Rubysbaby Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Hi, The stories I have read so far have let me know that I am not the only one feeling such pain. My mom died 7/27/12, a day I will never forget. The weekend before we were on a family trip to FL. My mom started feeling bad that Sunday. We (Dad, Sister, and me) offered to take her to ER in Florida. She said she was ok until she got home. She said she felt better when we got home and would go see Dr. Mon. morning. The Dr. sends her to the ER by ambulance (exactly a week after her 69th birthday). She had had a heart attack while we were in FL. We were to go to Minnesota on Thurs (would have been my parent's first flight). I was numb and scared. I was upset because she didn't allow us to take her immediately to ER. She had open heart surgery on Tuesday. She didn't awake completely until Wednesday evening. The Drs. had given a good prognosis that she would resume back to normal. Friday she walked from ICU to a regular room. My mom looked so good that day. She was talking like herself again. She even gave us a laugh or two. I was still nervous because I knew she had a long recovery but felt that she was doing well and headed in the right direction. If God had brought her through having the heart attack and surgery, I thought for sure she would survive. She was a strong woman and had survived and beat cancer twice. Friday afternoon I told my dad he needed to eat and we went to the cafeteria in hospital. Dad and I discussed how we were going to take care of mom during her recovery. This was the first day I was positive about everything. When we left the cafeteria and headed back to the room my worst nightmare happened. My sister was outside the door screaming. My aunt was with her and another aunt reached for me. I was in shock and so confused as to what was going on. Staff had come to take her blood. Mom started to make a face of pain. The family with her (my sister, sister-in-law, and 2 aunts) thought it was from them sticking her to take blood. Mom started seizing and eventually coded. The Drs. couldn't save her. They didn't know what happened and told us it was probably a blood clot. It just doesn't make any sense. Did staff do something wrong? I couldn't even cry I was in such shock. All I could do was scream. How could this happen when she survived the heart attack and surgery? My mom was my best friend. I talked to her every day and saw her almost every day. My faith is shaken. I had just given praise reports and thanked God for healing her again and then she was gone a few hours later. I am in such pain. It's been 4 months but I can't concentrate on anything but her last days. I know we all have to die and God doesn't always answer the way we want, but I don't like it. It's not fair. I keep wondering is this punishment for my sins or because I didn't pray enough before & when she got sick. Why did mom say she was better? I know she had to be in pain. I also blame her regular physician because she had complained of heartburn and when I told my Dr he immediately said that was a heart disease sign for women especially diabetics. I am in counseling, reading books, and journaling trying to get through this. I have returned to church but it's hard because I wonder if God listens to me anymore since he didn't answer my prayer to save her. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. Thanks for listening to my story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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