AngelOver22 Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Hello, I just lost the love of my life a week ago today. He had just turned 38, 8 days prior. We were engaged to get married next August. He passed away from melanoma. In July he was 100% clear. On August 25th he was brought into ICU after collapsing and that is when our world changed and Cancer took over our lives. Today I had to pick up his remains and bring him home. This week has been a blur, its still hard to think I will never see him again and I miss him so very much. I hurt and am angry and so sad of never getting to have the life we had planned together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Dear AngelOver22, I am so very sorry for your loss, your pain and the loss of your dreams. All of us here understand loss and grief...too well and in this forum you will meet people who have lost their fiances, partners, spouses as recently as you and as long ago as a few years. We know the pain. You will be welcomed here, never judged, and be understood. I know the fog of which you speak. It is really a protective response and in time the fog will lift. It takes time to realize what has happened. Of course your feelings of sadness and anger and hurt are what most of us have experienced on this path. I am so sorry. Try to take care of yourself and take it a day at a time. Do you have some supportive people around you? We are here for and with you, Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelOver22 Posted November 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Thank you. Yea, thankfully I have an over abundance of support. Friends and family and extended family. They have all been surrounding me with their love and spending the night with me. Only two nights I have been alone, which I felt I needed too. They maybe didn't see it that way. I was his care taker and also exhaustion I have had to recoop from. A ton of family drama from his side prior to and is still lingering is more to handle of taking time from us when we were togther his last days and even now when I'm grieving. But I'm blocking it all. Thankfully I'm on the other side of the country from all of that! I have had a large amount of loss in my life. I have "self healed" before. I know this is different with the love of my life, my best friend. He brought so much happiness in my life and made me laugh every day. I will be going to a counselor in due time as other issues with past loss is re-surfacing as well. But I just can't stand the fact I will never see him, hear him or touch him. And my heart hurts that his life was cut so short and he was such a wonderful man, that this world is cheated without him in it. I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 AngelOver22, I too lost my love, soul mate, best friend, and support system just over a year ago. My Celene passed 3 days prior to her 41st birthday. I still recall those first days, weeks, months and so. I was so fortunate for this group of friends here. We all share in your pain and will be here to help you. I too can understand the family drama and can only tell you that, for me, time made the drama lessen. Take care of yourself in these early days and reach out when you need a shoulder shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. Hugs and understanding. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Angel, I'm so sorry about your fiance passing. I hope you will find solace and encouragement here, as we all have. I'm glad you have your family to help you through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 Hello Angel... We all know the pain and heartache your feeling, the first days, months, and year are indeed one of the most trying times you'll endure...take things at your pace, one day at a time...it's good you have support and also know you have found it here as well...I offer my sympathy during this time and I hope and pray you my find some comfort in the days ahead.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest babylady Posted November 22, 2012 Report Share Posted November 22, 2012 hi and welcome. so sorry for your loss. i lost my husband 6 months ago to a cancerous brain tumor. we were together almost 42 years. he was my soulmate. i feel like half of me has been cut away and the pain is awful. this site is great. we all know what you're through. sending you a big hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2 Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 Angel, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am fairly new to this site, but have found the people here are wonderful. The support you receive here is overwheming. As I've read in other posts, take it day by day, hour by hour and sometimes it may be even minute by minute. You're in my prayers. Please keep posting. So many others who have gone through what you are going through will be here for you. With deepest sympathy, Tracy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Angel, so very sorry for your loss. This is a very good place to come to, as we all understand the grief, and disbelief that you are feeling now. Praying for peace for you. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2 Posted November 29, 2012 Report Share Posted November 29, 2012 Saw this on another site and liked it. Hope it helps you. Tracy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted November 29, 2012 Report Share Posted November 29, 2012 Tracy, Thank you for sharing that poem. My Celene like the saying "vapor in the wind". Your post reminded me of that. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2 Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 Anthony, I never heard it before, but I too, like the saying "vapor in the wind". Those we have lost are, I believe, still beside us, even though we can't see them. Sometimes something triggers a memory and it's like the person you've lost is beside you remembering it with you. Tracy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 We heard it once in a song and said when we own horses, one would be named vapor. I especially feel that Celene is with me when I make decisions that she would have made and nothing like the one I would've. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janesangel Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Angel thank you for sharing your experience. You helped me with my loss. I also lost my fiance. He died the day Hurricane Sandy hit the east coast of the United States. On August 13, 2012 he informed me that the test results were stage 3 brain cancer. He went through several rounds of chemo and surgery in September. He stopped all treatment in October so he could spend time with me and his family. By the first week of October he was informed he had only two weeks to live. We were planning to marry the first week in November. I was not with him when he passed because I was with specialists to deal with my life crisis on the west coast. He wanted me to stay with my family, children, friends and doctors to battle my illness. I wanted to travel to see him but it was to risky. His sister contacted me November 28 to give me his last message. That is when I accepted that I will never see him again. He said goodbye to me before the power outage. I was in denial and shock until his sister contacted me with his final message. During his illness he made every effort to stay in contact with me. I knew it was difficult for him to get out of bed to message me to tell me he loved me. He also wanted me to take whatever measures to beat my disease so that I can live and be happy with my children. On several occassions he said he did not want me to follow him. He wanted me to live and be happy. I miss and love him so much. The grief is so intense. I know I may not make any sense in my post but I am happy to release my thoughts and emotions. I know that John would want me to do whatever I felt would help me in my battle with my illness and live and be happy. Love & Light to all Namaste Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted December 3, 2012 Report Share Posted December 3, 2012 Namaste, You have come to a wonderful place to release your thoughts and emotions. It has been just over a year since I lost my lovely bride. I have found the people here to be very supportive and caring. Although we have never met, I consider them all friends. Take care of yourself for John,your children and you. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janesangel Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 Thank you Anthony I was watching a show just now where they introduced a family that lost everything in Hurricane Sandy. They had each other. I sent them love and light and wished them the best. Then I remembered I need that as well because I lost my soulmate. That's when the tears started flowing. By coming here after watching the show, I think I am still on track in healing from the loss. I am trying to continue without John. Per his request, I am continuing to take care of myself for me and my children. Love & Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 4, 2012 Report Share Posted December 4, 2012 Namaste, I am so sorry for your loss, and for the whole situation you have been in. I just want to surround you with my arms. To go through so much... We are here for you, whenever you want to talk. I hope you will continue to come back to this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InvisibleLove46 Posted December 5, 2012 Report Share Posted December 5, 2012 I'm new to this site and I'm very sorry for your loss. I too lost my fiancee recently he died 11/18/2012. I'm still numb and in disbelief that he's gone. I hope you have great memories of your life with your fiancee to help you get through this. All of us have a story and can try to understand but we can't know your pain as you do. My hope for everyone including myself is some relief some comfort some anything that will make this process bearable and the lives we have yet to live livable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 8, 2012 Report Share Posted December 8, 2012 Dear Namaste, You are indeed in the right place. This forum is a light that guides us through our journey by the kindnesses of those who have gone before us. I am so sorry for your loss. I am concerned with how you are doing. Are you in good health? Take good care of you and visit this place often. So many people are 'wounded healers' as one of our members reminded us. Know that you will have the support that you need here. I shall remember you in my thoughts. Blessings. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 8, 2012 Report Share Posted December 8, 2012 Angel, You say you can't stand the thought of never seeing or touching him again...it helped me tremendously when I ceased looking at "the rest of my life" and tried to stay in today. I believe we WILL be reunited one day and I look forward to that time...meanwhile, I have to find something good about today, no matter how small. In learning to recognize the good that is in my life, no matter how trivial or brief, it shifted my focus back to being present in life at a time when I was most devastated...it was just two weeks after my husband's death that I "happened" upon a refrigerator magnet...it had a dragonfly on it, which I believe God used to catch my attention, and the words on it I knew were meant for me. I bought that refrigerator magnet and it's still here today, it reads, "Find Joy in every day". At times it was a stretch to try to find any joy, but I began to look for it. Sometimes it was seeing an elk in my back yard or a rainbow across the sky. Sometimes it was someone holding the door for me or a driver letting me merge. Sometimes it was a puppy's kiss or watching a kitten play. It might be a child's smile, or a call from a friend. But I learned to find joy when I looked for it. My DIL recently told someone how much she loves me and said why, she said, "because she's always so happy". Wow. That hit me. I know that happiness is a choice and it takes effort. I'm glad God showed me that refrigerator magnet. Back to the not being able to see or touch them...yes, I know that is hard. Sometimes I think about George's holding me and remember how it felt and for a moment in time, I let him wrap his arms around me in my memory. Yes, I know, I'd rather have him in person, but for now, this will have to do...until we can be together again. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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