One In A Million Dogs...

[denisesdoggys]

Hi....my name is Denise and I've recently lost (5 weeks yesterday) one of my dogs. (I own 4 others). His name was Isaac, he was a German Shorthaired Pointer. He was 12 years 2 months old. We had to make the gut wrenching decision to put him down because he had bladder cancer AND a cancerous tumor around his pancreas. We had a tumor removed from his bladder once already, only 3 1/2 weeks prior, that was preventing him from urinating. There were no other tumors detected at the time of surgery. He had barely recovered from that, when they did 2 cat scans, 8 days apart, to try and see why he wouldn't eat. That's when they discovered the tumor around the pancreas and several more tumors had already regrown in his bladder. There wasn't anything they could do, no operations...no chemo's....nothing. He was already on pain meds and they said it was an extremely fast and aggressive cancer, they even thought it was 2 different types of it...which they said was rare. And they said he wouldn't go very long...so...he's gone. And I'm having ALOT of trouble with his absence and guilt of having it done...I keep thinking, "what if I'd waited a little longer..." I cry alot...mostly at night and bed time, but not always. Sometimes it's on the way home from work...I am 54 years old and have had many, many animals. Some, I've raised and bred myself. So, the point being I have also lost many pets...including several horses. Why I can't get ahold of this one, and just straighten out, I don't know. I even looked into counseling, but my insurance will not cover it, and at $150 an hour, I can not afford to pay out of pocket for it. My other dogs mean the world to me too, one, my rescue dog, is 11 and has skin cancer, and he's had 2 operations over 15 months to remove tumors from his skin, so far he's done very well with the spots being removed, yes, they reoccur, but they so far are staying on his skin and not going internal. and my other 3 are pugs...all related...grammy dog is "Petey" age 12+, who I adopted when her owner, my best friend, died suddenly and unexpectedly at age 43 from an anurism and stroke, "Pippin", age 7 1/2...who is petey's daughter and "Ben" age 5, who is Pippin's son. So, there it is in a nutshell. I give Isaac (his ashes) a hug and a kiss every night before bed, and tell him I'm so sorry we couldn't stop the horrible disease he had. It happened so fast, 3 1/2 weeks all told, and I'm having such a hard time dealing with him being gone. He used to "sing" at me, and was such a wonderfully kind and bouncey dog...I want him to come back so bad...he didn't deserve what he had...

[kayc]

There is elsewhere on this site in one of the other threads a link about guilt, Marty posted it in response to someone's loss of their dog. We make the best decisions we can for our dogs and then second guess ourselves, when really, we've already done what was best for them. To me, once they start having pain and diminished quality of life, it is the kindest thing we can do to release them from their suffering rather than selfishly hanging onto them with no regard for what they're going through...you did the right thing even though it was very hard for YOU.

My heart goes out to you in the loss of your dog, I know of nothing harder.

I hope you will continue to come back, and look for the link to the Rainbow Bridge, in some of the threads on loss of pets section.

There should be some others along tomorrow or this weekend.

(((hugs)))

Kay

[CJ Anderson]

Hi, I am soooo sorry for your loss. I know what you mean, I jost Boo Bear in July and I just dont have the heart for my others right now.

But I have to say how LUCKY he was to have you as a mom! It is so hard to see them slip away but it is just as hard when they go suddenly. Please please dont feel quilty! Who knows what would have happened if you had not done the things you did! You have the advise of an expert - the vet who also did the hest they could! Do you know in this county of the 95,000 animals who pass through animal control about half, never get the chance, the nuturing and care that you dear darling did?

I am not a counselpr, but I bet there are other things you are grieving. One thing you may consider is Hospice of the Valley's Breievement group, they are so wonderful. Also Arizona Himan has a brielvement group and I know there are others too!

Would any of those be an option for you?

We are here for you to whenever you want to talk!

Hugs

CJ

[Note: Members who don't live in the Valley or the greater Phoenix metropolitan area will find some alternatives listed here:

Helplines, Message Boards, Chats

Pet Loss Counseling ]

Edited September 28, 2012 by MartyT
Links to alternate resources added

[Hay0413]

Hi Denise,

We put had to put our beloved dog to rest this week. I know the pain you are feeling. For me it seems to come in waves, one minute I feel ok and know what we did was for the best but then I am suddenly struck with the reality that she is really gone and I will not see her again and it seems overwhelming, crushing at moments.

It sounds as though you did all you could and were the best possible friend and owner.

I know from experience our grief will lessen as time goes by, we will always miss our wonderful, special pets, but we will be able to think of them with a smile rather than tears. I hope for both of us we find some peace soon. I truly now how you feel and am sorry to hear of your pain, I wish there was something we could do to take away some of the physical hurt. Talking and writing does help, but nothing seems to make that gnawing, sick physical feeling get better but time.

I will think healing thoughts for you and I today.

[denisesdoggys]

Hi CJ, thanks for talking to me, I don't live in your area at all, I'm actually in Maine,so the counselors near you are out. I've checked a few sites on the computer, but what I'd really like is to get into a chat with someone, but I'm not that good on a computer, and can't seem to find or get into a grief chat with anyone! Do you have a chat room you go to that you can tell me about? And I do give my other 4 dogs ALOT of hugs and kisses and attention anyways, and in fact we're due to go to an annual pug rescue gathering on the 7th next week, in Mass. that we attend every year...and I'm making one of my girls and exquisite costume for it...hope to win 1st place!, so I am still involved with the other dogs....but still, there is a lingering horrible feeling, in the pit of my stomach that even though I know there was no other choice, that I did him wrong by going ahead with it. I do know there are millions of pets that go unwanted and go to their deaths, not knowing what a loving home is...3 of my animals are rescues, including one of my horses, and THAT makes me feel horrible 24/7...that I can't save more...just want my Isaac back...the loss is overbearing...any free moments I have all goes to thoughts of him and the sadness is awful...doesn't seem to be lessening at all. Denise

[MartyT]

Denise, my dear, you'll find links to several Internet chats for pet loss on this page; just click here: Helplines, Message Boards, Chats