mfh Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 I found this piece by Maureen Hunter today and think the questions she suggests we ask ourselves can be very helpful no matter where we are on our paths. I am answering them honestly in my journal and find the process itself to be comforting and yes, painful, and insightful. Maureen's 18 year old son died and she has a website focused on grief. I think doing exercises like this and then looking over the responses in 6 months or a year is also helpful so we see that we have changed as we walk this painful road. These are the questions but I suggest you read the article. ♥ Imagine that a magic wand could be waved and all your grief erased . . . BUT . . . the catch was that you had never known your loved one. What kind of person would you be if your loved one had never been part of your life? ♥ What would your loved one tell you if they could reflect on your grieving process? Would they think you’re doing well? What advice might they offer? ♥ How have you been changed by the experience of loving your loved one? How have you been changed by the experience of being loved by your loved one? Do you live with that love shining on you and out from within you? ♥ What is grief trying to teach you about life, about love, and about loss? If death is your hardest teacher, are you getting the most out of class? ♥ Look at how other grievers channel their pain into creative, compassionate ways. Talk to them; learn from them; take inspiration from them. How can you apply their example to your life? http://esdeer.com/better-or-worse/# Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Excellent, Mary ~ There is an art to coming up with such thought-provoking questions, and Maureen Hunter does it so well! Thank you for sharing ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mary, Thank you for sharing that. There's no way in the world I would wish away not having had George in my life, not even with all of the pain his loss brought with it. My life was full because of him. Because of him I got to experience love to the fullest, and loved with abandon. Yes, the lessons of grief are many, I have learned so much because of having gone through this journey. It is true that every cloud has a silver lining. That doesn't mean you like the cloud but rather that you appreciate the lining that came with it. That doesn't mean we don't yearn for sunshine, but again, it is about our focus...and our focus can learn to be on the silver lining rather than the cloud, it just takes time and effort to learn to do so. I have made so many mistakes in my life and have suffered so much pain, but I wouldn't change it. I have lived and I have lived to the fullest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Kay, I am totally in agreement. Bill changed my life and I changed his. This pain is worth every minute of what we had. I am a better person because of him and I know he was also. My life would have been emptier without him (not just any man but HIM) than it is now....now I have my memories and the growth I reaped by living with him. I do believe he would be proud of how I am dealing with my grief- owning my pain and growing and transforming but not spending my life under the blankets by any means. I know he would be very sad seeing me so sad but he knows he would have been also. I do think he would want me to be more forgiving of myself for not being a perfect caregiver...that is a process for me and one that always always brings tears to my eyes...i.e. the thought of those painful days. I truly do not recognize the person I was in the midst of the trauma. In spite of our being graced with the opportunity to talk about how hard it was and hold each other in forgiveness and love...I still have a way to go on not feeling pain about how little present I was at times. We HATED to hurt each other. I can honestly say I am getting a LOT out of this journey...i.e. using it well but, of course, I would prefer he was back...healthy. Peace and love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Marty, You are welcome. She does do it well. I believe she is signing off on her Facebook site next week. Website will be around a while. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 Mary, I feel the same way. And I know George would be proud of me because he always was! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest babylady Posted October 27, 2012 Report Share Posted October 27, 2012 can't imagine my life without knowing and loving john. i'm sad and i'm grieving but i have so many happy memories of our years together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted October 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2012 I suspect we all feel that way...I actually heard someone say that she would not want to ever get so close to someone that it would hurt so much. She said this to me while I was still taking care of Bill. I just can not understand that. I only hurt because we loved so much and had so much joy as a result. Why would someone not want that in their lives? Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now