Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I Need To Put This Somewhere


Recommended Posts

For those of you that have read my posts, you may or may not recall my husband's critical daily health issues. He is 52. He has been insulin dependent for 30 yrs. it's hereditary. His twin brother died at age 43 from all of these issues. Drs said Leo would not make it to see 50. He has suffered multiple heart attacks. Has had a triple bypass open heart surgery. Has 3 stents in his heart. Has suffered multiple TIA's (mini strokes). Has the start now of stage 4 renal failure. Has had too many hospital stays too even try to count because of these issues. COPD and congestive heart failure. And I have been his caretaker... Much to his dislike, most days. If I don't keep on top of his blood sugar readings, his blood pressure monitoring, his medication schedule, etc... Then he would probably not be alive. He gets sick, and is so stubborn. I generally have to have an ambulance called because he denies he is sick, until it gets dangerous. I am on 24/7 "panic".

He is currently hospitalized as the result of the flu. His COPD, congestive heart failure are acting up severely. He had fluids on his lungs, around his heart, his temp is still running above 101, and he had to be intubated this afternoon because they have diagnosed pneumonia. They put him in an "induced coma" right now... Because between his lungs, heart, kidneys, fever, blood sugar... His body is trying to shut down. He is on multiple antibiotics now.

I cannot be there because I am very ill with the flu severely myself... But I haven't the health issues he does. He is in The Intensive Care Unit. I could not be there if he were in just the cardiac ward. Certainly not the ICU.

I have a lot to be terrified about and a lot of thinking to do. He has specific wishes, which are legally drawn up and which we have discussed and he has made clear multiple times in the last 2yrs. He has a Do Not Recucitate order. If he has a heart attack again. If he has a stroke where he becomes so bad that he won't be able to live without machines. If he has no activity left in his brain. His wishes are written up very clearly.

He is not in that place right now. What they are doing... In having him on a ventilator and in a medically induced coma... Is not because he is "on his death bed"... But rather for his body to not have to struggle so much to heal.

This is all very terrifying to me... That doesn't begin to describe it. I "saw" this coming before he went in the hospital. I FEARED this with everything in me. All these years, I have become so "in tune" to his health... That I actually can tell when things are going to happen.

I'm not able to be with him. I'm praying with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul... With all the infinite love I have for him... That things don't go from bad to irreversible. But I'm so scared...

I didn't know where to post this. But he is my world. I devote my life to caring for him... Good and bad. Yet I can't do a darn thing for my love. :(

I'm so scared. And I'm trying to just breathe. To use my DBT skills. To take of me and this flu that's so bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 88
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Oh Shannon, I wish I were there with you, this is a hard time for you to be alone, and yet maybe it's best for you to be able to rest so you can get well. Whatever comes tomorrow, you are going to need your strength and to be at your best. I am praying for your husband and for you. I understand the medically induced comas, it gives them every possible chance. I also know how hard it must be for you to not be able to talk with him. If he were not in a coma, it would still be very hard for him to talk. I pray some angel will put their arms around both of you and give you peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you KayC,

I know for certain my Mama and my Nana in Heaven are watching over my Leo-bear.

My fever is still here. Dr put me on Augmentin, Tamiflu for the ear infection, bronchitis, and the flu... Plus Flagyl for the intestinal issues.

My Leo-bear is not worse, but nothing is better except his fevers have been breaking some... But then spiking again. But praying its a sign it will break for good soon.

His sister went to visit a short while earlier. And told him how much I love him. He is still in the induced coma for now... So don't know if he could hear... But I believe...

I have to...

My heart hurts... The pit of my stomach keeps jumping up into my throat and tears come... I'm so scared. But I hope my meds will kick in in a couple few days so I can be by his side.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love my Leo backwards, forwards, with my whole heart out on my sleeve, exposed like only I have ever loved 2 other precious people in my almost 40yrs... My Mama, my first love of my life, and my Nana, my other first love.

I'm just rambling... Just very anxious and teary eyed. It's so hard to shut my eyes and try to rest with my love absent from his side of the bed.

God bless you KayC and all who have lost their loves...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My sister was in a coma for 4 1/2 months and said she could hear people when they came into her room. I don't know if it's different for medically induced ones, but she just couldn't respond. It's good to talk to people that are in comas as if they can hear, you never know. He knows you love him and would be there if you could. Do you have anything that could help you sleep? I think sleep is the best thing when you're sick! And plenty of liquids...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anything... LOL... I am giggling... Oh yeah, I'm on meds Hun.

I am on enough meds to knock out an elephant! Depakote, Remeron, Klonopin, Lexapro, Seroquel for my bipolar, depression, anxiety, and trauma issues. Plus Lyrica for fibromyalgia and chronic pain syndrome. And Baclofen for my herniated discs in my back and nerve damage. I have Percocet for the pain... But very very rarely take that... It makes me feel ill and I just hate the way it makes me feel.

My SIL believes he could hear her today when she was there. But he couldn't squeeze her hand.

I'm drinking tea now and some chicken broth. It's warming me up.

I will try to concentrate on some meditation relaxation music in a bit when I lay down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was in a medically induced coma for a couple of days in the hospital. I could hear people, but couldn't respond. I remember I felt quite comfortable, I was warm and had no pain. I was glad my sister was talking to the doctor because I couldn't. That's all I remember, but I was certainly aware and hearing people, but kind of drifted in and out.

My best friend was in a coma for a few weeks about 20 years ago. She doesn't remember much about it, except she remembers she felt it when her father pinched her toe, which was a gesture of affection from her childhood.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Drs still have my husband in an induced coma. It's getting real difficult to try to get his blood pressure raised because of the renal failure, and the lasix they are administrating to help relieve the fluid that is building up in and around his lungs and heart, is keeping his BP a bit too low. But because of this stage renal failure, his fluids need to be minimal. The pneumonia is not getting better yet. His fevers are not even gone yet. His white count is through the roof. He is still being given multiple antibiotics. I was able to go be with him today. My fever is gone, I'm feeling a bit more like myself. I did wear a mask while there. And washed my hands numerous times. But I wouldn't have gone if his drs did not give me permission and if I did not feel better. He just "wasn't there" it felt like. But I just talked to him and insisted he not give up. Giving up is not an option yet. His body just needs time.

I am exhausted and going to bed, even though its only 6:30.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shannon, I'm so glad you were able to be there. Even though he's in a coma, there's a high chance he hears you and it can be very encouraging to him. I'm sure you are exhausted, even if feeling better, you haven't built up your strength yet, so I hope you sleep well tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Didn't get to hospital today. My fever returned and my fibro is acting up... A pretty big flare. The left side of my neck through my shoulder blade area and shoulder are all inflamed stiff and horribly painful. As well as my back. The body aches, flu is still trying its best to hang on.

My darling hubby is not worse, not better. SIL and BIL sat with him a bit today. He did squeeze his sister's hand once. Encouraging.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shannon, my daughter-in-law has this nasty flu, she missed work last week (she went in Thurs. but it set her back). It is some very nasty stuff, I hope you will continue to rest as long as you need to so you will get your stamina back and get well. I'm glad your SIL & BIL were able to be with your husband...his squeeze of the hand IS very encouraging indeed! Still praying for you...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leo's fever is gone. He is beginning to stir some. As long as he does not fight the breathing tube or get agitated... They are going to lift the medical induced coma slowly. And see about extubating him sometime tomorrow to see his oxygen stats and breathing. One minute at a time. He is by no means out of the woods yet as far as his kidneys, blood pressure, his overall health... But they've got to start somewhere in trying to see if his body can do some healing while not medically induced into a coma. But he gets very agitated, that's always been a fact for him. So they are monitoring him and proceeding slowly.

I'm very teary. Just wanting to be with him. I'm doing a lot of praying. To my Angels in heaven that they watch over my honey.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shannon,

There are times when things are beyond our control and we feel helpless...it is then that we can pray. Perhaps God lets things get that way sometimes so we will reach out to Him...when everything is going great, we tend to forget. Prayer is anything but helplessness though, it is the most mindful and strongest thing we can do. It is not relying on ourselves, but rather on Him that is most able and trusting Him to do what is best. Sometimes that "best" doesn't seem "best" to us at all...sometimes we balk at it and don't like it, and that's okay too because some things are beyond our comprehension. It is okay to ask for healing, that is what I am asking for now for your husband. That God would restore both of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leo is very agitated as they have lifted the coma meds. He is trying to pull at his breathing tube, but he is not opening his eyes or really following commands. His sister also talked to him and asked him to relax, to open his eyes etc... He wouldn't do any of it. They cannot attempt to extubate him until he is more with it opening his eyes and following commands. They are sedating him more to prevent the agitation. His pneumonia IS clearing up. His BP is still low. His kidney levels are not good. Because of his agitation and not following simple commands, they are doing an MRI of his head. He is prone to strokes. He has a history.

It's so impossible to have him going through all of this. And this is the road his twin brother and father went down before their very early deaths.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You and Leo and your sister in law are in my thoughts and prayers. I know it is frightening. I wish you some moments of peace,

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My husband had a minor stroke and has a pulmonary embolism. He is being given heparin. He is awake, off and on. He was transported to a larger hospital. Still on a vent. Unfortunately the hospital is an hour or so away... So I will be going there tomorrow, and they have a "family room" where we can stay. His sister will be going with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry this has happened. I hope YOU are feeling better and am glad they have a family room and that you have his sister.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the continued prayers thoughts and support. It's past 2am and we are leaving in about 5 hrs for the hospital. Going to try to sleep.

XO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shannon, I hope you have a good day with your husband and his sister. I'm sure he's getting the best possible care, and I'm glad you have a room to stay in. Our prayers are with you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Shannon,

I have been following your posts and I just want you to know that you are in my heart and prayers as you go through this difficult time. I hope that you can feel the love that is always expressed on this forum. A care and deep concern that all of us have for those who come here to be heard. Your journey seems to be so difficult that I just want you to know that we are here for you. Know that I have you, your dear husband, his sister and other family members in my prayers. Peace, Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How're you doing today, Shannon? How is your husband doing? What is his prognosis (stroke) or do you know yet? Thinking of you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am home today (going back in a little bit). My husband is doing better. He was taken off the vent yesterday and his oxygen stats are between 87- 95 percent. That's his normal. The stroke was minor with minor affects... His right side being a big deficient, his eye, and arm and hand. That should I prove. He has affects from past strokes on that side only. The pulmonary embolism is clearing up... Still on heparin. His BP is still low... His renal failure is not improved but that is due to his diabetes unfortunately... We knew his kidneys were already getting worse. His heart function fair at this point. Complaining of chest pain. When the pulmonary embolism clears up. They will be doing a cardiac catheterization to once again check his arteries for needing another stent or bypass. And check current conditions of he areas already stented and bypassed.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers, thoughts and words.

I am showing, changing g clothes, picking up some refills of my meds, and headed back in a couple hours. It's been below zero out here. And expecting snow tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...