Dealing With The Angry Feelings

[caitlynadams]

Sometimes I am so angry at my brother if he were I would just scream. Where are you? I feel so selfish admitting I want him here to help me pick up the pieces. When we were little and my parents would fight he was the one there, to stay with me. To listen to the yelling. To be there if the cops were being called. My parents do love each other very much but my whole life I feel like I have been waiting for the time where they break up. They have come close over the years. Again, this morning I get the phone call from my mom they are fighting again. I don't live near them so there isn't much to do. I listen. I tell her a million times not to upset herself and aggravate her high blood pressure but its just too much. Joe you are supposed to be here with me and I hate to have these angry feelings but this is just not how your life was supposed to be and it isn't fair! He handled everything, he talked to my dad and made him stop. He calmed down my mom. I don't have the compassion he does and Its just so hard. I know you're watching me and I just want to do what you would do. I hope I am.

[MartyT]

Caitlyn, my dear, I've just read through this and all your other posts since you came to us, and I want you to know that your voice is being heard. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved brother, and I don't blame you one bit for being angry about it. I have a sister who is a year older than I am, and the older I get the more I treasure her presence in my life. She's been there since my own beginning, and we share so many memories and experiences. She remembers from our childhood whatever I cannot recall, and I do the same for her. She's the only person on earth to whom I can complain about our parents and other relatives, knowing that she won't judge me (or them) for doing so. I simply cannot imagine life without her. I say this just to let you know that I understand to some extent what a significant loss this must be for you ~ and since you're relatively young, I imagine this was your first experience with the death of one so close and so important to you. I hope you know there are many online resources available to those whose sibling has died; you'll find links to many of them on our Death of a Sibling or Twin webpage, here: http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-sibling-or-twin.htm.

Trust me, Caitlyn, your frustration and anger at being left alone to deal with your parents without your brother is not selfish at all ~ it's a normal and completely understandable reaction to the circumstances in which you find yourself. You didn't ask for any of this, and it's just plain not fair. Please try not to judge yourself for this or any other feeling, and remember that feelings are neither right or wrong, good or bad ~ they just are. What matters is what we do with what we are feeling. As long as your feelings don't result in any harm to you or someone else, they are totally okay. Feelings are energy, and they demand expression so their energy can dissipate and go away. Writing them out is just one very helpful and harmless way to deal with them, and this is a very safe place where you can share your feelings without fear of judgment or reproach. Please feel free to continue doing just that. ♥

[MartyT]

I've just read a terrific post by my friend and colleague, Lou LaGrand, which I think may be helpful to you as well, Caitlyn. This is yet another way to dissipate some of that anger you're feeling. See The Need for Motion and Movement When Mourning.

[keyboardplayer]

I, too, have angry feelings about the loss of my sister, not necessarily mad at her, but just mad that it happened at all and mad at the stupid doctors who wouldn't accept her insurance anymore, so she couldn't get the correct seizure medication. I didn't know this for a while, but when I heard Mom tell that story I'd like to give that neurologist a good kick in a certain area that would make his voice go up three octaves. Sorry for the bluntness. I try not to think about it because I don't like to be angry, but when I do *grrrr*.