My Butterfly Of Hope

[pumkin]

My Marco is gone 155 days today. For weeks I've been crying everyday and praying that Marco would give me some sign that he's happy and at peace. He always knew how much I love butterflies. He'd always looked for anything with butterflies and would point them out to me when we went shopping together. This afternoon while I was sweeping my front yard, I spotted this beautiful butterfly on one of my lavender flowers. Marco knew lavender is my favorite color in flowers. It flew away and here I am talking to a butterfly begging and crying for it to come back if it was truly, a sign from Marco. It came back and went to another flower. While it was on the flower I wept and said I love you Marco five times. Then it flew away. I feel that was a precious sign from him telling me he is all right. Am I losing my mind thinking this way? All morning I was saying to myself that I just don't want to live anymore. But I know I must go on. You are all so strong and your support for each other on this forum is what I cling to and keeps me going. Hugs to all of you.

[MartyT]

Pumkin, my dear, if this beautiful experience you've shared with us is evidence of losing your mind, then you are in very good company, because I would draw the very same conclusion that you did: What a perfectly wonderful sign from your beloved Marco ♥

[enna]

Dear Pumkin,

Five months is such a very short time. I am so sorry that your Marco is no longer with you. I am sure that the butterfly you saw was a sign telling you that he was all right. We believe what we want and that is ok. Our strength comes from deep within us and when we are open to signs that our loves are still with us only in a different way we somehow receive the strength we need to carry on. Life is a precious gift and no matter how much our pain we do survive our grief. Keep coming to this very caring web site. We understand and carry your grief in our hearts as you move through your journey. Anne

[Queeniemary]

Pumpkin, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a lovely sign, a butterfly. No way you are losing your mind, I think Marcus was trying to set your mind at ease, telling you that he is all right. I have had similar signs from my Mike, who I lost over 3 years ago. Many times it is a wind chime on the back porch, which is an actual cow bell, heavy, and usually does not ring unless pretty windy. It will occasionally ring without any wind currents stirring at all, and I always believe it is Mike letting me know he is around. It was his bell, and he always enjoyed when it would ring. My dear, we are not really stronger than you....some of us have just been on this journey longer than you, and as a result, we have learned how to struggle on. You will continue to do this also. Continue to come to this forum, it has been a great help to me. Peace to you, and I am so happy you saw the butterfly.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas.

[mfh]

Dear Pumkin,

You can see that you are not alone or crazy in accepting the reality of your sign from Marco. The day after I buried Bill's body I returned to the cemetery. It was my 70th birthday and also Easter Sunday. The old old cemetery is at the top of a hill over looking our rural area. The road is basically gravel and dirt with woods on either side. As I got to the bend about 1/3 of the way up, my brother was with me, an incredible peacock came out of the woods. I was driving and it walked along side of me. then walked to the gate and disappeared. A week later the same thing happened. I have never seen or heard of a peacock in Wisconsin. I asked the old timers about it. It was April 4...still cold. I KNOW it was Bill who sent that bird to me. The symbolism of the peacock is resurrection (it was Easter Sunday), marriage and eternity. So many of us have had signs...I have had many. Trust it and allow yourself that gift.

I also think many of us, if not most, did not want to go on after our loss. I certainly did not. But on we go. You are so new to this loss, so raw. It takes courage but we are all here for you and with you and we all know what this kind of loss feels like.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

I have learned to accept things that I cannot explain more readily since I lost my George. There is so much more to existence than we realize, so much we cannot explain, but that is the beauty of the mystery of it all! I believe it was a sign and no you're not crazy. Many of us have similar stories to share! I'm glad you got your butterfly!

[pumkin]

Dear Marty, Anne, Queeniemary, Mary & Kay,

After reading all your heartwarming and caring responses, I feel secure that I'm not losing my mind. I got the chills when I read about Mary seeing the Peacock on Easter Sunday as a sign from her Bill. And Queeniemary, having the wind chime ring even after three years, and knowing Mike is still around, Thank you telling me to trust my butterfly sign and to allow myself that gift. Kay, you're so right in saying there's so much more to existence and things we can't explain. Anne, thank you for telling me to come back to this very caring website and that our loved ones are still with us, but in a different way.

Hugs to all of you.

Pumkin