Had To Let Our Beloved Boxer Go To Sleep

[kaanen]

On Weds night we had to make the decision to let our beloved 6 year old Boxer go, he was in such an awful, awful way and had a brain tumor.

At the ER he was so bad, he could not stop pacing around and around and his eyes were so red and 1/2 open, I grilled and grilled the vet but I knew we had to let him go, it was actually torture to see him that way, my daughter came to the ER to say goodbye and my husband and I held him when he went to sleep and I told him mommy loves him so much and he was going to go to sleep now. I feel in a kind of shock, I keep seeing him lying there but I wanted to be with him, for him.

I go between feeling some kind of peace that he's not suffering anymore and then I feel guilty.

Every so often in the ER he would stand facing the corner and just stand there with his head down, I keep seeing him do that, it's breaking my heart. I go between crying so much for him and feeling peace that he is at peace.

I absolutely know we did the right thing but it hurts sooo much, the ER vet who was so kind said there was nothing we could do and he was very. very sick, we could have put him on steriods for maybe a month but it wasn't going to save him just prolong everything so I wasn't going to do that to him

For about 5 weeks he had been so lethargic he didn't want to move and could hardly keep his eyes open, I had noticed a few things going on quite a while before that, head tilting, staring in to space and he would suddenly get aggressive, he was just not himself no wagging of his tail when he saw us, not happy about anything, one vet suspected a tumor but I frantically researched to see if it could be something else, found a specialist in CA and sent Raleigh's blood samples to them, verdict was he was Hypothyroid and most of his symptoms coincide with that illness, for 2 days we were so happy it was that but once on the Thyroid meds Raleigh could not stop pacing and pacing, he would get lost in corners and knock things over, his eyes had been so red but no vet knew what that was from...and he was having accidents in the house, I contacted the vets in CA early Tuesday morning as I was so concerned, was the meds too high and is this what's causing all his symptoms???? they suggested to half his meds but also noted that from his blood work there was a "significant other illness, non thyroidal" that Raleigh had so I fell apart, even though it was only a few days I honestly thought all the problem he had was his thyorid, that next day he paced and paced, he cried and would bang his head in to the wall so when I saw that we rushed him to the ER where the vet said it was definitely all from a brain tumor, I would do anything for him, I wanted to save him but I just couldn't, he had 2 illnesses going on and they masked each other.

We feel the Thyorid meds actually got him up on his feet and that's when we could really see what was going on.

In some strange way when I think about it I feel i was meant to find the specialists in CA, was meant to put him on thyroid meds, because otherwise he would be still lying down asleep all the time and it would have taken so much longer to see what was really going on, he would have suffered for months longer so I try to think he did not suffer as much as he probably was going to. I believe somehow we were meant to see what was truly going on.

It hurts so badly, he was my baby boy and so precious, only 6 so that's in my mind too.All I want to do and am doing is sit in front of the TV..which I hardly ever do...because when the TV is on now and there's noise I don't have to think.

Thank you for listening and I know you unbderstand.

I love you so much my baby boy xxxx

[MartyT]

Oh my dear friend, I am so, so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved Raleigh. You tried so very hard to save him, and I know your heart is broken into a million pieces right now. Of course you did everything you possibly could, trading his pain for your own and loving him all the way to his heavenly home. He is at peace now, and you are the one left with a broken heart. Please know that yes, we do indeed understand. You are with kindred spirits here, we are listening, and we share in your pain. ♥

[CJ Anderson]

Hi and golly I am sorry.

You know thyroid is a problem I always check for, it is such an easy fix and it does so much! I know his age is a factor too, how could a dog so young be affected that way but the ugly truth us cancer or disease can affect them an any time and isnt it amazing how much they endure for their love for us? Gosh the greatest gift Hospece of the Valley has given me is the ability to see someone (two for four legged) off to the rainbow bridge. Mon, then dad and 7 dogs so far - everything I HATE being left behind. PLease please separate out the grief from the guilt. How lucky he was to have you work with the vets for solutions. What if he was one of the homeless ones?

Sometimes we only have they a few hours before we see their suffering and that is all we can do, but for those few hours they are loved and cared for. Aside form the great stress of going through something like that, anither great gift Hospice of the Valley gave me was the understanding of all the firsts that we have to go through (I still dont celebrate Christmas anymore - Mom and one of the labs went then), so let youself rest and grieve as long as you need to you are not alone here in this group! Hugs

[kaanen]

Thank you both so much, I know you understand.

The house is so empty, I feel panicky at night, last night I laid on the sofa where Raleigh used to lie and just wanted him to be there. My heart hurts so much. In bed I kept thinking of him lying at the side of us and when I wake up and he's just not here is awful. To come home and he's not here.

I would always say to him.."Come on and see mommys flowers with her.." and for the last few days he would walk out there with me, I don't want to see those flowers anymore it just hurts. For the last month all Raleigh would eat was ground turkey so I would boil it all up for him but I also noticed he was having a difficult time swallowing at times, I was breaking down at those times because even though we had him on thyroid meds I knew in my heart it was also a brain tumor.

I do feel guilt sometimes, guilt because he suffered and I could not stop it, it's almost a crazy feeling as on the other hand I absolutely know we did everything humanly possible, my thoughts are all over the place, I guess it kills me to know he suffered.

When Raleigh was 3 months old we adopted him from his first owner who did not want him, he had tried to give him back to the breeder who would not take Raleigh back, I know he was meant to come to us. Who knows what would have happened to him.

He was such a handsome boy, very large for a Boxer at 100 pounds, not overweight but as the vet would say...he's just a big boy and so handsome, he would actually stop traffic he was so handsome and on every walk someone, either walking or in a car, would stop to say how gorgeous he was, he was a great boy.

[GordosMom]

Dear Kaanen,

Thank you for the coments you left on my post about my dog Gordo. I definately know how you are feeling right now. I also put the tv on to try to get my mind off of what happened. My husband works overseas so my dogs are who I spend my time with and who I talk to. I have three more dogs but things just dont feel the same anymore. i find it the hardest to come home because he always greeted me with a high pitch cry while my other dogs barked every time I got home and I will never hear that anymore. Try and surround yourself with family and friends. So far thats the only thing that has made feel a little bit better. When my mom and sister go back home, Im left feeling alone in this home and thinking about Gordo not being here. Hang in there and Im so sorry for your loss. Raleigh was a great dog and he knows how much you and your family love him.

[kayc]

Kaanen,

I'm sorry you lost your beloved boy, I know it hurts like the dickens and you are missing him. I've been through similar and I know how hard it is, but at least you know you did the right thing by him. Nothing can ever take your memories away. Do you have a picture of him you could share with us?

[kaanen]

Thank you GordosMom and Kayc,

I would love to put up a picture of Raleigh when I can, it's just so hard to look at them right now.

Yes, it hurts sooooo much, my heart literally hurts for him, I am keeping busy but cried in the car on the way home.

GordosMom, I'm sorry your husband is overseas right now, I was the same way, I spent so much time with Raleigh, he was my baby and he answered to baby more than his name! He was my hiking/walking buddy, he used to be able to hike for miles and miles and we'd stop for snacks, he'd have his scooby snacks and we'd just sit up on a hill and look at the beautiful mountains.

The one thing we are so grateful for is the absolutely wonderful vet and staff at the ER, they truly cared about Raleigh and never rushed us at anytime. Today we received a beautiful card from our local vet.

Thank you for listening and caring xx will post a picture as soon as I can.

[GordosMom]

Kaanen, Thank you for checking on my post to see how I was doing. I am doing a little better but its still hard for me to be home. Everything reminds me that he is not here anymore. I have been reading articles that others on here have sent my way and they have helped. It is nice to know that there are people out there who care what someone else may be going through. Please post a picture of Raleigh when you feel up to it. Best wishes and hugs for you and your family.

[MartyT]

Kaanen, dear, I don't know if you're interested, but there is an adorable children's book about a family who lost their beloved boxer, entitled Snort's Special Gift. You can read more about it here: Using Children's Books to Help with Grief. ♥

[Hay0413]

Hello,

We put our Boxer/American Bulldog mix, Beechums, to sleep this week and I just wanted to say I am feeling the same as you.

She was battling Mast Cell cancer and we were doing what we could to fight it. After a shot of steroids at the Oncologist appt this week into her Mast Cell tumor cause it to degranulize she went into shock and almost died. They were able to bring her back but knowing that her tumors could degranulize again and send her into shock when she was at home alone we opted for euthanasia that morning.

I am struggling with greif and mostly guilt like you. I keep looking for her, I woke up this morning and was thinking about how I needed to wear a jacket for our morning walk before I remembered she was gone. Beechums was still walking and having moments of joy, she was still mostly herself. I feel like putitng her on meds and taking her to vet appt that caused the shock was all my fault... and that I chose too soon end her life, that I should have given her more time in Hospice care and brought her back when she had less zest left.

You need to know you 100% did the right thing at the right time, no one who reads your story would say otherwise. The choice you made was the right thing to do for a friend who was suffering. You obviously loved him and gave him all you could, you obviously made him a very happy dog. I know what I say will not change how you feel, how that guilt feels so impossible to let go of, just want you to know that I and many others agree you did the right thing.

I hope you have a few moments of peace today. I feel for you and know you are missing your friend and baby as much as I am missing mine.

[kayc]

Here it is on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Snorts-Special-Gift-Sunne-Books/dp/1592984231/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348852503&sr=8-1&keywords=Snort%27s+special+gift

The cover reminds me of the painting Mary did.