The Pain Is Unbearable

[Guest babylady]

instead of getting better, i'm getting worse. john passed on 5/27/12. it all started on 2/28/12 when he came home from work and had a seizure. i found out on 4/10 that he was terminal (glioblastoma). he has not been in this house since then. his ashes are in a marble urn on the living room shelf. the last few days have been really bad. i feel so alone -- can't stop crying. i just put on one of his shirts -- one that had not been washed, but i can't smell him.

i've lost 10 lbs. have no appetite. have to force myself to eat and then i feel nauseous.

we were together almost 42 years and i feel like i've lost part of myself. he was definitely my soul mate.

[Lina]

*big hugs* I am so sorry. I was telling my mom it is like having half of you amputated. Truly horrible.

[lizardo]

I am so sorry you're hurting, Babylady.... my husband died about a month before yours, so I understand how the pain feels just like a knife in the heart. I hate it

when I can't stop crying, too, as if I could just turn it off at will, pfffttt. We were married "only" 27 years, and a lot of that was not perfect, so my grief

is a little different than some (I am told that each person's grief is unique)..... I hope you feel these big strong hugs coming through from me, a total stranger

(and a totally strange one, at that!)

Liz

[missing him]

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I know exactly how you feel. This will be the most difficult thing we all have to go through. Try to remember that John would not want you to suffer so bad. He would truly want you to live life through him and his memories. I know it is easier said than done. I'm not doing good either and going on 3 months come August. It feels like a part of us has died with our loved one. Turn to people who comfort you.

Missing Him

[widower]

I'm very sorry, for all of you. Pls keep in mind a month or 3 is still early in the stages of dealing with this. Give yourself time.

[Anne E]

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain. I found that dealing with the loneliness was one of the hardest parts of losing my partner for 39 years. I kept and keep focusing on the thought that Dick did everything he could to stay alive. He worked very hard to try to recover. I know he did not want to leave me. Sometimes those thoughts helped, sometimes they did not.

Unfortunately, grief is a disgusting process and one that we just have to "endure". I found that leaning on a very good widowed friend was very helpful. She understands a bit of what I feel.

Time will help. We just have to give time a chance.

God Bless

Anne

[Queeniemary]

Babylady, I am so sorry for your pain. Also Missing him and Liz. You are all still pretty new to this agony. Anne is correct, time does help. I know people say that all the time, but it is true, at least for me. Mike has been gone for over 30 months now, and while I still feel the grief and loss, it is made somewhat easier by the passage of time. The loneliness is hard. I keep pretty busy, but at the end of the day, I am alone with my two dogs. I retired a year ago, and have been involved in community theater for many years. I still am involved in that, and the arts council. I love to design the programs and tickets, posters. I love to direct plays, as well as occasionally act in them. As I said, it keeps me busy, but nights are the worst. I have two close friends who are on this same journey, and that does help also.

Thinking of you all and hoping for peace for us all.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

It is true, loneliness is probably the hardest aspect and it took me years to get used to it. I know I should get out more, but between work, commuting, and chores, I am usually too tired to. While I miss having someone to cuddle with, I don't picture that in my life, I just don't feel like going there. It helps that my dog has the personality he does, he's great company and I enjoy living with him. I get by, which doesn't equate with "life before" but it's bearable.