My Daddy I Miss Him.

[Dcolb]

Oct 11 will be 5 years since I lost my Dad. He had back surgery and lived for 14 months. It was a living nightmare. I was the closet to him. It has ruined my life. I love and miss his so much. I don't know how to get over this pain. There's not a pill that will take it away not any amount of therapy will ease the pain. He was murdered in my eyes by people we trusted. I hate myself for not doing more. I live in pain every day. Can someone please tell me when this pain will ease. Please.

[Miss Ngu]

Hi Dcolb - I can feel your pain in your writing -- and in your poem. My mom died May 12, 2011, and my brother died February 27, 2008, and the pain in my heart is still so raw and so deep, especially for the loss of my mother, who was my very best friend. You have been through so much heartache, and for a longer time than I have, so, unfortunately, I don't have any advice to share with you. Just please know, that you are in my heart and in my thoughts.

[Dcolb]

Thank you so much. You also are in my thoughts.

[SomeoneRandom]

Hello, Dcolb. I'm very sorry you lost your dad.

This is my 5th year after my dad's passing as well. Your story is similar so I can really relate. I can't give you any advice, I'm afraid, except to try to remember all the happy times you shared, all the best things about your dad and try to live as he would want you to.

I know the feeling of betrayal at the hands of medical professionals, but try to remember that they can't account for everything. It's perfectly healthy to blame them, I did, but don't rule out forgiveness as the anger can consume, I experienced it.

I'm not sure when the pain will heal, everyone's time is different, just know we are all here for you.

[hockeymom]

Five years has been a year of melancholy for me in many ways. I don't know what it is about the anniversary of five but I have found myself thinking about my grandmother a lot this year, needing her more than I have years past. I don't think the feeling of being bereft ever really leaves you but we simply find a new way to move forward as a different us. I can't imagine the grief over having lost a parent. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad and hope that you are finding comfort in the happy memories that you shared together.

[Dcolb]

Thank you for your kind words. I had family visit this week and it really helped.Considering all my has disowned me but some of my cousins and my Dad's sister. I don't know what it is about the five year anniversary either. I hate dates. I hare his death date, his birthday, surgery day, funeral dates. I'm sorry for your pain also.

[Dcolb]

hockeymom,

I'm also sorry for your pain. I think it helps me to share and read others story. I know I'm not alone.