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hello to all,

I am new on this side of hospice or most medical care. i work in a hospital and worked with hospice long ago but now I am on the other side of the fence. It is so very hard. Currently my boyfriend is in the hospital I work at. we are trying to gain control of his pain. The hardest part is not being able to fix this. I am pretty good at fixing things but I can't fix this. He is only 45. I know people much younger have suffered....but he's only 45.

People always ask, how are you doing? I really dislike that question? Most of the time I say fine...but that is a lie. Now I say "I say I'm fine but you know". I just really wish people wouldn't ask...it breaks my heart...and as I say, this is my hospital, so I know they truly care.

Thank you for hosting this site...it feels right to post here.

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Blessings to you, Teresa. I'm so sorry to learn about your boyfriend's serious illness. You've found your way to a very warm and caring place, and I know that you will feel less alone here, as you face whatever lies ahead on this very challenging path. We are here for you, holding you gently in our collective heart.

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Teresa,

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. I am glad you are surrounded by supportive caring people. My work environment was like that when my George passed away, I am definitely glad I was working there at that time instead or where I currently am, it helps a lot. People don't know what to say so they reach out with whatever words they can find..."How are you" seems to be the most often used phrase. I don't remember answering "fine" to those I thought cared, but neither did I want to get into how I really felt. Maybe a simple glimpse of the truth, like "it's hard..." or something to that effect if you don't want to say "fine" and wear a mask.

I'm sorry your BF is in so much pain. If you ever want to come here and unload, we're here.

(((hugs)))

Kay

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Thanks so much,you are kind. I hope I can be as supportive to others as you are soon but now I am just putting one foot in front of the other. I feel like many of you are marching with me and it feels good not to be alone.

Teresa

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This place was my salvation when I lost George, I don't know what I'd have done without it. You'll get through this.

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Hi Teresa,

I'm so sorry your boyfriend is in pain, 45 is young and I totally understand when you say the hardest part is not being to fix it, we just want to make it all okay.

I have recently joined here, thank you for your kind words to my post, oh yes...the asking how are you doing...I'm sure it is just natural for people to ask that straight away but it's tough, I don't want anyone to ask me that anymore! sometimes I say, oh I'm okay but inside I'm 1/2 dying.

Big hugs to you.

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Yes, when people ask, how are you it's like someone flipped a switch. I feel like howling and wailing in response...but I do my best to hold it in, tear up, face turns red, eyes get bloodshot and I say, ok, but you know. I think at this time i would rather hear statements. Like I am here for you. I am praying for you, remember to take care of you....I dont want to have to respond or the cry switch comes on. But I do want to know they are their.

Teresa

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A long time ago there was a thread about cliches people say that we wish they wouldn't, I wish I knew where it was so I could link it here.

The ones that got me were

You can't love George more than Jesus! (WTH???)

It just takes time (and it's true, I just didn't like hearing it)

If you ever need anything (then they disappear)

Call me any time you need to talk (then they're always busy/unavailable)

You shouldn't cry in front of others (what, we're just supposed to plan it?)

Aren't you over it yet? (Are you kidding me?)

You'll find someone else... (totally inappropriate)

Well at least you won't have to put up with {whatever negative trait} (I'd give anything to put up with it again!)

Honestly, I think people need to wake up and take some sensitivity courses!!!

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Oh wow, those are some great links, Marty, thanks!

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  • 10 months later...

And I've found many friends here...

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