enna Posted January 8, 2013 Report Share Posted January 8, 2013 Everything Seems so Shallow Dear Members, No matter how hard I try to move forward in my new life I am left with the sharp pain of missing the one and only true love of my life. There is a void that cannot be put into words. Words, music, nature, and dance are all expressions of the love I have for Jim, but nothing fills the void of his death. Nothing. My memories are treasures but they do not replace the need to be held and told that I am loved. Words of encouragement are appreciated but they do not nor can they replace the conversations we had together over coffee and dessert. Music soothes me and provides a calm over me but it does not replace the ache I have to be sitting with Jim and listening to the music together. Beautiful flowers, trees, brooks, mountains, and sunsets are all breathtaking but the joy of watching and seeing all these things without Jim is heartbreaking to me at this time. I want to be grateful for all that I have but the most important person I want is no longer with me. I am trying to place him in my imagination but it is not the same. It is not the same and I want it to be the same. I feel ashamed to have all these thoughts that appear to be so self-centered but I can’t seem to accept the loss of the one and only person who completed me. Moving forward is not going to be an easy task and I want it to be easy so it is not so painful. This awakening of the death of Jim has stopped me right in my tracks and I only have energy to cry until I’m exhausted. I once told someone that I was not an angry person but now I find myself lashing out at Jim for leaving me alone. I know I gave him permission to go but I now realize that I didn’t want him to leave me. If I had known that it would have been so painful I never would have told him it was ok. My only comfort with all of this right now is that I do believe that I am grieving and that it is all right for me to have all of these thoughts. I am sharing this with you because I am sure I am not the only one who is or has felt this way about any loss of a cherished one. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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