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pmack

My Girlfriend's Dad Died Two Weeks Ago, How Do I Support Her, Give

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My girlfriend and I have an awesome relationship. We met two years ago and have basically been inseparable ever since, If we aren't together we are in constant communication through phone, email, or text. We’ve gone on trips, frequently talk about marriage, our families have met, we've named future kids and all that good stuff. She's 27 and I'm 30, she still lives at home but we've been casually looking for a place together for the past year. We aren't in a huge rush to move in together and are waiting for the right opportunity to arise that suits both our needs. Everything has been going great and we just spent our second great Christmas together, then her father died three days later.

It was sudden and horrifically tragic. He went to bed on Wednesday night feeling fine, woke up Thursday morning with a horrible cough, went to the emergency room and was dead 24 hours later. The doctors were baffled and are still awaiting autopsy results. Needless to say this has crushed my girlfriends world. She is a prototypical daddy’s girl and b/c she lived at home she has become accustomed to seeing him every day. In the 14 days since his passing I’ve tried to be supportive of her, I was at the hospital when he passed, stood by her in the receiving line during the wake and all my friends and family showed up to pay their respects at the funeral. All that was last week.

Since the funeral she has been distant and not herself, understandably so. We had dinner alone for the first time since the tragedy last night and she basically told me she needed a break b/c she “can’t feel anything anymore” and needs to get herself right. I totally get this and I know I need to give her all the space she needs. But I also know that she’s not in her normal state of mind and maybe doesn’t know what’s good for her at the moment. She says she needs to be w/ her mom constantly and really can’t relate to anyone who hasn’t gone through this before. I haven’t and I am at a loss. It kills me that I can’t fix what’s wrong with her, I love her so much and when she’s in pain I’m in pain. All I want is for her to be happy, and I know time heals all wounds but I can’t just back away from her at this point. I’m too involved w/ her family and can’t imagine not being in contact with her if its only just to hear her voice to make sure she’s alright. But she says the constant “hovering” is making her overwhelmed and she just wants to be left alone. Is that the right thing to do? Should I leave her alone? Or should I push back when she pushes me away? Should I just let her go and just hope that when and/if she gets better she’ll come back to me? The thought of that makes me nauseous. Two weeks ago we were madly in love! But the world has changed since then and I don’t know how to navigate this unknown territory. Please help!

Lost in Boston!

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I woke up crying this morning. At first it was because i felt like i lost the best thing in my life. Then i thought about what she lost and i cried even harder. Nothing is ever going to be the same. I don't know if i should contact her not. She is all i think about. I just want to hear her voice. I'm mess. And she must be 100 times worse. Thst thought is killing me b/c i can't imagine feeling any worse than i do right now. I feel so bad for her. I want to be able to help her. It's my job as her b/f to make sure she is ok, to make her happy. It's impossible to do that right now and it sucks. Alot. I just started crying again. I've never been so sad and it makes me feel guilty b/c i know she is so much worse. I just keep thinking; i miss her, she misses her dad. She might come back to me. Her father is gone forever. That thought is crushing. I just want to fix her. But i can't. I'm so lost. Everything was perfect two weeks ago! Why did this have to happen????!!!

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About the only thing you can do is be there for her when she needs you, but it's important to respect her wishes. A person can't force themselves on someone, no matter how great things were the month before. If you try, she will get upset and may cut you off entirely. You can read through all of these threads and see how things went for others and glean a lot from everyone's mistakes or solutions, but that's about it, there's no way to accurately depict the outcome. You are feeling helpless because you want to make everything right but you can't. There's no answer to "why" this happened, sometimes things just do happen and we don't get a say so in it, only in how we respond to it. I'm sorry, I know how hard it is and how much you're hurting right now, for her, and for you.

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Thanks KC, today was an ok day, spent the day with friends and tried to keep my mind off things, g/f went back to work today. She's a waitress and is working a double shift. I hope she is doing alright. She gets off around 10 and she always calls me on her way home. God i hope she calls. It'd be so nice to hear her voice. But ill understand if she doesn't. Probably won't.

Ive been staying strong and keeping my distance. Every time i want to call her come on here instead. Im really drawing a lot of strength from this website. THANK YOU! Ill keep you updated!

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It may not feel like it, but you are doing the right things. Hang in there!

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so yesterday sucked. Sunday's were always our day together. we'd hang out a couple times durring the week, but sunday was the only day we both had off and could spend the entire day together. but i didn't contact her, and she didn't contact me :(. I miss her terribly and think about her constantly. and i know she is feeling the same way. not for me, but for her dad. she misses him terribly and thinks about him constantly, and her feelings of grief are intensified by 100% b/c her dad isn't comming back. she just can't devote herself emotionally to a relationship right now. This is what my thought process is when ever i find myself missing her. but it sucks. i wish she would just call me, text me, email me, something....it's driving me crazy.

i know it's important to respect her wishes and maintain my distance, if i call / text her when she doesn't want me to she won't be receptive and look at me like a pest, i don't want to cause her any more anguish than she is already gong through. so that just leaves me to suffer in silence alone. it hurts soo much! but i need to be tough. if our love was what i think it was than she will come back, she has to. patiance is key here but that has never been my strong suit. i don't like to wait for things to happen, i like to make them happen. but that won't work in this case...

part of me thinks that she is waiting by the phone for me to call, that she is pissed b/c i havn't been there for her the past couple days. that she said she wanted to take a break as a test, and i failed b/c i complied. i know these are crazy thoughts, b/c i texted her Friday morning just to let her know i was there and she didn't respond, she knows how to contact me so i have to leave the ball in her court.

A friend of mine is going to speak w/ her tomorrow night, he has been through the same thing she is going through and she asked me to set it up. my friend said he'd let her know that i was thinking of her and try to get her to throw me a bone. but this meeting isn't about me, it's about how to deal w/ the sudden loss of a loved one. my hope is that just seeing him will remind her of me, and she'll call me right after they talk, she'll tell me that she misses me and that she wants me in her life. god i hope that happens, but i'm not optomistic. trying not to get my hopes up....feeling pretty low today. :(

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My friend, the suggestions you're receiving from Kay C are wise ones, and I really have nothing to add to what she's been telling you ~ except to say that we all recognize that your beloved is not the only one who is grieving here. You are in mourning as well ~ not just for her father, but for your relationship with your beloved. This is an extremely difficult loss to bear, because it is so ambiguous. You don't really know for sure if you've lost this person, much less whether it's time to begin mourning the loss of her. You are in a state of limbo, not knowing what to do or how to feel. I simply cannot imagine how painful this must be for you.

I have some pages on my website that contain some information that might help you better understand what your beloved is experiencing right now ~ but I also think just reading the various threads in this forum will help you to feel less alone in this situation. As I'm sure you've already discovered, many others have found themselves in the same position as you find yourself now. I just hope it helps to know that we are here for you ~ most especially our dear Kay C.

See especially this article: Helping Another in Grief

~ and visit some of the links you'll find on these pages:

Death of a Parent

Helping Someone Who's Grieving

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pmack, I responded to you in another thread today. I know all too well what you are going through, and I know how hard it is and how much you are hurting. Let me just say I think your GF is one very lucky girl to have you in her life, and I wish she could realize that right now, but grief has consumed her to the exclusion of everything else. I have often wondered, "If Jim and I had been married when this happened with his mom, would he have thrown me overboard then?" I'll never know for sure, but I rather imagine he would have withdrawn some and been focused on her and his losing her, but I don't think he would have just discarded our relationship. I wonder what it is that when you spend all of your (away from work) time together and have plans together for the future and love each other, are each other's best friend, how then can the person just disregard all of that and throw you away? (Not saying that's what happens, but that's how I felt when I experienced it). It is very hurtful. The only way to cope that I know of is to focus on yourself and keep busy, spend time with your friends and family, surround yourself with anything positive. Try to have a regular time to go to bed and get up, it helps the sleep patterns, even though you may not actually be able to sleep much right now. Playing soothing music to go to sleep by. Do anything good for yourself. Eat healthy, get regular exercise, drink plenty of water and do not turn to the bottle or other destructive behaviors, do what will ultimately help your brain to cope with this huge thing you are tackling. You can still be there for her...you're only a phone call away, but it must be initiated by her...otherwise she is likely to resent your intrusion and push you further away. If you do not hear from her within a couple of weeks, perhaps you can send her a note...be careful not to tell her anything like "missing you..." that could be construed as pressure on your part. Instead stick to it being all about HER, "thinking of you and all you are going through". Keep it short and simple. Acknowledge HER pain. Turn to your friends for your pain, but don't introduce that to her, it will make her pull in like a turtle so fast your head will spin. I know this isn't fair, it's not about fair, life isn't fair. I don't know why some people seem singled out to go through all of the hardships while others seem left unscathed. Trust that ultimately all will work out...not necessarily in this relationship, but in your lives. I know you can't see or believe that right now, but faith is an action that requires a simple step of belief and acting accordingly...it grows in proportion to our action. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to focus on the positives right now. It's hard to see the positives when your heart is breaking and you just want what you want. This is a stretching time. It will stretch everything about you. If nothing else, my house got really clean when Jim broke my heart! I cleaned vigorously! I used the time to go visit my sister, to reconnect with people I hadn't spent time with in a while. In a marriage forum I belong to, they tell the forsaken wives to paint their nails a new color...I don't know what guys do, maybe hit the gym, but the point isn't nails or muscles, the point is thinking of yourself! It has to be a healing time for you. In time she may come around...she may not. The outcome is not the goal here, as much as you might think it is right now, the ultimate is learning and becoming stronger through this and whatever you glean from this process will make you all the more of a greater person than you already are, if possible! You will be more ready for this relationship, another relationship, or none at all.

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thanks KayC, i wrote her a letter today, but sent it to a friend first and he told me not to send it, it was as follows;

Kara,

So we haven’t spoken in a week. And it’s been weird. Usually during the day I surf the web looking for funny stories to send you (although most of the time you’ve already read them.) instead I’ve been spending my time reading articles/ forums / books, about grief. Trying to get a glimmer of understanding of what you are going through. I know that is impossible. No one will ever know what you are going through until it happens to them, but I need to try.

I found an online discussion board about grief, people post their stories and other’s comment, offer advice, and share their own experiences. There is a section called “loss of love to grief” which has many stories about people who were in loving relationships that ended b/c their partner lost a loved one. Some have good endings, but most don’t. Through my research I’ve found that the ones that don’t end well do so b/c the significant other doesn’t understand what the other is going through and basically tries to rush them through their grief. I won’t do that. I love you too much to lose you. I know you can’t reciprocate that emotion right now and that’s ok. I have enough love for the both of us and I’ll wait for you as long as it takes. In the letter I wrote to your father I said “I’m going to help your daughter through the most difficult time in her life, I’ll be as close or as far away as she needs me to be…” this remains true. I’ll do whatever it takes.

I’ve read that grief is like walking on a beach, than all of a sudden you are swept out to sea by a huge wave and you have to focus all your energy getting back to shore. The current is pulling you out and you can’t get your footing so all you can do is try to keep you head above water. Everything else in your mind gets pushed aside and all you can think about is fighting to get back to shore. I’m on the shore waiting. It’s killing me watching you struggle and suffer and I want to jump in and save you. But I can’t, it’ll drown us both.

Patience was never something I’ve been good at, but it’s what I need right now, patience and strength. I need to be strong for the both of us, I believe in the strength of our bond so much that I know we will get through this, and I know it won’t be easy. I also know that “us” is the furthest thing from your mind right now and you need to help your mom and brothers cope w/ the incredible loss you all are feeling. Every couple gets tested, this is our test. A brutal, unfair, excruciating final exam that has no end time and no answers, only patience and strength will persevere. I’m patient enough to wait on that beach and strong enough not to jump in. You’ll come back to me, you’re so much stronger than I am, you have the strength and mental fortitude to fight through the hardest of times and get back to shore, just like your Dad.

my friend said this made me sounds weak and all about me. which i guess is true. so i decided not to send her anything and he'll help me write a more subjective letter, one that isn't about me and my pain and our relationhip. i think you're right in saying i need to focus on me and try to put her out of my mind, not to contact her. but it's soo hard. it sucks, but w/ this forum and my friends i think i may be able to cope and move forward. thanks for all the kind words and i'll keep you posted!

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I'm so glad you showed it to a friend and I think your friend is right. Remember, short and sweet...keep it simple and about HER, not you. Hang in there, remember to give her the space she asks for.

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I just felt a need to say this: I think your letter is beautiful, as it speaks volumes about the sort of fine young man you are. Even though you've decided not to send it, please save it and tuck it away somewhere safe. The day may come when you'll want to share it with your beloved ~ at a time when she is better prepared to read and appreciate its content. I so hope that things work out for the two of you. You sound like a remarkable person who'll be a devoted husband and father one day. Please continue to take good care of you. You are so worth it . . .

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so we spoke last night. i went against all the advice i've recieved here and from my friend. i just really felt the need to hear her vioce, so i called and she answered. we talked for a few minutes, just chit chat, nothing heavy, she just went back to work so i asked how that was going, i told her i has just happy to hear her vioce. didn't say "i love you" or "i miss you" or anything like that. i just wanted to know what she was up to, she said she was about to go to the mall, which i take as a good sign b/c it's her favorite place to be. the convo only lasted a couple min but i felt like a release valve was thrown in my chest and i could breath again. a huge weight had been lifted off my sholders. so i'm feeling better now than i have in days. PHEW!

i also shot her an email this morning, For christmas (when everything was prefect :( ) i got her tickets to a musical that i knew she really wanted to go to. the show is next friday 1/25, i know that she might feel presure to go w/ me and that wouldn't be good. so i told her that maybe she should take her Mom instead, she'd probably enjoy it more than me and it'd be something fun for the two of them to do together. i knew that if i asked her if she still wanted to go w/ me she wouldn't be very receptive and feel like i was presuring her, she's really focused on helping her mom right now and she'd probably feel guily about leaving her alone in the house, so by offering to step back and let her take her mom i saved myself from being rejected and saved her the presure of having to reject me. win win right?

(she just replied as i was typing this; "Ok thanks") i was kind of hoping for a little bit more but i'll take what i can get...so the good news is the lines of communication have been opened slightly. baby steps!

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I don't think it was wrong of you to contact her, you avoided pressuring her and kept it light and that's what she needs right now. Your feelings are very valid and one thing I want to emphasize to you is that your feelings are no less important than hers are. It's just that right now, out of respect for what she's going through, it's better to express yourself to your friends than her because she can't handle it right now. Apparently when Jim broke up with me and since, he's been conflicted over it, but he did what he felt he had to do at the time. I don't fault him for that, only for how he did it, and even then, I've had to get beyond that because he was beyond "fragile state" at the time. When he was ready, he opened up and talked to me about what he'd been through. We may not have resumed our relationship in it's past form, but at least we have moved beyond what we went through and salvaged a very good friendship.

I agree that it might be good to hang onto what you wrote. I don't think I'd show it to her for a very long time, if ever. She may feel guilty about how she's treating you and that might make her feel worse. But on the other hand, it might help her see how much you love her and what you endured for her. I would just give it a long time before showing her if you decide to. She needs to be stronger and have a freshened perspective beforehand.

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so last night was another sleepless night. I can't seem to enjoy anything anymore. i went to The Celtics game last night w/ a friend i haven't seen in a while and i couldn't stop staring at her Dads season seats. We were one section away from where her dad used to sit and where i've enjoyed some very good times w/ both Kara and her Father. but i couldn't enjoy last night. instead i was focused on who was sitting in those seats. was Kara there? w/ another guy possibly? maybe a friend of Kara's was sitting in the seats and i could talk to them about her? a couple times durring the game i would get up and walk over to that section and just scan the crowd looking for a familiar face. am i going nuts?? i know she wouldn't be w/ another guy, that she broke it off w/ me b/c of her sorrow for her father, not b/c she didn't love me anymore and wanted to be w/ someone else. but my mind couldn't focus on anything else. when i got home i tried to go straight to bed but i kept replaying the very brief conversation we had the day before over in my head. was she anoyed that i called? am i a nuesence to her now? how can that be? why can't she say "I love you" anymore? i don't think a person can just flip a switch and go from being totally Infatuated w/ a person three weeks ago, to not wanting to talk to them at all?!?

i know that three weeks is mere seconds in the mind of a griever, that she is all consumed by her grief that she can't think about the pain she is causing me. everybody i tell the story to acknowledges that i am grieving too and in pain, but the only person i care about knowing this doesn't! and i can't tell her, and she doesn't care anyway! that is the most frustrating part in all of this. thanks for reading.

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pmack, I don't have any advice that I haven't already given. I feel your pain and know all too well the heart's cry and what you are going through. I know it's hard to understand how someone can love someone one day and just a short time later...nothing. Yet so many of us have experienced just that, that it makes me a firm believer that it happens. Not that she doesn't love you, but she doesn't have it in her to express or give it right now.

Last night Jim called me his girlfriend...a couple of times. I thought, What?! It's been 2 1/2 years since he broke up with me! Was he testing me out without the risk? If I called him on it, would he laugh it off and say he was kidding around? I'm refuse to analyze this or open myself up for any heartbreak...if he wants me in his life that way, it's going to require a whole lot more than a word...it'd take a lot of explaining and commitment and showing me/proving ground. So for that reason, I will ignore it and assume it meant nothing... I am no longer the heartbroken girl grasping at crumbs...I have learned a lot, I have my wits about me and I have requirements...it keeps me sane.

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thanks KayC, i'm not expecting any new advice. i know what i have to do and now i just have to try and keep my distance, which is very hard to do...this forum really helps me vent my frustrations and get things off my chest, i appreciate all the help and support!

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We're here...and gosh I know how hard it is. I cried myself to sleep for a full two months after Jim broke up with me. I have a long commute and I remember going down the highway with tears pouring down my cheeks. I cried when I saw the park we used to take the dogs to, or places we ate at, or the church we'd attended together. It was tough. But it finally got better. I still miss him but it's w/o the tears now. :)

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today i decided to go ABSOLUTE NO CONTACT untill she reaches out to me. i fink that Facebook is the hardest part b/c she is constantly posting pictures of her dad, sad song quotes, and the like. everytime i see this my heart aches and i want to rush to the phone and call her to comfort her. maybe she is posting these things to get that sort of reaction out of me? or probably it's not about me at all and that's just how she is grieving (most likely the case). so i unsubscribed to her on Facebook, which means she won't show up in my news feed and if i wanted to see if pics / posts i would have to go to her page directly. i decided that this was better than "de-friending" her b/c we are stil "in a relationship" on facebook and to de-friend her would let her know that i am hurting and trying to lash out. not my intention at all.

i may be grasping at straws here but she has comented / liked some of my families posts. My sister posted a cat pic to her wall (they both love cats) and she "liked" it instantly and even made a funny comment about it. than later in the day my cousin posted about how he and his wife were expecting a child and she like that too. this at least lets me know that she isn't shutting my family out as well and maybe that will lead her to wondering where i have gone and start to miss me. Again, probably grasping at straws here but its all i got at the moment.

hopefully i will have a more substantuial update after the weekend and hopefully it will be positive! thanks for reading and offering advice, all is greatly appreaciated.

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I have found that for me I needed to protect myself and most people who go through this reach the point where they need to go "no contact". This preserves your love for her and also protects you from further hurts. When you are continually getting jabbed it destroys your love. It's best to focus on yourself and your own life. If she is ever at a point where she wants to reach out a reestablish contact with you, she knows where you are. Keep in mind, however, that may or may not happen in the way that you want it to. It's important to prepare for whatever may come...not that all hopes need to be dashed, but realistically realizing that the future is yet unknown and it's best to make best of today.

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thanks KC, i'm aware of the probable outcome and it breaks my heart. I just wish someone whose been on the other end could explain it to me. the long weekend didn't produce any real updates to this situation. I had no contact with her at all and the only real development was that thanks for facebook i was able to see that she was at a bar near my apt to watch the football game on sunday. she was with 3 of her girlfriends and it took all my energy and will power not to just show up there so we could "bump into eachother". she would've seen right through this and might have even thought i was "stalking" her. the last thing i want to come accross as is a crazy person so i stayed home and watched the game alone and in pain. i keep thinking that she wants me to contact her at this point, that she thinks i've abandoned her, i havn't! i think about her constantly, evertime i get a text / email / call, i'm actually mad at the person for not being her! she was my whole life for TWO YEARS! and now i've ressorted to constantly checking facebook to see if she's posted anything new! i feel so pathetic! it can't go on like this!

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It would be best for you if you would hide her on FB so you didn't see what she's doing, it only tortures you...I also know you probably won't do that even though it's in your best interest. She doesn't think you abandoned her, you didn't...it's her that is pushing you away. I honestly don't know what they think or why they respond like they do, trust me, I've analyzed this one to death and come up empty. It has never been explained fully to me either. :(

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It's feelings, it's not thoughts or logic. Grief over a close loved one is overwhelming. You have times you just can't be around people. My sisters and I are very close, and we are processing the same loss, but sometimes I can't handle talking to them, or when I want to talk to one of them, she doesn't want to talk. Because we are sisters, we know the relationship will last, so we let each other alone when that's what is needed. I can't explain what's happening when I need to be alone -- I have used up all my sick time with my need to be alone and skip work. I have to show up a lot when it's the last thing I want to do, just because I need to keep my job. If I could, I would just sit in my apartment and obsess, or sometimes go out with others who aren't that close so that little is demanded of me.

Why? I can't explain it. It just gets too overwhelming to be around people who have expectations. It's an emotional response, based on my grief, not on anything anyone else has done wrong.

You asked if someone on the other end could explain it, and that's all I am able to offer.

My friend's 5 year old nephew died last week because of medical negligence. Sometimes he needs to talk. Sometimes he disappears. I know to some extent how it feels, so I let him alone.

Trust the relationship, and let her go for now. Your instincts are correct that "stalking" her won't help, and may make things worse. I know you are suffering through your own grief at the (temporary, hopefully) loss of the relationship. How you feel now is no doubt very similar to her feelings of loss of her father. It's overwhelming and hard to concentrate on anything else.

I don't know if that helps.

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thanks AnnC,

it's great to hear from that prospective. i've definately been maintaining my space. Although "no contact" has been really hard. i've kept my contact minimal and light, and she actually responds sometimes. i think it's best not to try and talk about our relationship but just kind of remind her that i am there. She never actually told me not to contact her at all, so i've been sending a text or email every couple days.

I got her these tickets to a musical for x-mas, and after what happened i told her she should take her mom, she did and the next day i texted her asking her how it was and she said she had a great time and thanked me. (i was kind of hoping she'd do this on her own w/o me having to text her but i'll take what i can get)

i think you are right in that it's tough for her to be around people who "expect things" from her, or non family who are emotionally connected to. i just want to know how long that lasts? i know that is an impossible question to answer and that's the reason for all my frustration / misery as of late. if i knew that in 3 months i'd have the love of my life back just like before than i'd happily wait this out, but the not-knowing is agonizing. and it's not like i can call and talk to HER about this b/c that will almost definately push her all the way away. that's why i come here!

everytime i get sad and start to think about her, i try to put myself in her shoes. as mush as i miss her, she misses her dad more. i'm sure if she had a time machine and could go back 5 weeks when everything was perfect she would. she's not doing this b/c she wants to be w/ another guy. well actually she is, that guy is her dad and he's not comming back. i just feel so bad for her and hope she's not doing anyhting destructive to cope, it's so hard not being able to help her!

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pmack,

You are right, it is best not to talk relationship right now, hard as it is not to. What you are going through is agonizing, and I really hope you end up with a happy outcome. You're right, it has nothing to do with other guys, my Jim has not dated since he broke up with me and it's been 2 1/2 years. Sometimes people do, but in our case, we haven't.

I think Ann's post was very helpful, it's as close to an answer as I've gotten.

Wishing you the best...

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Sadly, no one knows how long grief will last. Even for me, each loss is different. I felt recovered fairly quickly when I lost my own father, but he went through a rough year of chemotherapy, radiation, and misery before his death, so there was a lot of relief as well as grief when he died. I cried a few times, but was not devastated -- I think I was expressing my grief throughout his treatment, since we knew he was terminal.

But with my ex-husband, I cried daily for two years, then every other day for another year. Sounds odd for an ex, maybe, but there was a lot of guilt and unresolved issues, so that prolonged things.

I seem to be recovering a bit now in the sixth month since my brother's death. His was sudden, a car accident, so the shock made it different. I was shattered, but with my other losses I had a lot of grief therapy, so I didn't fight the process this time -- I gave into it much more and let my emotions run wild, not suppressing anything, and I think that helped. The raw edge of pain is a little dulled now.

So even my own grief reactions can't be predicted, it depends not only on my personality, but the nature of my relationship with the person who died. And I couldn't ever predict how it would go. For all I know, I may hit bottom again about my brother's death.

Wish I could give you a timetable, but unfortunately, I doubt even your girlfriend could. I think it's good you're keeping in touch the way you are, so she knows you still care and are still there -- I would think that would make a big difference. Hang in there.

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