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Trying Desperately To Understand...girlfriend Broke Up With Me After S

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I've been reading the other posts, which has helped me realize being broke up with after a death is not uncommon...but it still rips my heart apart.

My girlfriend & I were so tight, best friends, soul to soul connection, the most amazing relationship I have ever known.

Her brother recently died unexpectedly & suddenly. At first she reached out to me like she always had. But in the last month & a half she has gotten angry over things that normally wouldnt upset her. She stopped saying any terms of endearment, and didnt tell me she loves me. She told me she didnt have the energy for a relationship and needed space. I backed off but things just got more & more cold. She still talked to me but the conversations were distant.

A couple weeks ago she told me she doesnt feel anything and doesnt have time for a relationship. I reminded her of our history and how just a little while ago she was calling me baby and saying I love you. How could she have no feelings for me so quickly. I am in love with this woman and am just trying to understand. I have been asking God what to do. I understand she is hurting & angry, I just never imagined this would break us up. I'm crushed and have cried alot. I also dont understand how she can talk to people on her Google+, but not me, which then gets me worried she may be interested in someone else. This whole situation has rocked my world and I'm normally unrockable so to speak.

I went to church and was told I need to lay the relationship down like Abraham layed Isaac down. Its hard to do. I miss her & what we had. I want to wait and know I need to be obedient to what God has told me to do. I just love her and dont wanna lose her forever. I would appreciate any prayers and help you could give...either as someone in my situation or hers.

Thank you and Merry Christmas

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I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Realizing this is a common experience can help you realize it isn't personal, but I know from experience just how personal it feels, and how much it hurts. You are grieving the loss of the relationship you had with her, and that is a very hard thing to do, particularly this time of year. I hope for your sake that it can be put back together, but after seeing how it went for myself and so many others, I wouldn't focus on that at this point, but rather focus on your own healing and moving forward. Believe me, I know how hard that is, but it starts with one day at a time. You speak of God and your faith...that is good, your faith and with Him in your heart, it will aid you greatly in getting through this.

Sometimes a person must be totally cut off before they will realize what they have lost and miss you...yet even then they may not desire to put the relationship back into place. Her not feeling anything may not have happened had she not lost her brother...grief can shock a person and affect them in so many ways. Yet she has gone through that experience and it has affected her. Not everyone experiences grief in the same way, yet there are plenty who are affected just like she has been.

It is easy to wonder if there is someone else...sometimes that is the case, but many more times that is not what is going on here. In my situation that was not the case. But I do wonder sometimes if this might have happened anyway, that maybe this was the catalyst by which he acted...my fiance was someone who had a hard time telling how he really felt, so communication was not as good as I had thought. He too told me he loved me, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, etc, but I wonder now if he was telling the truth. That is what caught me off guard and shocked me, because he led me to believe one thing when he really felt another way. Maybe they just go along with things and then when they encounter death, it saps them to the point they can no longer tolerate what they once did, I don't know. So much of trying to figure out what happened is speculation and that based on what they give us (in terms of communication), so limited at best.

Try to keep busy, do things that will aid you in your recovery, try your best not to think about her (so much). Is there a class you've wanted to take, a hobby you've wanted to try, have you put off working out, are there some friends you want to reconnect with? Now is the time to do so. I wish you the best and hope your surround yourself with supportive positive people that will be there as you try to get through this.

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  • 3 weeks later...

hurt but hopeful,

i am in your shoes, my girlfriend's dad died suddenly three days after christmas. he and i were really close, my girlfriend and i have dated for two years. i was at the hospital w/ her when he died, stood by her in the recieving line at wake / funeral. spent new years eve putting together picture boards for the wake. have tried everything i could just to let her know that i'm here for her. a couple days ago we had dinner alone for the first time since the tragedy and she told me she needed a break and some space, for said she "just couldn't feel anything anymore". sounds pretty similar huh? i've tried cutting off comunication w/ her and have been waiting to for her to contact me. today is two weeks since he died so the wounds are still really fresh. i broke down and texted her this AM;

"I love you, i'm thinking about you(always). i'm here for you whenever you need me. Allways will be"

i thought i needed to say something and i'm not expecting a response but i'm still regretting it. she made it clear to me that this wasn't a break up but just a break, a fine line right there but i feel what i do now will determine what happens in the future. if i smother her w/ love she will go away, if i let her be for a while and wait for her to come back, then she will. it's really hard!

KayC, i spent all day yesterday reading the posts between you and tom from a two years ago. that was really helpful. make me realize i didn't want to end up like Tom, i feel like he didn't give her the space she needed and it blew up in his face. i don't want to end up hating my g/f or for her to end up hating me. that's what i got from that. thanks you. this site is really helpful!

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