My Life Is Forever Changed

[jesse's girl]

On December 23, 2008 I was faced with the most horrific situation a parent could imagine. I received a call asking me to come to the hospital to identify 2 children that had been in an accident. I arrived at the hospital to find that my only son and my nephew had been beaten by an unknown individual. They were in such bad shape that they were unconscious and had to be put on life support. This was the day that I knew my life was changed forever. My sister and I spent the next 4 days at the side of our children as they fought to stay alive. Our gifts were the news that our children were going to spend Christmas with Jesus that year.Christmas will never be the same. My heart is forever broken and I still cant believe that they are gone.I carry their spirit with me everyday. I wake up every morning feeling sick because a part of me is missing. They were only 7 and 10 years old. Vivacious kids playing at a park.The shock is slowly wearing off and I'm now dealing with forgiveness and acceptance. I struggle to make it through the day and night.I cant even hold a relationship because my heart has been ripped from me. I feel like my life is upside down and I feel lost.Will I ever feel the same again? Will the pain ever go away?

[Guest babylady]

OMG. sending positive thoughts.

[jesse's girl]

Thank you.

[MartyT]

My dear friend, as I read your tragic story, I am sickened to the depth of my soul, and my heart just aches for you. I am so very, very sorry . . . There simply are no words . . .

You said, "The shock is slowly wearing off and I'm now dealing with forgiveness and acceptance," but I'm not sure what that means. Can you tell us more about that?

I don't know what, if any, bereavement support you've found since this horrific tragedy happened to you and the rest of your family, but I certainly hope you're not struggling with all of this alone. What you've experienced is a very traumatic loss, and specialists who work with trauma survivors tell us that effective grief work cannot begin until the trauma is dealt with first. If you’re still experiencing anxiety, sleeplessness, intrusive images and nightmares, I want to encourage you to seek the help of a trauma specialist – a therapist who understands that trauma work must be done before you can begin the grief work that lies before you, as you come to terms with these horrible deaths of your son and your nephew. Go to the Traumatic Loss page on my GriefHealing website for a list of suggested resources.

If I may, I'd also like to point you to some resources that you may find helpful:

• Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death
  
  
• Grief Due to Complicated Death (Accident, Murder or Suicide)
  
  
• Mother Struggles to "Accept" the Death of Her Son
  
  
• Parents of Murdered Children

[Cooper's Dad]

Hi Friend, I too lost my little boy. Cooper was 8 1/2 and died in an accident on April 13th, 2010. I lived it all over again as I read your post. You are not alone and in your own time, if you keep moving and don't stop moving forward, you will get through it. We will never forget our sweet children and one day we will look back on the memories and pictures and videos and smile rather than cry. Continue to be gentle with yourself and lean on those that love and care about you. I will try to post Cooper's picture here if I can.

[Trishia]

My heart can only understand part of your pain. I can't begin to understand how it would feel to lose a child in such a horrific way and for him to be an only child.

I too have lost a child. My youngest son died in a tragic car accident. He was 18 at the time and a passenger of a car. They were doing everything right, his friend just made a driver error and lost control going into the path of a SUV and they both died instantly. For me a great sadness is that I was unable to see my son again until he was at the funeral home. He was not taken to the hospital but to the morgue, my heart is sad that I didn't get to see him at the time of the accident to say my goodbye and to hold him.

I understand the feeling of your heart being forever broken, for me I feel there is nothing that will fill the hole that is left in my heart. Through much counselling with a trauma/grief counsellor I am learning to walk through this emptiness instead of trying to run, that is difficult. I am learning to carry the memory of my son Jonathan with me in this new life that has been thrown at me. I have held onto the hope of my counsellor for the times that I did not feel hope. This sounds a little easy in words but as you know this journey is a difficult one.

I find that strength comes even if I don't want it. I have learned to notice the "magic moments" as I call them, moments like a bird bathing in a puddle, the sunset or the sound of running water in the outdoors.

It helps me to talk to people who understand. I am new to this forum and new to chatting with people who understand, I hope that this experience will be helpful to me and I wish the same for you.

from someone who walks a journey similar to yours

[Trishia]

I wasn't able to delete a post I mistakenly put here. If you would like to see my journey, please go to a journey in a new culture. Although I agree with the title here I do not want to take away from the original post with my own story.

[Sweetwater]

I can't begin to imagine the loss of a child... no one should ever live to face this... my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I can only pray and hope that he is your Angel, forever looking over you. I'm dealing with the loss of My Mom, and it's devastating, .. but yours..... there are no words.

I hope you find some positive affirmations... I am reading a book that has really helped, "My Gift of Light" by Sandie Wiltshire, (A Bereaved Mother's Loving Pilgrimage from Skeptic to Psychic Medium).. it has helped.

Prayers.

[kayc]

I am so sorry, I can't imagine the loss of a child, my husband was bad enough. We feel we're entitled to live so many years but the truth is, that's not a given. I am very sorry for the horrific way they lost their lives, so horrible. I hope you will see a grief counselor, someone who can help you through this. No matter how many years go by, it's still there, we need help dealing with it.