 5 minutes with these people to let them know just how precious this time is and to not waste it over this non-sense...your no witch for feeling this way as I am grumpy when I encounter the same type of situation, Ruth and I never fought we had small differances in our ways of thinking but we always met half way, just as Brenda and I do, and with us maybe even more so because of our losses and what we've been thru...hang in there and if you feel some of that "compassion, empathy and patience" have left with Arthur ask him to send some back, you may think I'm off my rocker (not really in one, LOL) but it works, open your mind, heart and soul to accept any and all that can be taken in from your beloved memories and what you'll find if you ask and look....

NATS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While I know it's not good to compare, and it's important to give validation to other people's feelings, still, it might not hurt to merely mention that you would give anything to be experiencing life with your husband however it might come...no matter the wedding day, the house, having children, his smelly socks and all!

Sometimes people take life for granted and forget to appreciate what is theirs, forgetting it can all disappear in a nanosecond, and that just might jolt some reality back to her!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

kay beat me to it. I wouldn't scream :) but maybe lighting into people whining like this, albeit in a calm but firm way, is what they should get. Might give them some perspective. And really if they are there and know what you've been through, carrying on like that I consider grossly insensitive and if something like that happens to me, I might just light into them and none too sure about the calm part. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me preface this by saying, I have certainly felt the same as many of you on different occasions while listening to others gripe about their husbands. Then, I remembered I had done the same in the past. I married my Harv when I was 18 and he was 21. We were married 34 years on july 4th, 2011 when he crossed over. I loved him with all my heart and I still miss him with all my heart. Saying that, I know that there were times(many) that I bitched about things he did or said, not once thinking I may regret saying these things because I might one day wish for him to be here to do or say those very things I was griping about. I'm sure there were times he was not very happy with things I did or said also. So now when I hear women kvetching about their husbands, I wish he was here so I could continue to join in with my complaints as usual. I wish us all some measure of peace on this night. Love, Pam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All the same, people shouldn't bitch about their spouse to the widowed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wasn't talking about you, Pam! Besides, us widows/widowers can say anything to each other and get away with it, we've earned the right! :) Just saying, those who still get to sleep with their spouse next to them shouldn't be bellyachin' to those of us who don't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...