Is It Normal.............

[sweet america]

Hey i just registeres here today. My grandmother whom has been like a second mother to me my whole life. she pratically raised me when my mother wasnt. anyway she dies last august of Cancer. I'm just now starting to realize That i need to talk about my feelings. I didnt go to her funernal is that normal? The reason i ddint is becuase i was afraid i would break down and cry around everyone. I'm very prideful lol i know thats not good, but i cant help it. Now even thoughits been a whole year its still rough. My grandfather after my grandmother died like, 3 months moved in with a woman and has been ignoring us ever since. I feel like He doesnt care about my dad (his son) anymore or his granddaughters (my sisters) or me. Its kinda like i lost both at once. Now her house is being sold the one i grew up in, and he doesnt even care. I guess the worst part is that i didnt get to say goodbye On the first day of my junior year is whewn she died. my mother told me after i got home. it was an awful day. I remember feeling numb and just sad. Iv been ok for a year, but id it possible i have PTS(post tramatic stress syndrome) Its like for the past year iv been numd and the only thing keeping me from falling apart is keeping busy with school and helping ym dad and sisters out becuase he misses his mom really bad. But now, its like its hitting me full force and i cry over everything. I depended on her for everything and now its so hard without her. I really miss her. The worst part is that the last conversation i had weith her was really mean. I dont think ill ever forgive myself. So anyway, im 18 by the way ill be graduating in may . I was there everyday after school and on weekendds. helping her to clean to laundry visit and make sure she was ok.My dad had to quit his job to take her tp radiology and chemo appointments. Last summer we even went to the mAYO clinic and they couldnt helo her it was devastating news. am I a horrible person for not going to her funernal? I just couldnt go and see my once alive, fiesty, loving ,grandma laying in a coffin knowing she was gone forever. Wishing that she would just open her eyes and say got ya! lol anyway can someone help with my feelings?

[floridamom]

You are not horrible for not going to the funeral. I think it is better for you to remember her alive and vivacious. As far as the mean words spoken, I understand your guilt. When I was 19, my best friend died, and our last conversation was very hurtful. We hadn't spoken for a couple of months when she died. I have finally healed from the guilt. I think in your case, your grandmother loved you and knew your heart. She would not want you to feel bad. I am a mother now, and I don't hold resentment for anything my daughters say to me in anger. This is an unconditional love that mothers (and grandmothers) have. I am sure your Grandmother felt the same for you.

As far as your grandfather, men grieve differently than women. My dad married a woman a year after my mom died. (It didn't last a year). Men are very dependent on women to survive. It is very common for men to remarry quickly after losing their wife. This doesn't diminish their love for their lost wives. They are just filling in the gaping hole that is left of their life. Just remember that this is his way of coping with his grief. He is being selfish in his grief but is unaware of the pain he is causing everyone else.

I hope this has helped. Just give it time, and the grief will get weaker.