melina Posted January 9, 2013 Report Share Posted January 9, 2013 This is about the challenges of being a single parent, but also about trying to be supportive of others, encouraging them while I myself often feel like collapsing. I have four sons - all in their 20s. All of them are college students at various stages of studies, two are married and the other two have girlfriends. They're good people and have turned out well. I'm proud of them. I know their father would be too - or perhaps he's watching over us and IS proud. My problem is that they're missing a major person in their lives - their father - and I can't be both father and mother. They all had good relationships with their dad. He was the calm, balanced one - I've maybe been more active, but also more worried and uptight. I have one son who especially tends to worry a lot and gets really down when things don't turn out well. Right now he's struggling to find a job, but even with a Masters degree, the job market isn't easy. He wants to talk about this with me - but I feel that what he really wants is to talk with his father. They could talk for hours at a time. I can't be that person. I get stressed when they're stressed, and though I try to hide it, I'm not always up to listening to them and don't really do a good job of it. It ends up wearing me out and I'm so stressed and worried that I can't sleep afterwards. This is weird - since I work as a psychologist and have to listen to people all day. Right now all I see ahead is problems and worries. Will my kids find work? Will they be happy in their relationships? Will they manage financially? Will I manage financially? Will I be alone the rest of my life? Will I have to provide comfort and support for others - but never receive it myself? I know my sons love me, but of course it's not the same as having a partner. I don't know how other widows/widowers are able to be there for others all the time. Sometimes I get so tired that I almost wish my life would end now - not because I'm suicidal, but because I just don't know if I have the energy to get through all the years to come. My stomach at times is in one big anxiety knot and I wonder how long I can dangle on the edge like this. I don't want to worry myself sick. I have few friends, and those I have don't really understand what I'm talking about. I have no other family nearby. I have little contact with my mother and siblings. My husband's family sort of drifted away and I don't hear from them. On top of all this are my financial concerns - and I'm working as much as I can. One full time job and freelance work whenever I can get it. Sometimes I feel that all I do is work and worry. Just needed to share this. Maybe someone else out there understands? Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now