Getting Through Another First

[ustwo]

The phone will ring from kids. A neighbor will show up. And all I want is to be left alone. A first birthday without Gene..without his yellow roses. A reminder that his last day during periods when he wasn't lucid he picked yellow flowers for me all day long. A reminder that the last gift I gave Gene was the yellow rose I placed with him when I kissed him and let him go. A boquet of yellow silk roses sits at his grave. If I could have a wish it would be to dream tonight so deeply of Gene that I could nearly feel his touch....hear his voice....see his smile...see the gleam in his eyes.....just one more time. There is no happy. Just another day I don't want to be.

I love you too Gene!

Always Gene!

Always!

[WaltC]

If I could have a wish it would be to dream tonight so deeply of Gene that I could nearly feel his touch....hear his voice....see his smile...see the gleam in his eyes.....just one more time.

Evelyn - I hope that your wish comes true tonite - you sure deserve it!

My Jean loved to read Helen Steiner Rice. I sense that she asked me to send this to you in memory of your dear Gene ---

For your birthday

[miakittymeow]

Dear Evelyn,

I am so sorry for your loss. I just read Walt's post to you. I feel strongly that your dear Gene used Jean and Walt to make sure that you would have yellow roses on your birthday. Love always finds a way....

With sincere sympathy,

Lori

[ustwo]

Walt, I don't know if I can find the words to express how touched I was at your post. How you could reach out through your own pain and through your Jeannie to extend comfort on this day. The post and the gesture is greatly appreciated. It is beautiful. A reminder. Your kindness has brought ease to this day. I only hope I can be as supportive to you and to all who find themselves at this site. I truly feel I receive a lot more than I could ever give. I truly understand the love and soul you and Jeannie share.

Thank you Walt. Thank you Jeannie.

Always Gene!

Always!

[kayc]

Evelyn,

All of the firsts are hard...I feel like I don't know what to say anymore...we miss our loved ones, no one takes their place, and everywhere we are haunted by their memories. Last night as I was driving home from getting groceries, I passed the spot on the highway where George totalled his new Honda...the place where it was later learned that he'd had a fatal heart attack...and the air bags going off had given him the thrust to his chest that started his heart back up again, giving him another six months with me. How I wish I'd have known then what was going on! How I wish I'd known he was living on borrowed time. Still, I talk to him, I miss him, I tell him that I love him. And I cry. I try to build a new life, I keep busy, I smile on the outside, but it never really goes away, and I know it never will. Just as you and Gene know it. And many others that are now joining us. And Spela. I have missed you all. There is something about having someone out there who understands and cares. I guess that's why I miss George so bad...he not only had a wonderful personality, but he loved me, he loved me so deeply that no one can ever come close to loving me like that, it is like a gift that disappeared when he died. Only I see evidence of his love, everywhere. I see something he fixed, something he bought, something he did. His memory can never be erased. He is a part of me, just as assuredly as your loved one is a part of you. Firsts...the first everything without him is so hard...just as the firsts that we shared together were so beautiful. How wonderful it is to build something together, how hard it is to see it dismantled. In a week we will miss Thanksgiving together...the whole holiday season is hard. I am thankful for the kids and friends, but nothing is the same without him here. We've gotten used to sleeping alone, not having anyone to talk over our day with, no one to notice if we make it home okay or not, nothing to look forward to llike we used to...we've gotten used to this being our life now, but it is a dreadful thing to get used to. It's like someone blew all of the beauty out of life. But wait...I got to see a herd of elk last night! And I saw the most breathtaking view the other day, the sun's rays coming through the trees, it was gorgeous! And although George and my little cat Tigger left home after he died, someone called me with a cat that needed a home, and he's turned out to be a wonderful cat...Chappy, very affectionate and loving. So there are these little blessings and we must remember to be thankful for them along with our sorrows, for even though our lives may not be what we planned or wanted, wwe are still being given blessings...such as friends like you.

[Guest Patti]

I know....my birthday is this coming Tues. This will be my 2nd birthday without my beloved husband, Charlie. I lost him last year, 13 days before my 50th birthday, so as you can figure....I just finished my first year without him. This time last year was easier than now because this time last year I was still in such shock of losing my husband. NOW, the reality has set in and I am so depressed. I notice I've been crying alot more these last couple of weeks. Fortunately I have his family that loves me and is grieving right along with me and I have my daughter and my 3 grandkids.....but it's just not the same.

When one of you was mentioning just little things that you miss, the one that really hit me was not having anyone to care as to whether you got home OK or not. My husband was huge on that! I always had to let him know if I was going to be late or he would be so mad by the time I got home....now I don't have that caring person. I miss him terribly!!!

I hope all of you have the best holidays possible!!!!